Yeah, I am a world champion at failing....just gotten really good at not letting people get close...no one is worth that kind of pain. Guess that's why I just leave like I do, I get to know someone, I dont want feel anything, so I just leave.

Hey
Good advice, thanx, Bec
We talked, I think that I was just in an infatuation mode or something like that. I mean she is not exactly in the best position for us to even be friends. Hell I dont know. I've got a lot of growing up to do. I also have to remember and face the facts that I cant even trust myself t0 be a good friend to myself . How can I expect a women share her heart with me then.
I am horny all the time though and going walking around with a semi most of the time is hard lol
I feel intimidated by women. What is up with that
Hope that u are well

Yeah, I'm just failing a lot more here lately...and idk...weird but now I dont mind it so much. Not sure if I'm just getting used to things or accepted this is my life or like I been reading, maybe I'm not an addict, I'm whats called a nymphomaniac..just, who knows any more...worse...does anyone really care.

For about a week now I've been with a guy who has been making deliveries of product. He likes it that I'm not a user like other girls he has been with. Guess that's why he makes sure the guys treat me nice and with respect. I realized I don't much like working the streets, especially when I was dropped off in ghetto areas. While fun, making me feel wanted, alive and sometimes exciting, 20$ tricks is not my idea of good. And it was working like that when my depression and feelings of uselessness, dirty and disgusted would hit me. But now, working with him has been fun. I feel alive, and those bad feelings are gone. I"m not put on the street, I work with him and a few other guys, stay a day or so, then off to a new place, with new guys. I mean, I know what I am, they know what I am but I'm treated nice, all have invited me back any time. Maybe this was all I needed.

Hope you are doing ok Bec.
I have been working on a few of my other destructive type behaviors.
Food and sex are so closely related eh!. Not sure if u can relate, most cant I guess, but for me I need food more than sex, and my addiction to sugar trumps the sex and porn thing. Not sure how it all works exactly, but I over ate last night . was really looking around at bums. mmmmm. yum. Ate to much,, had to puke a bit up, then had to jerk off. I am putting 2 and 2 together here. lol.

It is love not sex I yearn for.
Sugar and sex are just quick fixes don't u think?
Like my Grandfather said to me on his death bed.

Mike, if you can't be good, Be Careful.
That was huge for him to say to me.

wishing you the best.
Sincerely
Mike

Been awhile. Has been a strange few weeks. The guy I was with turned out to be just your basic pimp, after a few good jobs, cuz one guy didnt like my looks or body, he like bbws I guess, I got dropped off on the streets to work. After a week or so, I was able to get away.

I completely understand how you feel, if pleases you but then you feel disgusted by your actions, but you just cant stop going back to it, you dont know if you can stop. the addiction starts. i myself had an addiction to porn but i finished it, i am trying to fight this addiction to masturbation now, but its so hard i just want to give up. Last week i did it everynight i was so angry at god for never talking to me, i wake up and go to school in pain agony cramps stomach pain couldnt sit down. I liked it though it was like a punishment so i kept going until i had another panic attack from all the stress and guilt i had been feeling. NO one knows except these strangers online and one friend at school which i told last week. she said it was normal i dont think she understand how badly im addicted. i understand where you are coming from beccasweet

An accountability friend needn't live with you, if you have a friend you trust ask for help - if you read try the porn trap, or in the shadows of the net, if it's internet related, or SAA material.

thanks... just how life is I guess...hope you are staying safe.