Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
EmpoweredOKC
As my friends and journal readers know, I am developing a book on rape recovery that differs from ANY other book ever written. The content has been largely determined by you, the women of dailystrength, as to what YOU think women in recovery from rape should find in print. I'm a clinical therapist who specializes in rape trauma, and I became the first male to win the national award for excellence in my work with rape survivors. (I'm only stating that to establish that this book has clinical credibility, rather than just being a collection of opinions and personal monologues by me).
The purpose of the book is to address the common fears and setbacks that slow progress toward recovery, and there is a previous thread ("help me write my book") that describes the topics it will cover.
The book is written with a sense of respect for the reader, rather than condescending platitudes or sugary "inspiration." It is excruciatingly researched for accuracy, and it will approach women at a level of empowerment, rather than "poor you" patriarchal pity. Some of my clients, past and present, have been reading preliminary manuscripts and, to be honest, regard it as the most helpful resource they've found in their recovery. I expect the book to be highly regarded by laypeople and academics alike.
I am nearly half done with the manuscript, and I'm producing about 10 new pages a day, the fastest I've ever written for print!
I'm openly inviting anyone here to contribute personal writings to my book. You should know, it's an entirely selfish request--I can't pay, and the only reward you get is that your words might help other women in rape recovery. But if you're at the point of wanting to do something to actively promote positive messages for women in crisis, I'd love to add some of your words. You can write under a pseudonym, of course, and you can send writings to me personally rather than posting them here.
I ALWAYS make myself available, including by phone, if anyone needs to establish that I am legitimate, given the unfortunate number of so-called "helpers" who pop up here only to prey on vulnerability. I have a well-established daily presence here, and my interactions have been 100% positive with every single dailystrength forum member. So I'm only asking as one who has become gradually accepted here.
Here's what I am looking for:
Positive, strong, insightful essays by women who are determined to succeed at recovery. I can provide some of the topics that need some "filling in" by women's narratives in another post, if the response here is good. I'm trying to present models of women who are positive without sugar-coating or avoiding the issue; women who have been to hell and back and see themselves as victors and valuable people.
Here's what I am NOT looking for:
Statements of despair or self-rejection. I'm trying to show an alternative to the "I'm broken/empty/damaged/ugly/worthless" kinds of thinking that pervade this trauma. To be perfectly blunt, this project is not for anyone complacent about remaining stuck where they are; I'm trying to mobilize an invisible army of women who "fight back" against the trauma of violence. The premise of the book is that women in recovery from rape are far stronger than they have been led to believe, and recovery is rediscovery of that inherent strength.
I'm not looking for poetry, to be honest, or lyrics. This isn't creative writing, this is self-exploratory writing. I need statements, either in essay or journal entry form. These are the words of women who have searched themselves and found something remarkable, who don't mind talking about the pain they have lived through but the hope they insist on grasping anyway. I want words of women who are able to fearlessly explain, "this is why I struggled, and how I felt...Here's how I struggle now, and what I have discovered!" so that other women, new to recovery, can recognize themselves and feel led toward more positive outcomes.
You have to be your own judge of your readiness to contribute, because I don't know any of you personally and I do not want to be exploitive of anyone. I'll assume that if you are enthusiastic, it's because you judge yourself to be proudly willing to help.
If people are skeptical, I will withdraw my request immediately. But if--as I suspect--my peers here will be eager to collectively contribute to a positive portrayal of rape recovery for other women who are hurting, please indicate so! At that point, I'll list some of the topics I'm hopeful to get writings on.
The purpose of the book is to address the common fears and setbacks that slow progress toward recovery, and there is a previous thread ("help me write my book") that describes the topics it will cover.
The book is written with a sense of respect for the reader, rather than condescending platitudes or sugary "inspiration." It is excruciatingly researched for accuracy, and it will approach women at a level of empowerment, rather than "poor you" patriarchal pity. Some of my clients, past and present, have been reading preliminary manuscripts and, to be honest, regard it as the most helpful resource they've found in their recovery. I expect the book to be highly regarded by laypeople and academics alike.
