Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I remember the feeling the day i started
.it was hard to explain
but i got to that stage
and it began
i thought i could walk away from it easy
but i was wrong
i have had an abusive past
and i hated myself for it
every one i ever loved left me
i was with drawn so i did could not comunicate
with any one i hated every thing and it grew
day by day
.i had been very depressed in the past
even suicidal
but i got though it all by myself
in the end its only you
doctors were a big failure to me
promised a lot and came up with nothing
i was in a relationship that was collapsing
and becoming abusive again
situation at work had gotten bad
and i had 30 people aginst me for something
that was not my fault
that became agressive towards me and i took it badly
the breake down of my relationship
lost me my house my patner
and my job
i had also met an old love at the time
that seemed like new hope
and that all went wrong
leaving me more alone
and one night while people slept
i went down stairs
and started to cut myself
in the same way some one destroys a painting
i felt blank it was like tearing off wallpaper
while you dont even think about it
it didnt even hurt i felt so dead
myself had become a thing and in some ways
the marks i had left were a sign in my life that something could heal
while in side i felt i could not
i got caught up in this trap
,i went to the doctors one morning after
a lot of cuts i thought i cant cope anymore
this is not normal i cant cope another night
i kept away from the docs because of my past
problems ,i thought they will just brush me off and give me pills
but i went
i said i need an appointment
and the reception said i cant fit you in till next week ..inside i died i had to face myself another night
she said
is it an emergency?
and i looked at her and said no
and walked home
and things contiuded for about a year
and i also started drinking lots of vodka
and i would just crash
and cut
drink and a blade never mix well
in the end i felt so hurt
i even took pitty on myself
and didnt cut anymore
.it was hard to explain
but i got to that stage
and it began
i thought i could walk away from it easy
but i was wrong
i have had an abusive past
and i hated myself for it
every one i ever loved left me
i was with drawn so i did could not comunicate
with any one i hated every thing and it grew
day by day
.i had been very depressed in the past
even suicidal
but i got though it all by myself
in the end its only you
doctors were a big failure to me
promised a lot and came up with nothing
i was in a relationship that was collapsing
and becoming abusive again
situation at work had gotten bad
and i had 30 people aginst me for something
that was not my fault
that became agressive towards me and i took it badly
the breake down of my relationship
lost me my house my patner
and my job
i had also met an old love at the time
that seemed like new hope
and that all went wrong
leaving me more alone
and one night while people slept
i went down stairs
and started to cut myself
in the same way some one destroys a painting
i felt blank it was like tearing off wallpaper
while you dont even think about it
it didnt even hurt i felt so dead
myself had become a thing and in some ways
the marks i had left were a sign in my life that something could heal
while in side i felt i could not
i got caught up in this trap
,i went to the doctors one morning after
a lot of cuts i thought i cant cope anymore
this is not normal i cant cope another night
i kept away from the docs because of my past
problems ,i thought they will just brush me off and give me pills
but i went
i said i need an appointment
and the reception said i cant fit you in till next week ..inside i died i had to face myself another night
she said
is it an emergency?
and i looked at her and said no
and walked home
and things contiuded for about a year
and i also started drinking lots of vodka
and i would just crash
and cut
drink and a blade never mix well
in the end i felt so hurt
i even took pitty on myself
and didnt cut anymore
I" feel like I am in a mental box and there is no way out whichever way I try to think. "
That is it !!!!!
I cant see a way !!!
That is the final thought that i get trapped into That is the one..... from then on
logic does not work anymore
and the SI thing becomes a thought
or answer
"""was isolated and turned everything inward.
It was a release from the constant tension I felt in my body and gave me a sense of control over what I was feeling when everything else was spinning out of control. """
That i understand that is where i was at
and get to
reading this stuff is like a wave of people
who understand me at last
So many thoughts of worry and self doubt that it was like turning on a tv that was nothing but static"
again more links
the keeping this thing going
like a trap to fall into
is the thing
it was like i have forgotten how to cry
.i used to notice how i didnt feel anything
like tears just the noise
i can say the urge not to SI is very hard to pass over but i know it can be
and i know i will feel awfull for a while
if i can live with that
.I will be ok
its hard but its just what has to be done
.i see the suffering though it as the illness now
not he action
i made a shift in view
The particular mantal process results from a percieved pattern in the mind of the SI of repeated failure in one or more areas. This develops into a feeling of inadequecy, and a mindset of being useless and always failing at what one tries to do.
It becomes worse than this because the mind starts to become programmed to fail and some how or other, through tiredness, stress, lack of attention, or just the feeling that you cannot suceed, you will tend to fail more often. Where you did not really fail your mind will still paint the outcome of a failure.
Following a failure the SI thinks he/she has no right to compassion and should be punished somehow. Inflicting pain brings a release in respect that the penalty for failue has now been paid.
The problem the SIs have is that they see themselves as being bad people who always let people down. If people become angry at them for their self hurting behaviour. It makes them feel worse because they can't see how to stop it and adds yet another reason to self injure.
In the end SIs feel that they are not valued by anybody. The acts of self abuse in the end are intended to show people that they understand that they should be punished for their failures. The core feeling is that whatever they do how ever hard they try they will never meet anybodies expectations.
The core notions in ending self injury are as follows:
1. You have the right to feel sad for yourself and you really need to feel that sadness at the core of your being in order to let it go.
2. You are not required to live up to other peoples expectations or even your own for that matter.
3. Helping other people and trying to please them must be your choice and not an obligation.
That is such a good post ...
it really makes a clear picture of
SI as an extension of a mental process
rather than a pysical one,
i have often thought if i could bulid up my self worth or at least a better view of myself all that would have stopped
again i will say it was the decission
to be kind to myself (outside myself thinking as if i was someone i knew)
that helped me stop