The Coffee Shop Community Group
ARE YOU TIRED? TIRED OF BEING SICK? Then come and join us at the Coffee Shop. A place to hang out and forget about everything. Have a seat and grab a cup of coffee, tea, or water....and lets have a chat! *NOTE* Coffee Shop is not responsible for peeing yourself. Thank you....Dee
IRISH MEDICAL DICTIONARY
Artery......................... The study of paintings
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section.........A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her
Colic............................ A sheep dog
Coma........................... A punctuation mark
Dilate..............................To live long
Enema.......................... Not a friend
Fester......................... ....Quicker than someone else
Fibula.......................... ....A small lie
Impotent........................ Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain.....................Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane
Morbid.......................... ...A higher offer
Nitrates....................... .....Cheaper than day rates
Node........................... .....I knew it
Outpatient..................... ...A person who has fainted
Pelvis......................... .......Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative................ A letter carrier
Recovery Room................ Place to do upholstery
Rectum......................... .....Nearly killed him
Secretion...................... .....Hiding something
Seizure........................ .......Roman emperor
Tablet......................... .......A small table
Terminal Illness............... .Getting sick at the airport
Tumour.............................One plus one more
Urine.......................... .......Opposite of you're out
2 x Condoms....................To be sure, to be sure!
Artery......................... The study of paintings
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section.........A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her
Colic............................ A sheep dog
Coma........................... A punctuation mark
Dilate..............................To live long
Enema.......................... Not a friend
Fester......................... ....Quicker than someone else
Fibula.......................... ....A small lie
Impotent........................ Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain.....................Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane
Morbid.......................... ...A higher offer
Nitrates....................... .....Cheaper than day rates
Node........................... .....I knew it
Outpatient..................... ...A person who has fainted
Pelvis......................... .......Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative................ A letter carrier
Recovery Room................ Place to do upholstery
Rectum......................... .....Nearly killed him
Secretion...................... .....Hiding something
Seizure........................ .......Roman emperor
Tablet......................... .......A small table
Terminal Illness............... .Getting sick at the airport
Tumour.............................One plus one more
Urine.......................... .......Opposite of you're out
2 x Condoms....................To be sure, to be sure!
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose
early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy , M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
> manufactured in England . In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000
> jars of
> the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was
> to
> be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in NewYork.
> This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever
> delivered to Mexico . But as we know, the great ship did not make it
> to
> New York . The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever
> lost.
> The people of Mexico , who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were
> eagerly
> awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish
> was so
> great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still
> observe to this day.
> The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
> of
> course, as Sinko De Mayo.
>
> What did you expect, something educational from me?
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt
A dog that runs for help with your arm in his mouth!
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.'
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. 'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if....
The ice cream truck hadn't come along....
'Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.
A little girl raised her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,' she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well,' she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must have been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl.
'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff''........
and before he could say 'Fuck,' the Rottweiler ate him.
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and tossed my wine in the garbage.
She's such a bitch.
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,
a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully and try and answer within 30 seconds
Got your answer? Now scroll down to see the analysis.
If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.
A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.
Obviously you're stressed and overworked. You should take some time off and relax!