I don't believe I even know what "Normal" means, but. . .

In my own case, the laziness, feelings of incompetence, etc., are signs that I've given up, My fear of yet another failure whelms me all too often and virtually paralyzes me.

Gentle support while you figure what it is for you, Norma.

I have a psychologist who tries to encourage to do things such as going for a walk, but I get started and then I stop. Could you share with me which your difficulties are?

I have this too, it's called avolition (lack of will).

I wish I had some advice, but I struggle, too. I send many kudos for maintaining employment through all of the challenges it presents, though.

Hi Sulameapeace, I like the cat on your profile, and I would like to be in touch with you, as we share the same difficulty. It is very hard to live with it. I do not know the meaning of kudos, but as far as I understood you also face difficulties in job. Job is hard to me either. I wanted to succeed, but I can't. I just do ordinary tasks, and a lecture of my NASA internship. Yes, some day before I was an intern at NASA. Now someone with schizofrenia. It is life. It can be hard. But we have to move forward. Otherwise the other areas of our health will get affected. I have other areas of my health affected, I am treating. I got fat because of medicine and because of doing nothing, and this fat harmed my health.

Hi, Norma. Sorry it took me a while. I have a lot of anxiety around social things, even forums. When I signed up for this site, it was mainly to keep a journal. I didn't expect to be posting in a group much, but now am finally coming out of denial about my illness. (I was diagnosed as schizotypal many years ago, and fought it. But now that I'm under stress and falling apart, it's more difficult to maintain the denial.)

All of this is a way of apologizing in case you visited my profile. I was actively pushing everyone away when I wrote it and will edit it now. You can visit it and make a friend request., if you like.

Thank you for the compliment on the cat photo! (I love cats.)

I hope I can be of support. I struggle with the lack of motivation even more than with the delusions and paranoia. I've never been good at accomplishing goals, so I'm impressed at what you've been able to do despite the illness.

I can only imagine what you're going through in terms of maintaining a job with NASA and dealing with the struggle just to maintain routine and regular habits. I know it's overwhelming.

Is there much accommodation at your place of employment for disability/mental health issues? Is it safe to discuss these things with your employer?

Also, do you have a supportive therapist or community?

Hi Sulamaepeace
I Love cats too, and I had one years ago very similar to yours. Actually I have been an intern at NASA in 2008, When I did not have schizophrenia. I am not a NASA enployee. I am an employee at the Brazilian Education Ministry. I have a supportive supervisor although she does not understand my disease. We do have a supportive médical area with social assistant and psychologist. My main struggle is with laziness feeling like doing nothing feeling like staying in bed and stuff. It is hard but I am happy to have found you we can support each other. I do not know how to add you as a friend I still did not learn how this platform works. I also find it difficult to achieve goals at work and in Life. At work I do Just ordinary tasks. My happyness is When I lecture about my NASA internship for students teachers and general públic. I feel important in these moments. To share how a Latin american woman from Education not science or engeneering reached NASA. I dream of visiting NASA again and I have started to think of a plan for that. May be... anyway, I wished I could be happier as other people, but I cant it is frustrating. Anyway I am happy to find a friend who Love cats!

I had a cat, too, who looked like this one! I named him Mila before I discovered he was male. :D He was a feral kitten when I first saw him, and he didn't want to be picked up. When he was finally ready, the name had already stuck. He was a sweetie.

You have a lot of strength, to get to the NASA internship, despite all the obstacles in your way. I can see where sharing that experience with students and giving them hope, too, can be a source of happiness. I hope with all my might the illness doesn't rob you of that.

I'm just now embarking on therapy, considering the possibility of medications. So I don't know how the lack off will that we both experience is usually handled. But i know that as well as being a common symptom for people with schizophrenia and schizotypal disorder, it can also be increased by some medications.

Do you have a doctor who prescribes meds to you? Maybe you can talk to him or her about it, especially if this is something that started recently, or recently got much worse.

I'm trying to start therapy and wanted to pick up the intake forms today from my community mental health center. But, even with Google Maps, I got so lost. I do this all the time, and now learn that difficulty with spatial skills, directions, is common among those with schizophrenia.

I drove for about an hour, got exhausted, and came home. I felt discouraged,

Well... there's tomorrow, I guess. :) I don't want to give up.

And don't you give up, either. I'm sure you inspire the young women, especially women of color, who know through you that they can make it past the obstacles, too.

And remember that you're important, you're still important, and you matter, no matter how this disease affects you. (Sorry, I didn't mean to post that last response yet, I wasn't finished.)

Just a hunch that you might like her, but do you know about Elyn Saks?

Just a clarification I am white, I am a Brazilian woman. Though I have all respect for people of color, who needed to fight more than us for their spaces in society. Yes, it is Inspiring to lecture about my NASA experience to the youth. I am going on vacation SAturday and I will do three lectures on my NASA experience and I have one more lecture scheduled for when I return to Brasília. I have a doctor and he prescribes me meds but we have not find nothing good for that avolition (is that the name?). I am impressed by the fact that you drive. I use a medication which prevents me from driving. I think it would be difficult for me to Learn how to drive anyway... Well, I did not try. I never heard of Elyn Saks. What is cool about her? And thank you for the encouragement, I feel unimportant most of the time because of the damage of the disease in my Life. I am in the fisrt stage of obesity and my abdomen is very large. My father tells me that I can die early of diseases related such as diabetes. Oh my father is not Well now I just got the news he lives in another Town he is having a doctor visit at home. I will tell you later if he gets well. I think he will go to an emergency. I am traveling to his town the day after tomorrow. It is my vacation 15 days. By the way, do you work? Study? Are ou a man or woman?

