Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I remember the feeling the day i started
.it was hard to explain
but i got to that stage
and it began
i thought i could walk away from it easy
but i was wrong
i have had an abusive past
and i hated myself for it
every one i ever loved left me
i was with drawn so i did could not comunicate
with any one i hated every thing and it grew
day by day
.i had been very depressed in the past
even suicidal
but i got though it all by myself
in the end its only you
doctors were a big failure to me
promised a lot and came up with nothing
i was in a relationship that was collapsing
and becoming abusive again
situation at work had gotten bad
and i had 30 people aginst me for something
that was not my fault
that became agressive towards me and i took it badly
the breake down of my relationship
lost me my house my patner
and my job
i had also met an old love at the time
that seemed like new hope
and that all went wrong
leaving me more alone
and one night while people slept
i went down stairs
and started to cut myself
in the same way some one destroys a painting
i felt blank it was like tearing off wallpaper
while you dont even think about it
it didnt even hurt i felt so dead
myself had become a thing and in some ways
the marks i had left were a sign in my life that something could heal
while in side i felt i could not
i got caught up in this trap
,i went to the doctors one morning after
a lot of cuts i thought i cant cope anymore
this is not normal i cant cope another night
i kept away from the docs because of my past
problems ,i thought they will just brush me off and give me pills
but i went
i said i need an appointment
and the reception said i cant fit you in till next week ..inside i died i had to face myself another night
she said
is it an emergency?
and i looked at her and said no
and walked home
and things contiuded for about a year
and i also started drinking lots of vodka
and i would just crash
and cut
drink and a blade never mix well
in the end i felt so hurt
i even took pitty on myself
and didnt cut anymore
.it was hard to explain
but i got to that stage
and it began
i thought i could walk away from it easy
but i was wrong
i have had an abusive past
and i hated myself for it
every one i ever loved left me
i was with drawn so i did could not comunicate
with any one i hated every thing and it grew
day by day
.i had been very depressed in the past
even suicidal
but i got though it all by myself
in the end its only you
doctors were a big failure to me
promised a lot and came up with nothing
i was in a relationship that was collapsing
and becoming abusive again
situation at work had gotten bad
and i had 30 people aginst me for something
that was not my fault
that became agressive towards me and i took it badly
the breake down of my relationship
lost me my house my patner
and my job
i had also met an old love at the time
that seemed like new hope
and that all went wrong
leaving me more alone
and one night while people slept
i went down stairs
and started to cut myself
in the same way some one destroys a painting
i felt blank it was like tearing off wallpaper
while you dont even think about it
it didnt even hurt i felt so dead
myself had become a thing and in some ways
the marks i had left were a sign in my life that something could heal
while in side i felt i could not
i got caught up in this trap
,i went to the doctors one morning after
a lot of cuts i thought i cant cope anymore
this is not normal i cant cope another night
i kept away from the docs because of my past
problems ,i thought they will just brush me off and give me pills
but i went
i said i need an appointment
and the reception said i cant fit you in till next week ..inside i died i had to face myself another night
she said
is it an emergency?
and i looked at her and said no
and walked home
and things contiuded for about a year
and i also started drinking lots of vodka
and i would just crash
and cut
drink and a blade never mix well
in the end i felt so hurt
i even took pitty on myself
and didnt cut anymore
bullied at school at home
that has to show up in some form
it schoool i was a ghost i kept very quiet
i still got hit at times and picked on
but there were others who got worse
some times i wish i could go back and be more brave and help one girl i knew that was hurt alot
but back then i was just trying to get by myself
thats odd because i remember a time i felt i broke
it was as if i could hear the snap inside
my father did that to me
by setting me impossible taskes
and then saying i had failed
and i was so young
.i was very narrow minded
of coarse people here are in other
support groups for lots of hidden reasons
i was a bit closed to that,
thinking this was a group to its self
and that is crazy
i just wanted people to remember
that there is a human face to self harm
that is more than actions on your self
there are people who SI
for totally diffrent reasons to me
you cant put all SI in one small box
that neatly fits all
SI is complex
i just wanted to try and see a bit more past all the posts that just say help me
help me is also ok
i have done the same myself at times
just knowing that you can say help
and you have a voice is worth a lot
i just felt that if people can find something in them self as a reason
and work on that it may be an better
fight than trying to fight
the term cutter
that seems to have no answer
its just like some dark shadow of an idea
sorry if i stressed anyone
x
but before that, whenever i got mad, i would punch my arms or legs to try and make bruises
1) appendix cut out when I was 8. This was the first time I actually seen a wound from a knife on my skin. I think that may have given me the initial idea.
2) Arguing with my dad when I was 9 and holding a knife to my chest threating to kill myself if he wouldnt stop shouting at me and hurting me.
I think both these things are connected for me. I think both were required in order for me to have the idea of cutting myself, as it certainly didn't come from friends etc.
i didnt like my home situation and i kept thinking more and more about what happened to me
the main thing was i start JUNIOR HIGH
scary, new friends, missed the old ones, bullied, over wieght, shy, work, just too much on my plate
and then one day, i dont even remember being particularly upset that day either, but i guess i felt alone. and it kinda seemed like things were starting to fall apart and i didnt know who i was anymore. and i think only one other person was in the house, so i took a replacement razor from a box-cutter, and just did it. the funny thing was that i wasnt even thinking about what i'd heard from my friends, i dont remember it crossing my mind. but from then on, i wanted more and more.