Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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I think I was sexually abuse but Im no sure.

brittaniet
brittaniet
So this week me and my (ex) boyfriend was going to a public in a store because he told me he had to use it. (No one was around, it was in the hallway in front of the bathroom and the place was pretty empty because it was at night. And all day he has been messing around and joking about sex,) but anyway he kinda just kissed me and we made out with is normal but then he started grabbing between my crotch and I told him that hurt. He stopped but then he put his hand down my pants and started rubbing me. I told him again that it hurts and he just kept going and said imagine it feels good. After he said that h took my hand and put it on his dick and started making my hand rub it. I pull my hand back and told him to stop that he was hurting me. And he did. But he kept trying to make me put my hand down his pants. But I wouldn't do it and got him off topic of it. But then he pulled up my shirt and looked at my boobs and started grabbing them, it tried to put my shirt down but he kept pulling it back up, which made me feel uncomfortable. But I ripped it back down. And he still kept on with the hand job until he gave up and got upset with me then went to the bathroom and told me that he was going to go finish what you started. Then we just left the store but he kept trying to convince me to send him nudes and such. I broke up with him the next day and I felt nasty and embarrassed with myself for the next few days.
So idk if it is sexual abuse because I feel like I didn't stop it in time and so it is my fault. Also idk if its because I'm a virgin and inexperienced with sexual stuff.
donnawanda
donnawanda
It was definitely sexual abuse. You did right to break up with him. His behavior was way out of line, and you didn't do anything wrong whatsoever. But it is normal to feel confused, guilty and ashamed after being subjected to such abusive behavior.

Please find a counselor to talk to, and be very careful of that guy. Do not get back together with him, and don't put yourself into any vulnerable situation where he could assault you.

You did all the right things and you did well to break up with him. Stay strong because you are right. That behavior is abusive and not at all what you should expect from a boyfriend. You should expect a boyfriend to care about your feelings, and respect your boundaries, and not just want what he wants regardless of how it feels to you.
KAdunn
KAdunn
That would definitely be considered sexual abuse and assault. I'm so sorry you went thru all that. Donna is right you did the right thing. Is there a trusted adult that you could confide in? what he did to you is a crime. It wasn't your fault and you didn't cause it. (((hugs)))
brittaniet
brittaniet
I have told my parents pieces but they don't know the whole truth. I didn't tell them it all because I'm so ashamed of it. But I have told my twin sister, she keeps telling me its not my fault and that that counts as molesting. I am just so confused. I mean this was my first serious relationship and he knew that. He knew that he was my first kiss but he just kept trying taking it farther and farther. I've moved on from him and have nothing to do with him, but I just can't let go of the shame and embarrassment of it all. I just don't know what to do.
Precious97
Precious97
You need to see if your parents can get you in to see a therapist. Maybe that will help you process what has happened. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
brittaniet
brittaniet
I have a therapist. I see here every other week so I get to talk to her this week since it happened last week. But I bet she is going to tell me, what everyone has already told me. I don't understand at all. How do I get over this feeling. I mean I am not the 1st girl he has done this to. I know a lot of others but I thought it was just rumors, I guess not. Is there anything I can do to protect others since I couldn't protect myself?
Precious97
Precious97
Call the cops and turn the bastard in honey! That'll stop him dead! They may not do anything but it'll scare him into stopping, I hope! He's a rapist in the making. Someone has to stop him before he does worse!
brittaniet
brittaniet
Are you sure that's the best way? Because none of the other girls have done it. And what if he gets mad at me and starts rumors and such?
notalone00
notalone00
If you do not turn him in, he will continue.. It might not end up with him getting into trouble, he will also lie his pants off, blaming you something terrible, and sadly done even spread lies...
But think of the next girl...( really not trying to guilt you, really I'm not...
I'm repeating some advice I've received over the years)
He will probably rape her ( this is in no way your fault, or because you didn't do enough...)
It seems like he is going a little further and a little further with each girl, then 'gives up'... But he doesn't, he never will... He'll keep going to something very bad or terrible happens...
This is the type of guy that gives real men, trustworthy guys, a bad name... That " ALL men must be like this..."
We are not, and most of us are ashamed of creeps like this..