I'm a woman. I'm not working right now, and when I do, it tends to be at very repetitive jobs with little stress. I think I need to learn to deal with stress much better than I do, because I've been hearing it's a big part of managing this illness. I'm not working now, am hoping in therapy to sort through what I can do and what I can't. I'd like to volunteer, at least, at an animal shelter or nature center.

I have a Bachelor's in psychology, of all things. :D Funny how life is sometimes. I still love reading about it, which is handy, considering I have a mental illness...

I don't know if you would be impressed with the fact that I drive if you saw my driving skills. :D Sometimes i'm fine with it, but I need to be very careful not to get distracted, since I'm always lost.

Elyn Saks is a legal advocate for those of us with mental illness, and she 's interested in civil/human rights for us. She's also schizophrenic. She has the same passion for her work that you do, and she sees it very much as something that helps anchor her. She's done a number of lectures and a TED talk. She's written a book, also, a memoir called "The Center Cannot Hold". A lot of her lectures and talks are on YouTube. She's very inspiring and hopeful.

I'm sorry about the weight gain, I know it can be a side effect of some of the medications, and physical changes are often stressful. It's nothing to be ashamed of, I hope it doesn't lead to self-judgement.

I hope your dad is okay! I hope you have a peaceful vacation, too!

My dad is having much difficulty to walk, and some difficulty to speak... I do not know exactly how he is, I am worried, I need to see him. I travel tomorrow morning. Very interesting to learn about Elyn Saks. How interesting, you are a Psychologist... we are both from humanistic sciences... I am a Pedagogue. My disease made me lose the willingness to read. Sometimes I read the Bible. Sometimes I read my book (I wrote a book, in English - it has to do with my NASA experience). It doesn't matter how well you drive, it is still impressive! I go by bus every day... My work is sometimes challenging with some stress... I mean, it is not only repetitive tasks. There are many times I find difficulty to do things, my supervisor needs to explain calmly to me. I am afraid of when we change supervisors, I am afraid that the next supervisor is not as understanding as my current one. But I hope God will help me. And as I am a civil servant, it is very hard that I lose my job. I am stable in my job. This is a very good thing. I am packing my bags right now... I do not care only about my appearance because of the fat thing. I care mainly because of the health. I am afraid of getting serious diseases. My cholesterol for example is a little high. Things can get worse with time, I also have medicine not to develop diabetes. The sugar in my blood is a little high. I need to reduce sweeties and stuff. It is hard... My dream is to return to NASA someday to take pictures and see my old friends. I hope someday I can do it... at the moment I have other priorities, related to family...

I'm sorry about your dad. Did he have a stroke? I hope he can recover his walking and speech. Hope you're okay through this, sending thoughts your way.

I sent a friend request to you. If you want to accept, visit your profile. At the bar at the top of the page is a space called "friends". It'll tell you you have a friend request. Click on it to accept or deny.

Oh, I wish I were a psychologist. I have a Bachelor's in general psychology, which wouldn't qualify me to practice. Also, I don't think I could handle it at any level. But i'm kind of glad I studied it, because it helps me with looking into information about my illness, resources, so on.

I have some in mind to post here.

Something I found that you might be interested in, too: I came across an article that said Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy can be helpful for the avolition/lack of will. It's referred to as a Negative symptom by psychiatrists. The word isn't used as a value judgement--It just means the absence of something. I'll look for the article again and put it up on a separate post for the group. If you like, I can also put a link in this thread, too.

I'm sorry about the difficulty in concentration, especially for books. I go through that too, off and on. It's frustrating, especially when it's been an important part of life. I'm excited that you wrote a book! It sounds very inspiring.

I also want to post a link to SARDAA. They're an organization of people with schizophrenia and schizophrenia-related disorders. They have local support groups for helping people manage symptoms. They say they focus on recovery, which seems hopeful to me.

I'm still working on the intake forms for therapy. Feeling somewhat discouraged. I want to get help, because I haven't been functioning. But all the proofs of income I need I would only have if i've been functioning.

I don't want to give up, though. Please send thoughts my way.

Have difficulty staying mentally focused enough to complete forms, all those dates and times and all the info.

Wow... :)

My father had almost a stroke. He is having difficulty to walk and talk. Thank you for the thoughts: D. I want the doctor to give me a linense to stay more time here helping my father but I do not know if the doctor will consider it necessáry. My father had his wife. Since the first day you sent that friend request I accepted. Didnt that work? I do not read so much about my illness I did in the beginning but not anymore. I am not sure if that would help... what I know is that I need to do exercises if I do not want to die early... I need to start walking too. Yes please post the link. I do that kind of therapy but my therapist is not friendly. My book is The Space Education Phenomenon at NASA, Brazil and Beyond- google that. Please post a link to SARDAA. That could help a lot. Please do not give up you are brave and capable. I am sending thoughts your way. Keep the faith. We need to carry on. Vacation goes fast I am enjoying my father I am unhappy in Brasilia pray for God for me to ver a job transfer for my Town. Brasília is just horríble I hate that and I am unhappy there. I want to Live with my father in my city.

i forgot to ask what is your name?

you disappeared