Not presently. But I have. Anger is one of the phases most of us go through in one form or another during our grief. Matter of fact, there is not any one thing you go through in grief that is abnormal, because from our previous reality it would have been abnormal, but when it comes to the healing from our loss, all of this is perfectly normal. Our grief screws us up, and it all sucks. Could be you are in anger now, and that ends when you have acceptance. But you can't make yourself stop being angry or come to an acceptance of your loss. It just happens in its own sweet time, and as I said, it all sucks. When people are aware, not what it is like, but that you lost your spouse, they have heard of the anger stage and at least they can grasp the reason. I still get angry every now and then. I just isolate it because it doesn't make me feel any better to lash out on anyone that has nothing to do with why I'm angry. Sorry it takes so much longer than any of us ever imagined. Weird thing is, you get to a point and you think you are better, but when you get farther down the road and look back, you realize that you really weren't "okay", but just unaware how screwed up you were back then. Don't try to figure it out. You can't. Just let grief take you where it will. We have not control over it early on, and you are still early. In a lot of ways, my 2nd year was the hardest because I just wasn't who I had been before. Take time to look inside yourself, get to know you and change those things you can control that you don't necessarily care for in yourself. And I leave you with a truism: This too shall pass. Scottie

Hi. It's been just 2 years for me and I can say at different times I've been angry at different things or people. I've been angry at my husband for dying still am sometimes, if truth be told. Sometimes I'm angry at Gold and feel like he made a VERY big mistake. Other times I just get angry that things are the way they are. Sometimes I'm angry at people because they don't get it and don't give me the support I need However I don't get really worked up in my anger because nothing can change reality. The sadness usually trumps the anger. Things change while we grieve, I guess that's good in the sense that you may feel differently in a few days. Hopefully you will have some ok or even good days and that will get you through. Eventually you may have several good days in a row and things lighten up just a bit. I still have some bad moments, occasionally bad days but I've learned to tell myself that tomorrow I'll feel differently. I'm getting through and trying to figure out my new life. I hope you find some peace Marybeth

I have Kimbo, but mainly early on. It was loose anger. I didn't hold back if something was wrong, for instance at work. I reacted. Thinking about this it's amazing--uninhibited anger over our loss...
Now I'm just sad. Currently I'm marking when my husband was in a hospital last year and I was restricted from seeing him these 2 mos. So my grief is surging a little. It's hard to believe it all happened. I don't need to explain, and yes I look around and am aware of all the people who have someone to love/interact with and go home to and I feel like an outcast. It's even different from being single because single is lonely but doesn't carry the burden of grief and longing around like we do over someone who will never return.
All I can say is look up and draw close to God because he is close to us-the brokenhearted...

I have been dealing with a lot of anger as well. I have isolated myself in part because of the anger. It is hard to see everyone going on with their lives when my life is shattered. My husband has been gone for 8 months and I still feel this way. I don't know when it passes or if it ever does. Did your anger just start after 13 months or have you been dealing with it the whole time? I don't personally know anyone else who has lost their spouse. My thoughts are with you.

It has been 7 months for me and I was angry for quite awhile. I remember seeing families at a restaurant and being pissed at the world that my kids could never have that again. I have moved on to acceptance but I am sure the anger will come back again. I kept myself busy, moved my family, left my job. I had so many roadblocks in the beginning that I just had to get over the anger if I wanted to move forward. It is all part of the process.

Like Scotito said, it is something we all go through. During my second year after losing my husband I was furious. Furious that other people got their dreams and mine was shattered all around me. Furious that other people got to have their spouses survive and mine died at forty one. Furious at my husband for having a massive heart attack and dying. Anger at myself for not being able to save him. Anger is a powerful emotion and it can destroy you, but it can also motivate you. I channeled my anger into activity. I exercised, went to grief counseling, forced myself out of my bitter shell. I am now almost seven years into this grief journey, I am no longer angry. I still grieve, but I have come to accept my grief and love the life I currently live. It just takes time, patience and lots and lots of work.

Hugs,
Val

Thanks to all of you for your support, understanding. and advice. It helps to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm so sorry you've all suffered so.

I didn't feel anger in my grief journey, but want to post a quote to let you know it's happened to others.

"Suffering the Death of a Loved One", by Susan Anderson.

Widowed? Why me?
During this phase, no matter how dignified a front we provided to the outside world, most of us inevitably came upon an agonizing feeling of “Why me.” Intellectually we knew we weren’t the only ones experiencing loss – there were billions before us and billions to come. We didn’t want to seem self-centered, but we were dealing with something so difficult. Rage bubbled up. Death had zeroed in on our lives, pulling the rug out from underneath us while the rest of the world went on about its usual business: Why me?

Because we had built some trust, within the intimacy of the group we were able to share moments of feeling sorry for ourselves. Self pity is a highly stigmatized and shame-ridden state. We might not show our self-pity in public, but how could we possibly not feel terribly sad over what we had lost? To deny feeling sorry for ourselves is a cruel trick of society, when such sorrow is real.

We were grappling with what it meant to be a Widow[er], most of us resenting the term, even while knowing full well that it applied. We were actively grieving the “We.” We wailed in protest: “Why did this have to happen?” For many, our longing and grief were mixed with burning anger over the circumstances of the death as well as the condition of our current lives. “My husband was killed by a drunk driver. I was so angry all of the time, I forgot what normal felt like.”

yes i know how you feel. i am angry a lot to and it has been 10 months since my husband passed i am angry at god and at my husband and the world. people think i should be over it now and move one but people don't relise that i was left with more then they know . my husband was so positive when he was sick, a good thing everyone says but not in my case. he thought he was getting a miracle and yes i hoped for that too but he did nothing to help us after he died. i suggest you go to therapy . i have just started therapy . i did not go before because i thought i could handle this my self and i can't handle it. we had a great support system when he was sick but after his death most of those people don't bother with me. they see me out like at church and such and i am smiling and laughing and seem to have it all together then i go home and fall apart. anger is a part of grieving but if you are so angry as i was you need to talk to someone. i am still angry but have it more under control . you don't want it to take over your life . if you need someone to talk to let me know i am always available.