Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Sleep

autumn1019
autumn1019
It has been about 2 1/2 months since my husband died and my sleep is still all screwed up. I either sleep for 12 hours straight and never want to get out of bed or I wake up after 2 hours and all I do is think about him and I can't get back to sleep. I do not take any sleep aids. I am exercising and don't drink caffiene except in the morning. Is this just a phase I have to get through?... this business of grieving is exhausting and has totally turned my life upside down. I don't like it one bit and I'm so tired of being sad and crying and being jealous of married people. I've been feeling especially lonely with the holidays and all...I hate being a widow. Thanks for the rant.
jillieg
jillieg
I second the tylenol pm...but I only ever take one...it helped me in the very early stages...I am fortunate NOT to have interrupted sleep patterns...I also go to the bed about the same time every night and get up the same time in the morning...even on the days I have off from work...it WILL get better...hugs, Jill
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't be too hard on yourself....sleep when you can.
However, your body will be receptive to a routine, even though your mind might not.
A long, hot bubble bath might relax you. A book will divert a wandering mind. The only thing I ever took was ibuprofen. I used to think a glass of wine would relax me, but I find I sleep better without it.
For me, sleep can still be elusive.
Hugs and Good Night,
Cathy
widowhoodsucks
widowhoodsucks
I didn't sleep for days after my husband died and did have to get some sleeping pills. Even after 3.5 years, I still have some sleepless nights. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. You are just getting started on this journey and it can be rough. Just remember that we are all here for you! Hugs!!! Barbara
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi,

I still have sleep issues sometimes and it kind of sets a tired tone for the day when it happens. It was a lot worse when it first happened, though. I think the suggestion of setting routines for relaxation is helpful.

Shar
Darlene-Newman
Darlene-Newman
I am 9 months into widowhood. For at least 5 months I could not sleep until I was just totally worn out. I would go for days with hardly any sleep then I would sleep for almost 24 hours at a time. Now, I am getting better rest but not really great. However, it has improved. That is the important thing.
I still have nights I cannot sleep. I try fixing a cup of herbal Sleepy Time Tea, going to bed and reading while I drink the tea. It helps a little. Fortunately the number and frequency of sleepless nights has reduced during the past 2 months. Warm hugs to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I had a little trouble in the first couple of months. I woke up a couple of times with my heart pounding. Sorry for your loss and for your sleep problem. I have a widower friend who after a year still couldn't sleep. He wouldn't sleep in their bed, and he would "sleep" in a recliner with the TV on and smoking cigarettes all night. His Wife would have knocked him upside the head for smoking in the house. Anyway, good luck, it's obviously not unusual to have some trouble for a while.
cleodoggie
cleodoggie
At the beginning I slept less hours than usual and now I usually have no problem sleeping. Of course now I am going on 3 years in April. It does get better.
RRA55
RRA55
I think you are experiencing what are pretty normal sleep issues for only 2-1/2 months. I am so sorry, I know how exhausting it is. There are alot of good suggestions by other's you can try. I think it is different for us all as well. For me I still don't sleep well and it is now over a year. I will say for me it is now more about being uncomfortable with being alone and my safety issues.. I really think you are probably so tired and lonely that it just compounds the issues of sleep. I wish you well and it will get better in time, sorry I don't have any better advise. Come back and rant as often as you like.
cheerryG
cheerryG
There is nothing wrong with going to your MD and getting some ambien or lunesta. The physical damage that lack of sleep, and stress on your body far outwieghs the risk of dependency on these meds. They can be tapered off slowly and hving a good nights sleep is like the holy grail for us! G-
Thor24
Thor24
I'm at 18 months and i'm finally sleeping about 5 to 6 hours. I still wake up in the night, but it's finally getting somewhat better. Funny thing,, I find with sleeping better, that I'm more tired. Maybe the shock is starting to where off, and Gina's death is now hitting me on a different level.....It just never seems to end,,,,, Todd
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wake up all night long.....I am so tired at work I can barely remember what I am working on......I hate mornings because I remember he is gone. This whole grieving stuff is so much tougher than I ever imagined. Lord have mercy on us all.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dealing with death is something no one understands except for the person left behind. Sleep seems to be such an inconvenience during any hard times in our lives. A doctor might help with sleeping pills because without sleep nothing works.
I would like to remind you all that you seemed to have had something amazing in your lives, something most of us only dream about.Please remember to cherish and be very thankful for that experience of a great, long and happy relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dealing with death is something no one understands except for the person left behind. Sleep seems to be such an inconvenience during any hard times in our lives. A doctor might help with sleeping pills because without sleep nothing works.
I would like to remind you all that you seemed to have had something amazing in your lives, something most of us only dream about.Please remember to cherish and be very thankful for that experience of a great, long and happy relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dealing with death is something no one understands except for the person left behind. Sleep seems to be such an inconvenience during any hard times in our lives. A doctor might help with sleeping pills because without sleep nothing works.
I would like to remind you all that you seemed to have had something amazing in your lives, something most of us only dream about.Please remember to cherish and be very thankful for that experience of a great, long and happy relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dealing with death is something no one understands except for the person left behind. Sleep seems to be such an inconvenience during any hard times in our lives. A doctor might help with sleeping pills because without sleep nothing works.
I would like to remind you all that you seemed to have had something amazing in your lives, something most of us only dream about.Please remember to cherish and be very thankful for that experience of a great, long and happy relationship.