I have to say that it caused a panic in me once I knew it was out there with my stuff in the book. Anxiety was huge. I had not really even thought about that. I totally relate.

Hahaha, Megan I like the Brit's bonfire statement too. What's got me concerned is the other Brits sentence "I was about to go out and kick off with the mail man'. I looked on my Brit/Yank translator and it wasn't there. Hep, tell me that meant you were going to 'beat the crap out of your mailman' for wrecking the package. :)

As for you southern folks not getting your books yet. If I've told you once I told you a million times, EVERYTHING moves slower in the south...apparently your mail is not excluded from the that!

Especially when it snows in the South!!

I was talking to my fish the other day about the book and telling her that I am nervous to look through it and that I might just take the whole package and hide it unopened under my bed or something. She asked me why and I almost started to cry (kind of the equivalent of a normal person just crying). She asked me why I was sad and I said because when I see this book it will be there. On paper. Like tangible proof that this happened to me, and that it has happened to all of these women who I love so much. So I get the nerves thing, too. I have a feeling mine will come in the mail today. I have butterflies in my stomach. Or are they collywobbles?

I cannot tell you how much I am relieved that other people have felt the same - Jezzia, not sure if it was collywobbles or being scared shitless!!! I just so didn't want to detract from people's pride in what they had written, for the fact that they had been published, that they had the courage to send a letter, that they held up their heads and agreed publicly to join the tribe. The posts here had been so positive and so they should be - it is a great book and something we all see as being positive and influential. It is just it hit me hard and I guess I did not stop to think about how I might feel about seeing my words written down (and yes Matt, the graphics are fab). I still feel really really wobbly and have hardly dare open the book yet.
So, thank you for your replies, I am so relieved I am not the only one who got wobbly about it.
As for british translation - we don't have mail men - we only have postmen, who deliver the post! So Hep was doing you a favour in translating for you!!!! But Judes, you got the kick off translation right!

Brit.. thanks for being honest. I had massive anxiety when I realized that my letter was in the public. I was afraid to say that. Additionally, I struggle with if I belong or not due to no real memory just other things like nightmares, etc. So, when I read the book and I thought, OMG my letter fits with all of the others. It was massive anxiety producing.

In the long run, I know that this whole process will be helpful to me.

Well, now you can imagine what it was like for the people in the RAR book, whose actual therapy journals--in their own handwriting--are included! And yet they were so eager to be part of it, too, because they wanted to help others. Just remember, in whatever anxiety you feel, that this was done because you want to help others. Nobody can ever judge or fault that.

I just finishing reading..I have mixed feelings about my own letter and the sharing aspect but I loved every single letter in there. I cried, laughed and nodded along as I read. It's so beautiful in every aspect.

If I may whisper it ever so slightly...when I read my own letter I didn't feel the pride or emotions I felt everywhere else. I was more flooded with embarrassment/shame of what I had revealed about myself. That wasn't all I felt. My intro section is different to how I am now. I can see growth in myself so there was a little, yay me, going on.

It's not shame for revealing myself to other survivors or anything. I'm just a little angry with myself for putting in things that mean I cannot share this achievement with my family and friends. I didn't realise how much I would want to once the product was finally in my hands. But on a more positive stance...the letter I wrote was unguarded and honest so when I stop being embarrassed, I'll be proud of it.

Megan, seeing that you wrote your full name made my day :) You are so brave for doing that. I couldn't manage it. I was hoping to be able to hide amongst the letters if I did decide to share but all of you were so brave with your names and parts of yourself that I cannot do that :)

Yes, i so so so admire anyone who contributed to the RAR book, that took some amazing courage, honesty and integrity. I often think to myself 'when I grow up I want to be like that' (you know what I mean). Those women in RAR are people who I aspire to be like, and yet I know they have faults and failings and bad days and worse days, it is in their total humanity that I think they are role models.
I know no one here will judge or fault me for contributing (in fact the opposite is true, as has been demonstrated by the posts already) - but sometimes we are our own worst and harshest critics and judges. That is the hardest part to get past sometimes.

Exactly! do you know that a part of me is still too shy to contact local bookstores, or media, to publicize LTS because I'm afraid that even though it's good, someone might think or say something bad about me anyways? My own inner critic keeps me from just accepting the goodness of this, out of fear that something bad will happen.

Matt,

There are critics of EVERYTHING. And YES, there will be critics of this book. People that are insecure, that are comfortable with the taboo of rape, that are comfortable with believing rape myths because it makes their little world safe. There WILL be critics.

But those people do NOT matter. The amount of lives this book will save, the amount of amazing tears that will be shed for this book. The amount of laughter it will bring. The amount of hope, peace, love, and "I'm not alone" feelings this book will bring. THAT is what matters.

Brit, I think people around here stopped calling mailmen postman when the dirty movie 'The Postman Always Rings Twice' came out. Or it could have gone the way of the wind when the term 'going postal' came out . It could be either or. (Going/Went "Postal" means going on a shooting spree). Oh and check out the Brit/Yank translator "post' in America means mail! Go figure ;)

I wasn't worried that people would criticize the book and make me feel bad--I'm confident in it's quality. I'm worried people will criticize it because of ME, because I'M bad, and therefore this cannot be of worth.

wow! I never knew going postal meant that, that is terrible. i will promise to try and remember my p's and m's when i am over!! Maybe I should get an iPhone - just so I can get the app!!

You are NOT bad! Not one bit.

Hugs

You are of worth and don't let any nay-sayers, ignorant busy bodies or down right mean people ever make you believe otherwise. You are special and cherished by so many people not only for the things you do but for the person you are.