That was really rude of him. People don't get it until they go threw it. I'm sorry he made u feel bad. You do what you want, don't worry about others. You have the right to do anything that makes you feel better. It doesn't matter how long someone grieves, everyone is different and takes however long they need. Keep ur head up!

I agree with Steph - very rude. I say be as sentimental for as long as you need to be and if that is for years that is perfectly fine. It is important to you.

Steph nailed it on the head with her reply..........YOU do what YOU want........they have no idea !!!!!...............hugs

I just ordered new checks and kept my husbands name on, it just didn't look right with just my name, plus the fact that I haven't changed the utilitity bills over to my name. Do what feels right to you, regular people don't have a clue how it feels.
Hugs to you,
Christine

I agree, do what helps you through this, do not do any changes when you are in the numb stages of grief, any big decisions can wait and if your banking is one item that gives you comfort keeping your husband name on it, then do it.
Hugs & God Bless,
Judy

Clueless... I agree with all of the above replies.

Yep...totally clueless. I get your reasoning....heck i still have my husbands toothbrush in the toothbrush holder in the bathroom. I just don't want to throw it out, simply because it makes me feel better keeping it there. Do what makes you happy for however long you need to. ((HUGS))

Amen to all the comments, but on a practical note, I also left my husbands name on our account...I don't know about your bank, but my paycheck which is direct deposit had started to arrive a day later. I thought it was my employers system that changed and I never did anything about it but I was in the bank one day on another matter and the teller mentioned to me that since my husband was deceased there was some kinda verification thing they had to do when deposits came through which is why my direct deposit was a day late now. She also mentioned that if something happened to me my kids could have problems closing the account or paying bills.
Do whatever works for you, but you may want to know what it means just to be safe.

(((hugs))) Sometimes when these rude people have nothing to say...wouldn't it be nice if they just said NOTHING at all? I have dealt with comments on still wearing my ring (on the same hand it has been on for almost 20 years now), for being adamant about not DATING (ummm...still married...always will be), leaving the book he was reading the night he died and his reading glasses in the cubby on my headboard on his side of the bed (okay...maybe that is a bit strange...but it gives me comfort..okay) Bottom line...there will always be people who will second guess you in this "grief-walk" but most of them are completely clueless (having never lost a spouse) and those who have and continue to second-guess are just thoughtless.

Take care of yourself.

Carla

I have Mike's name on personal and business checks. I did get new business cards recently with my name and a comment that the business was founded by both me and my husband for the sake of keeping the connection.

Yeah...your friend was rude. Sometimes we have to screen people and know the ones that might say something hurtful or just plain dumb in return.

Maggie

I agree with all hee...

The friend was rude and cluless. Part of you thanks the lucky stars above that he is, and part is so astonished that he is...

I know one time someone said somthing really rude to me about something seemingly small...but NOT TO ME. I was actually in a room full of people at the time. Now usually/ My stock response is nodding, smiling and going on to do what I want to do for ME, but this one time? I just was at my breaking point i guess. I DO remember saying to this person...."where is your wife? O over there is she? Mine is DEAD...UNDERSTAND NOW?'

Of course I apologized for going off, but a part of me felt so good to just get it out for those who constantly read fro that clueless rulebook.

HUGS of understanding...and do what YOU feel is right FOR YOU...you can NVER go wrong with that...

Diane

Thanks for your responses and support, everyone. I think what bothered me the most was my friend's "burst-out" laughter, like it was a funny matter to him.

Thanks for sharing all your tips and the things that you do. I didn't have any kids with my husband, so the bank account with his name on it should not be a problem. I don't think it's strange at all to keep his reading glasses, toothbrush in the bathroom, or anything that's sentimental to you. I still have my husband's toothbrush in the bathroom. His luggage from our honeymoon is still in our bedroom and I still have not got the courage to unpack his clothes yet. Maybe I will do it on the 3 year anniversary mark.

Thanks everyone!

Hugs,
Alice

Some people just don't get it--and it was indeed rude. As for your bank account--there is nothing wrong with keeping his name on the acct--in fact our bank advised it--not only does it help in the event a check comes in that has his name on it (I had several during the months after his death--rebates, insurance cks--several things). Those checks could be deposited with a stamp--I would have had to send them back to be made out in my name alone had I taken his name off the checking acct. Having both names on your checks also keeps it from being obvious to others that you are alone. Bottom line though--YOU CHOSE to keep his name on the acct--and that is something you have a right to do--no one has the right to laugh at you or deride you for not following their "rules". Hugs

I took Jim's name off the checking account, savings account right away but I continued to use the checks with his name until they were gone. I did this because legally I thought you had to. I did have problems with the bank when the first tax return came in and it was a large amount and they didn't want to cash it. So I yelled at the top of my lungs and guess what they cashed it. It really is up to the bank's discretion. Whatever you do it is your decision. Nothing to laugh at. Hugs, Chris

We always had separate bank accounts, so there was no name to remove. I did leave his name on one of the utilities, I like seeing that bill come in his name every month. I still have the pair of jeans and the t-shirt he wore the last time he worked in the yard hanging on the hook in my laundry room where he hung them, the belt is still on them and there is a handkerchief in the pocket...heaven help the person that ever tries to remove them. Like Carla, the ring is still on my left hand and will stay there until they put me in the ground next to him. Does this mean I am not moving forward? NO. I just need to keep the feeling that he was a real person that existed always present. HUGS