I'm very sorry you went through and delt with this...
But you did a wonderful job fighting him off. You didn't just give up ( like I did, ) and just let him do it... You also did great in not sending him nudes, or even partials nudes... Then he would use that to blackmail you into sex...

You did a wonderful job...

To answer your original question...

Not only is this sexual abuse, but rape ( Doesn't have to have 'sex' to be rape) and also sexual assault, and other forms of assault in there too... Even kidnapping, intimidation and all sorts of other things...
( it's kidnapping because he held you against your will)

You are strong, brave person!!

You're not alone here!!
donnawanda
donnawanda
I am not sure whether going to the police is the best thing because I have not been in this situation. However, I have an idea that might make it easier if you do decide to do so. Find the other girls and convince them to go with you. Also, if this creature goes to your school, you girls can go together to the principal and report him.

Basically, my idea is that your voices will be stronger if you support each other in what you're saying. Nobody believed Bill Cosby was a rapist until woman after woman started disclosing ... there is strength in numbers.

I think this is the best course of action because it gives you and the others a voice to say "This happened, and it was not okay!" But if you feel you cannot do it, in my opinion, you are entitled to take care of yourself. You never asked to be put in this position.
KAdunn
KAdunn
looking back I wish I would have turned mine in at the time. You're so brave to be able to tell your parents anything. The horrible feeling will only stop or heal after being in therapy. At least that's how it was for me. No matter what rumors he may spread, you and you're real friends and family knows the truth. ((hugs))
KAdunn
KAdunn
plus also I would recommend writing it all down. all your feelings and what happened. That helped immensely too.
brittaniet
brittaniet
The only problem about going to the police is what if he blames me and they believe him. He does go to my school and everyone in the school knows he has a high sex drive and that he is a fuckboy. Pretty much everyone knows what he has done to other girls and they knew it was going to happen to me too. I don't get why no one ever says anything to him. I have considered talking to the other girls to stand up against him, but for some reason I am scared to and I don't really know why. I am currently in therapy because I was abused by my mom and I have anorexia and depression. I'll bring that up when I meet with her later today. But I feel maybe that's why he choose me, he thought I'd be vulnerable and an easy target. He also already has a new girlfriend, but she is known as the school slut. But idk how to help her just in case he take advantage of her too.
brittaniet
brittaniet
And I have wrote it down plenty of time, each time I still feel disgusted with myself and extremely depressed. I really just want to move past this but I feel like there is a brick wall standing in front of me that won't let me.
awol83
awol83
I would suggest writing everything out you need to say and then saying it to whoever you need to. If you feel you can tell your parents then do so but i don't know them so you need to gauge from what you've already told them, how they will react. Tell your therapist. Go down to the police station and talk to someone there. find someone to go with too. I think that would help but have everything down in writing. Police like details. They will better know how to handle this for you. You may not be the first girl to report him so that's important to think about. He may be one strike away from being in big trouble. On the other hand, they may just say, not enough evidence and theirs nothing you can do BUT, it will be reported and so if another girl in the future goes in, your story will be on file. Do this sooner (like now) rather then later, tie off all the loose ends of this and continue to heal.
donnawanda
donnawanda
I'm very sorry this happened to you on top of the other things you are dealing with. I think it's likely that boy sensed your vulnerability, as you suspect. It won't hurt you to be aware of that, and be very cautious going forward, because there are people out there who target the vulnerable - we have to be sharp to avoid them.

Another thing you could do is go to the school psychologist or guidance counselor about him. Without making any excuses for his bad behavior, I would say this kid is pretty troubled and the school authorities ought to address it before something even worse happens. It doesn't mean they will, unfortunately, but either way, you will know that you took whatever action you could. Maybe you can let the school officials guide you as to whether or not you go to the police.
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