I cry because I want, need, love and miss my husband. I cry because that can never be.
Janice

I don't cry much due to my up-bringing, but when my husband passed on I cried for days. I cried because I felt sorrow for him. Not for me. I felt so much sorrow about the things he will be missing in life.

Now, it's been a year. I cry inside without physical tears. I cry at something beautiful and tender, because experiencing his death was so harsh. I cry inside because I am lonely, and missing the companionship.

The number of answers to your question is the same amount as there are people who are going through it. We mourn for our lost futures together. We mourn we won't have what we had anymore. We mourn when we reach for our loved one in bed and they aren't there anymore. We mourn for our loved one who had more time on earth stolen from them and us.

It's not selfish. I have cried for many different reasons through each stage of this. When I found him, I cried because I was scared and didn't know what to do. When i realized it was real I cried because I i was scared that i didn't know what I was going to do without him. I cried out of anger with God for letting it happen, and for how I found him and for taking him away from me and for taking the life we had away from us because we had worked so hard and were finally in a place where we felt like we were content with our accomplishments. I also cried for how unfair it was to him, because he was so young. I cried because it wasnt fair to me to lose him so young. I cried because I worried if he was afraid or in pain when it happened. I cried out if guilt for our recent arguements, and because I didn't get to say goodbye. When the anger and the fear became less, i cry because I miss coming home to him and know that I never will again. It was hardest to realize all of the never agains( all the little things) and the never wills.
But whatever you feel you are crying for, just let it out. Sometimes you feel better, sometimes you dont, but It's good for your mind and your body to let it out.

You cry because you have lost your life companion. You do still have a future,which as we speak has already become your past. Live in the now, finding joy in little things, because you can.

I was widowed in November 2007. I have cried for every conceivable reason under the sun - and seemingly for no reason at all! Sometimes what brings on the tears has no real description in words - just that hollow ache. I have grieved for him, for the 'me' that died along with him, for our past, for our future that won't ever be, for the future our kids won't have without him, for the loss the world has had because he is no longer in it and being the extraordinary person he was. Sometimes I cry because I am sad, sometimes because I am mad, and sometimes even when I am glad he was my other half for 30 years.

I remember thinking early on how amazed I was that I could cry so much - how can any human being hold so many tears? Do I still cry after all these years? Yes, but it is usually an anniversary or something special that triggers it. It is not every day, or even every week.

This time of year is particularly hard on everybody. Do the best you can with it - try to take good care of you so you can withstand it and fight back at it. How? Eat healthy, drink a lot of water, try to get some decent sleep, and do something for the simple joy of it - go to a museum or art gallery, listen to some uplifting music, play with your grandkids, grab the frisbee and take the dog to the park, something to remind you of the joy that is still possible - even if it's just a small slice of it. This year I have even added Vitamin D to my health routine as I know I am not getting enough sunshine, and that always makes my mood plummet.

If the crying were everyday for me, years out, and it was still incapacitating me, at that point I would be wise to talk with my doctor about depression and treatments for it. For the first couple of years, it's just grief and normal. But if you find yourself farther out than that and still suffering like it was yesterday, then that is a warning sign, and you need help and treatment. Sometimes you need a breather, and medication can help with that, too.

Hope this helps.....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

It's too new for me. I cry because I can't see him or touch him. I cry because I can't smell his aftershave on him. I cry because it's cold and the pilot lights go out, and I don't know how to light everything. I cry because no one but me is here to clean up after the dogs - that one is rather selfish. I cry because I can still laugh at life and have a sense of humor. I cry because all I have of this wonderful man is a box full of his ashes in a humidor with some of his tobacco, and then I cry because it comforts me to be near that box. I cry when ever the phone doesn't ring, and then I cry when it does ring because I don't want to answer it. I cry because his pillow smells like him, and I worried about the day it won't. That doesn't cover it all, but I am probably not the one who should be responding to this post. LOL

I cry for both & when I cry for myself, I feel really selfish. But then I cry for what my husband is missing in that he'll never see our youngest grandchildren grow up.

Now? I cry simply because I miss him. Marsha

This post made me cry. It's been 4 years for me. The littlest things make me cry now. At first, it was because I miss him and our future together was taken away. I cried for my kids and grandkids, for missing out on having him in their lives. I cry when something breaks and he's not here to fix it. I cry when I'm overwhelmed at work, and he would listen. There's so many reasons to cry. But I do cry less now. It does get better, just not the same.
Paula

I cry because I miss him. I do not cry as often as in the beginning but I still cry. I cry with happy memories. I cry because I thought we would grow old together. After the tears comes a refreshing feeling. I cry in joy that I will see him one day when I enter Heaven along with Jesus.

Christine
I am so thankful for the 40 years that we were blessed with.

Sadheart56, How do you even get to the happy memories, it hurts so much that I lose it at just any thought of him. I want to be able to smile and hold the happy memories, but I just can't even try right now.

I too cry for the lost future we would have had, the anger I feel for the doctor who never came to help him, for my daughters who lost their father much too soon, for my little grandson who will never know his grandfather and for myself for losing my husband of 30 years to pure negligence.

I came across this quote which may be fitting.

we are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. as we were. as we are no longer. as we will one day not be here at all, but together elsewhere
Author ? "

George

As I read all the responses to a simple question, I find that I can relate to every one of them. I share my tears with each and every one of you, in one way or another. We may cry alone, but we are not alone.