Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I sometimes get the feeling when i feel like talking to someone, those that i feel i can talk to, like they start to think, oh great, here's the mourner again, still in that frame of mind and they are tired of hearing about it?
I don't talk about ALL bad things like what happened and how i am feeling trying to figure if it is another stage of grief. I truly am starting to believe some people are tired of hearing me . Those times when you want someone just to listen because you need to let it out, let out the fears and sorrows, the anger and the tears. Well, i will be more selective about who i say what to now, because if i need a shoulder i want them to know i will also do it for them.
Today makes 9 months with no hubby. I still have all memories, good, sad etc. and it feels like he's been gone so long but like it just all happened a few weeks ago. I tell myself "don't go down that road" when i think of things i wish HAD been said or done, because it's too late now. But it doesn't mean I don't miss my significant other and want to talk about it. Can't help it sometimes if i cry. Sometimes I don't cry. Depends.
So it's good to know that here everyone knows how you feel. Because they have been there, are there or going through it now.
I hope we all can have some peace in our boggled minds. When you feel like you are just a zombie on the couch. That's when I try to get up and go outside, check on the dogs, go feed or put out the horses, jump on the tractor and drive it to check the mail cause it's more fun than walking 400ft of driveway. Or jump on the rider mower and mow just to mow. Or take the mower to check the mail.
Then when you are ready to relax, take your meds if you are on any, and find something funny to watch on the tube or rea, get your kitty cat on your lap or come here if you need to say something.
So there, that's how i feel.
LOL. Just to clarify, I may FEEL like a Zombie, but I don't look like one!
Everyone out there with your broken hearts, take care.
Gotta to feed horses now check the mail.....hmmm i think I'll take my husbands truck! It needs starting and since its a huge one ton 4 door, long bed with enormous steel grill in front and huge steel bumper on back (a pulling machine work truck) I drive very carefully in that 5 speed monster. I'll be selling it soon.
Again, you guys and ladies - take care. Look in the mirror and say, I am sad but by God I will make it somehow someway. Let my husband or wife have wings and come to stay be my side and help lead me.
Good night all.
I don't talk about ALL bad things like what happened and how i am feeling trying to figure if it is another stage of grief. I truly am starting to believe some people are tired of hearing me . Those times when you want someone just to listen because you need to let it out, let out the fears and sorrows, the anger and the tears. Well, i will be more selective about who i say what to now, because if i need a shoulder i want them to know i will also do it for them.
Today makes 9 months with no hubby. I still have all memories, good, sad etc. and it feels like he's been gone so long but like it just all happened a few weeks ago. I tell myself "don't go down that road" when i think of things i wish HAD been said or done, because it's too late now. But it doesn't mean I don't miss my significant other and want to talk about it. Can't help it sometimes if i cry. Sometimes I don't cry. Depends.
So it's good to know that here everyone knows how you feel. Because they have been there, are there or going through it now.
I hope we all can have some peace in our boggled minds. When you feel like you are just a zombie on the couch. That's when I try to get up and go outside, check on the dogs, go feed or put out the horses, jump on the tractor and drive it to check the mail cause it's more fun than walking 400ft of driveway. Or jump on the rider mower and mow just to mow. Or take the mower to check the mail.
Then when you are ready to relax, take your meds if you are on any, and find something funny to watch on the tube or rea, get your kitty cat on your lap or come here if you need to say something.
So there, that's how i feel.
LOL. Just to clarify, I may FEEL like a Zombie, but I don't look like one!
Everyone out there with your broken hearts, take care.
Gotta to feed horses now check the mail.....hmmm i think I'll take my husbands truck! It needs starting and since its a huge one ton 4 door, long bed with enormous steel grill in front and huge steel bumper on back (a pulling machine work truck) I drive very carefully in that 5 speed monster. I'll be selling it soon.
Again, you guys and ladies - take care. Look in the mirror and say, I am sad but by God I will make it somehow someway. Let my husband or wife have wings and come to stay be my side and help lead me.
Good night all.
I often wonder if these that neglect or abandon us think 'widow/widower hood' is contagious? Like we are lepers! I have experienced this and have been on this board long enough to know that it is not just you and I, but many others have similar experiences. I wish I had the answer for you, alas, I do not.
On a positive note . . you have so many toys to play with there on your farm!! I love it!! Tractors, riding lawn mowers and the big grill monster pick up truck! :) You mentioned horses and kitties . . two of my personal faves! These things obviously bring you some comfort and get you out of ZOMBIE mode, albeit briefly. These are blessings in your mundane day in and out's.
