Yes it has. I just replied to your other post so some of this may be duplicate.

I was abused from 8-12 and forgot all of it by the time I was 13. Then I was raped repeatedly by a neighborhood boy at 13 & 14 and forgot that by the time I was 16 (maybe 15). I didn't remember again until 30 years later.

During that time I had many instances where my reaction to something was much stronger than it was for others. And the most disturbing one I dealt with was that violent sex aroused me. This troubled me so much and I honestly thought there was something seriously wrong with me. That was until I remembered the abuse and remembered that it was very violent. I have since healed this part of me and violence no longer arouses me (thank God).

I also didn't remember what age I was when the abuse started. For a long time I thought it started at 9 but i have recently remembered it started at 8. (I think this answers your other post.)

Once you start your therapy you will begin to put the pieces together and you will allow yourself to feel all the feelings that you have buried and once that starts your healing will move right along. Although it never moves as fast as any of us wish it would.

Take care

Thank you, LuckyEmpath. This does help a lot. It makes lots of sense. It's so crazy to think about the lengths that our minds will go to to try and "keep us safe". I still don't know much about what happened, besides colors and feelings of dread. It's a lot of darkness, locked behind this wall in my head. I've also experienced arousal in regards to violent or abusive sexual or physical situations, and it disturbing. It's hard to admit that morbid curiosity and interest is real.

I know healing will take time, and that's okay. I'd probably be overwhelmed if it all happened at once anyways. I'm glad I have the opportunity to start counseling soon, and I'll be able to dig a little deeper into all of this, and maybe one day understand a little better. Thanks again :)

I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old by my step brother, I told my mom a few weeks into the abuse and then as I went through elementary and middle school I found myself blocking the bad memories, but also blocking the good memories. I had a lot of trouble in school as far as remembering what I had learned the previous year. And I think it's really common for people to either block the memories of their sexual abuse or just not remember them at all.

It is amazing what our minds will do to keep us safe. Even now, 3 years after my first flashback, I still have not remembered the man who abused me. He has no face in every memory that has returned. Since I am at the end of my healing process it is unlikely I will ever remember what he looked like, or his name. For some reason, my mind has decided to keep that blocked forever.

I did remember the house it happened in (it was a neighbor) and I had my brother describe the inside of the house which confirmed I had the right house (it was a strangely setup house. Not like any others in the neighborhood). And he remembers the family who lived there so we can guess who the abuser was but without an actual memory of him I have no proof who did it. And believe me, if I had proof, I'd have him arrested in an instant.

Take care

With me I have only recently (within the last 5 yrs or so) have been dealing with the same thing. I believe I was molested at a family picnic when I was 5.. The details I remember are day of the week, exact location, I know there were two other cousins standing there. I know what he said, his messed up laugh... I even remember what he did and how, what he said during it...
BUT every time I (in my flashbacks or dreams) I grab his arm to see who it is... No face, nothing even if I watched him talking to me still no face....
Then I start wondering if it really happened..
(Next message)

Thanks to the folks in this site have really helped me to not stress about the who and just help with the heal...
I was also violently raped with a farm crop when I was 12,13....

Both of these I totally blocked out till I was in therapy that was really in your face type... The therapist wanted me to write something from a victims stance on a topic. I wrote it so well that he was almost in tears.
I was embarrassed about writing, and at the time had no idea why.
He asked me if I had ever been abused I answered not sexually...
He had me read it out loud, I couldn't finish it.

( I have to stop, going to write a book)

I have dealt with this too. When I was 10 I was molested by my dear brother (who was 14 at the time). Almost immediately I had forgotten about it, probably until I was a sophomore in high school. I was taking a police science class (at the time I was looking to go into the military) and we were learning about sexual assault/abuse. It made me think of what my brother did to me, but I just kind of brushed it off. It wasn't until last year when I was starting to become intimate with my at the time boyfriend, when I all of a sudden was badly triggered. I realized that I had completely forgotten about the abuse. But like others have mentioned, when you begin therapy for this and you start feeling the feelings and emotions that you've repressed over the years, that's when you start to heal.

* older brother..... Dumb autocorrect. Geez..

Notalone - you may remember the persons face and you may not. I'm glad you have reached a place where you know you can heal without that piece of information. I have found it an unnecessary piece of information (no face) in my healing process (except that I would love to press charges and can't without that piece)

A riding crop? Mine was a very large knitting needle. Caused a very painful infection in my abdomen. A painful infection I don't even remember having but when I had surgery 4 years ago the Dr. said he had to clean up a tremendous amount of scar tissue from it. It was 2 years after that surgery that I remembered what caused it. Sometimes the memories come back...sometimes just the feelings from them do and that's what needs to be healed...the feelings.

Thank you all so much for your openness and willingness to share. This helps me tremendously, just to know I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. I do know that hiding the truth from myself and others is certainly something I would have done as a child.

On a related but non-sexual note, I was verbally abused and ridiculed repeatedly by a babysitter when I was 5. I still remember the awful things she said to me and how cruel she was in front of the other children. Yet, instead of telling my parents about what she did, I hid it from them and pretended that everything was okay-- and I went to her house for a year or so. I told my parents when I was 10 about all the things this woman had done, and they were flabbergasted that I had kept it from them. But, as I have later come to realize, this babysitter was the adult, and adults were supposed to know how to do the right thing. And you didn't tell on adults when they were "bad"-- you told on other kids.

This certainly makes me think that I would be capable of thinking the exact same thing about an abuser, and even making myself forget about it. I believe that the abuse occurred around this time, probably before when I was in day care.

I remember a specific day care facility-- just colors and what music they played there. That might not have been where the abuse occurred necessarily, but it's the facility I keep remembering in conjunction with the faceless man. It's a start at least. I know this is only the beginning, and I don't think I need to know who it was to heal. I think the biggest part for me is believing myself when I admit it did happen.

I was abused when I was 4, someone my parents and I knew talked me into coming to his apartment.
Well, mom had told me never to go into anyone's apartment without her permission. I thought it was my fault. I repressed it.