Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I'm just going to be straight out with it. So I've been with my girlfriend for 10 years.. I know this is for married people but I figured this was a good group to join. We met in high school and we broke up for about a year sometime during our 11th grade year. We got back together probably a little over a year later. And in between that time and now we've started a family and had been a pretty normal couple. We've almost broken up several times for me being too angry but I've gotten so much better with that. But last year she started bringing up something that she had done that I would be mad at. So during the time that we were broken up in high school she had sex with my older brother and (havent confirmed this one) my younger brother. Yes you read that right. Not at the same time thankfully. But they both say they wish it hadn't happened and it meant nothing. But it just makes me feel weird you know? I'm close with all my brothers (I have 4. 1 younger 3 older) and it sucks so bad knowing this and I don't know what to do. We have 2 beautiful children and I am just defeated by this.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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I have questions. How close can you be to your brothers if the three of them (2 brothers and your girlfriend) have been keeping this huge secret from you for 9 years (9 years since you were in the 11th grade)? And why would she bring it up now? How do you know what really happened.... if they've been lying for this long, who knows how many times they did this and if they all did it together, you know what I mean? Liars lie.
I have another bad feeling, and you're not going to like hearing this, but you need to get paternity tests on both of your kids to make sure they are yours. You don't need her consent to do this. They sell kits.
Also, maybe because you two have been together 10 years, have two children, and are not married.... she might not feel as committed to you as she would if you two were married. Why aren't you two married, I am curious?
Your feelings are justified. I would be pretty angry too if I found this out now, 9 years later.
Maybe you should talk to both of those brothers, too. You have a right to be mad and feel deceived. Need to talk it out with each of them separately, find out the truth. How could they not tell you, when you got back together with her?
That said, y'all were young. Horny teenagers have absolutely no common sense. You're not the same people you were ten years ago. That doesn't make it right or OK, but I would caution you not to rewrite your entire history needlessly. Rewrite the parts that need to be rewritten, but leave the rest.
My advice? Air out the secrets. Start fresh. Move forward with full transparency and respect. What you have built with her should be judged most heavily on who you both are NOW not exclusively on what happened on the past. Is she lying now? Is she secretive now? Does she disappear, hide, sneak, etc. now? If not, there's a good chance you two should be able to recover from this.