I perceive that you do find a bit of joy in these things mentioned, I can feel it in your writing. Kudos, and give self a pat on the back for this. You are not wallowing on the pity pot, staying indoors, neglecting self and fur babies. You have an agenda and are getting it done! You are making the best of a horrid situation.
Please, be gentle with self and remember you are "grieving". This takes time.
BTW, you know I love and care about you. You can PM me anytime, I'm here. xo, Dayna
I really don't share my sorrows with too many people. When my children are going through their grieving moments they will talk about it and we have a cry time together, ( usually it ends up, with us sharing a funny shared memory of Ben, so those tears turn to laughter)
My daughter can always tell if I am going through a difficult day...she is wonderful. I am blessed To have a precious DIL too, my SIL is supportive without communicating.
.I appreciate our DS Group, especially one friend here,, whom I have spoken to in person.. I believe it's a good thing to pick the people you confide in with utmost care.
I am glad to see you are keeping busy on the OK Corral!!!
You are another Trooper!! Kudos to you!!!
Hugs.....Sandra
called death !!! Had never experienced before, other than my
wonderful grandparents, who we shall say was up in their years...
God Bless them.
So when I lost the love of my life, like so many on this journey it
has been Hellish to say the least. The family members that you would love to talk to are sadly to say not interest & don't even ask how you feel. I yearn to tell them the smallest things that mean so much to you ...but would of never before his death
This journey has taught me so much that I will be so more intuitive
and thoughtful to those that have or will experience this ordeal called death !!!
You sound like a farm girl so I'll just say that being on a farm myself that I understand you feelings of frustration. Being alone all of a sudden after x number years I think is the exact opposite of claustrophobia. All of a sudden your out in the wide open spaces all alone. All this room and nobody to do anything with.
As to the talking about your feelings and people getting tired of listening, I have come to understand, that they simply, don't understand. How could they? If you can find one person who is not a widower but willing to patiently listen then you are very fortunate, but they are far and few in between.
I'm with Sandra on this in that I don't talk about it with (normal?) people any more. We are changed and have moved out of the normal life we once knew into this. But unfortunately it's what happens or will happen to everybody. Some sooner that others, but the feelings hit all of us the same. I won't say that things don't improve, they will but, it's a slow process.
If it makes you feel better just take your tractor and drive over something that you're P*ssed off at. Just remember when you calm down, you'll have to go back and clean up the mess you just made.
Best Regards, George.
Thank you for writing and sharing such an eloquent and thoughtful post. And your strong character and fighting spirit shines through!!
I relate to everything you wrote. My husband passed away exactly 6 months ago. We go through all these conflicting thoughts and emotions looking back... memories good and bad. I wish the bad ones would disappear. Just facing it day by day. Like you, there are times when I can't bring to move myself off the couch. This is not me! I used to be a gym rat. Not any more. I just got the yard landscaped and that gives me a purpose to go out and take care of it. Water the grass seed. I have lots of flowers planted and built an arbor to hang bird feeders. A true bird sanctuary. Birds bring the garden to life. I am thinking about even joining a gardening class at the local community college. Learn something new!
Thinking of you all going through this difficult time. Hugs, Sheena
And then there is a steel barn my husband built and welded himself, that is WAY BIGGER than my humble home.
But that's okay. Now i am alone, there is more than enough room for me.
I hope for us all that our friends think hard about why we need them and take stock to think, what if it was me in that position???
So thanks again everyone. And George, i like the tractor idea. To run over something. I can think of lots of things to run over but they aren't on my property HA!! LOL.
take care everyone.
They are so used to me now that when i come out they go up in the trees and peep so loudly as if to say, here comes our food and water, yea! ANd as soon as i come inside, there they are all eating their seed.
I spoil them but my hubby said, "I love the way you feed the birds". And truly they look for me and rely now on me for their food so I won't stop.
Wildlife always have something to teach us, I believe. So i believe in taking care of them in whatever way you can.
Go out and enjoy the singing.
I'm moving on as well as can be expected but find more solace in my critters and my home than in others most times. Dating now but keep even him at arms length and don't really offer up what's on my mind on a bad day. I just hibernate. Hugs to you dear. Thank goodness for DS.
Truthfully, the ones who got it, the people I could sob to, were either those who had gone through the same kind of grief (a spouse or a child), or those human angels, as I called them, who had the empathy and the strength to not back down in the face of what I showed them. And they are out there, some of these wonderful people were acquaintance and a lot of them were here on this site.
Hugs to you - Marsha