"MAY TRIGGER"
I know I have posted to friends that I was not going to be able to spend as much time on the board for a while due to personal issues - and I had not intended to post anything as once I have, I try to watch and check back for replies to my post. But this one subject I thought was worth posting for nothing more than fuller comprehension, understanding and clarification reasons.
In the past I have posted about my abuse, I have mentioned that my cousin and uncle abused me starting when I was the age of 8 for my cousin and 13 for my uncle. I have heard from various people about the "pedophiles" in my life. And I have heard that phrase used often on this site; in many cases the survivors here may have been the victim of a true pedophile, and I am not going to say whether they were or not. But again, for clarification of the issue, I think an understanding of pedophilia may help some. I know this may sound like splitting hairs, but I just wanted to make clear a definition issue here.
Actually neither my cousin or my uncles were true pedophiles. A true, or exclusive pedophile ONLY derives sexual arousal or pleasure through having fantasies or sexual contact with prepubescent children ( DSM-5 and IDC-10 definitions, loosely). They may be married, but often cannot perform in the bedroom with an adult wife unless there is some "child" stimulation involved - role play, pictures, kiddy porn.
My cousin and my uncle were what I refer to as "opportunistic sexual abusers" or even "sexual predators" as both had relationships with many age ranges. Since his death I found out that my cousin abused me, friends his same age, and his older brother. With the young children he performed pedophilic acts, but he was an "equal opportunity abuser" - he did not care for gender, age, or race - anyone was fair game. He would, to put it like my father would "screw anything that was not moving too fast".
My uncle also performed pedophilic acts with me, but once he was divorced and moved to San Francisco, his neighbor informed the family the he had overnight "guests" of all ages, but none that appeared underage. He died several years ago also and his ex-wife had "checked up on him" as her children often flew out to see him. She was concerned about her youngest being around her ex, but not enough to keep him at home! No one really knows whether he abused his own two sons, but I would put nothing past him.
If you are a survivor of childhood abuse, you probably could not care less about the "label" -- for with you, the abuser was a pedophile. But in the technical term, they may also have raped other ages. That is why I bring this up.
A victim of abuse that I worked with several years ago talked of how she was abused by her father, who was also known to keep her children after school; both girls in their later teens. I asked her why she trusted him around them and she said "Well, he is a pedophile and they only like YOUNG children, right? My girls are both much older than I was."
We, of course had to do some quick arrangements to make sure the girls had a safer place to be other than at "Grandpa's" house until their mother got off work. And we had to educate her on how some abusers will sexually abuse various ages of people, as long as they can do it and make sure that the person does not say anything to anyone - so ANY vulnerable population can be their targets.
Also, this bring up another subject - sexual abuse of elders. Of all the sexual abuse research that is done, there is virtually NO research on this type of elder abuse. There is a "-philia" that goes with someone who exclusively has sex or fantasizes about elders - it is called "gerontophilia" or "gerophlilia" and the reason that there is so little known about it is that it is reported so infrequently. Elderly men and women are not going to just admit that they were raped. As an Elder Abuse Investigator, we found that many of our clients had been molested by younger men and women, often family members, and usually because they contracted some form of venereal disease or other infection related to sexual activity. And one reason they do not report is often because the abuser is the family member that takes them in and keeps them from going to a Long-term Care Facility.
To assume your abuser is a true pedophile may leave older children and disabled people at risk, as it may be assumed they have no interest in anything BUT children - the percentage of true pedophiles is extremely low compared to the abusers that will take advantage of anyone they can.
I hope this helps some to understand that "pedophiles" may not be true or exclusive pedophiles and may sexually abuse others that you may not think of due to the survivors older age.
Thanks for listening to all my ramblings - I just hope that someone can use this information to protect others in bad situations, regardless of their age.
All my best for a while- at least I am trying to give myself a breather!!!
Refuse2quit