I am nearly half done with the manuscript, and I'm producing about 10 new pages a day, the fastest I've ever written for print!
I'm openly inviting anyone here to contribute personal writings to my book. You should know, it's an entirely selfish request--I can't pay, and the only reward you get is that your words might help other women in rape recovery. But if you're at the point of wanting to do something to actively promote positive messages for women in crisis, I'd love to add some of your words. You can write under a pseudonym, of course, and you can send writings to me personally rather than posting them here.
I ALWAYS make myself available, including by phone, if anyone needs to establish that I am legitimate, given the unfortunate number of so-called "helpers" who pop up here only to prey on vulnerability. I have a well-established daily presence here, and my interactions have been 100% positive with every single dailystrength forum member. So I'm only asking as one who has become gradually accepted here.
Here's what I am looking for:
Positive, strong, insightful essays by women who are determined to succeed at recovery. I can provide some of the topics that need some "filling in" by women's narratives in another post, if the response here is good. I'm trying to present models of women who are positive without sugar-coating or avoiding the issue; women who have been to hell and back and see themselves as victors and valuable people.
Here's what I am NOT looking for:
Statements of despair or self-rejection. I'm trying to show an alternative to the "I'm broken/empty/damaged/ugly/worthless" kinds of thinking that pervade this trauma. To be perfectly blunt, this project is not for anyone complacent about remaining stuck where they are; I'm trying to mobilize an invisible army of women who "fight back" against the trauma of violence. The premise of the book is that women in recovery from rape are far stronger than they have been led to believe, and recovery is rediscovery of that inherent strength.
I'm not looking for poetry, to be honest, or lyrics. This isn't creative writing, this is self-exploratory writing. I need statements, either in essay or journal entry form. These are the words of women who have searched themselves and found something remarkable, who don't mind talking about the pain they have lived through but the hope they insist on grasping anyway. I want words of women who are able to fearlessly explain, "this is why I struggled, and how I felt...Here's how I struggle now, and what I have discovered!" so that other women, new to recovery, can recognize themselves and feel led toward more positive outcomes.
You have to be your own judge of your readiness to contribute, because I don't know any of you personally and I do not want to be exploitive of anyone. I'll assume that if you are enthusiastic, it's because you judge yourself to be proudly willing to help.
If people are skeptical, I will withdraw my request immediately. But if--as I suspect--my peers here will be eager to collectively contribute to a positive portrayal of rape recovery for other women who are hurting, please indicate so! At that point, I'll list some of the topics I'm hopeful to get writings on.
diana
Here are some of the topics I need survivor's input on:
*Coping with pregnancy and/or childbirth after rape
*Disclosing and explaining rape to loved ones--what fears did you have? How did they react? Were some people hurtful, and if so, how did you cope? How has rape changed your closest relationships? Marriages?
*Sexuality after rape: How did rape disrupt your sexual life? What things have you found helpful, if any, in overcoming it? How did your partner(s) help or frustrate your sexual recovery?
*Hypersexuality after rape: This one is a touchy subject, so I'm really trusting people here to approach it sensitively. Some rape survivors become very sexual after rape. If this applies, can you recall why it happened? What were your feelings about yourself and sex? What were you searching for through sexuality? Did you have to intoxicate or dissociate to make it through sex?
*Spirituality, anger at God, coping with religious hypocrisy. Has recovery made you more spiritual, or less? How did you work through feelings toward God? What do modern religions lack, or fail to offer, when it comes to recovery from sexual trauma?
*Experiences with incompetent therapists. When did you first realize a particular therapist was incompetent? Or when did you realize a particular therapist WAS competent?
*Telling your story: once you were able to talk to others about your trauma, how did it help? What fears had kept you silent, and what finally propelled you to begin talking and sharing? Would you mind sharing your story for publication, even under a pseudonym? (many women find it helpful, not depressing, to hear what others have gone through and recovered from.)
*What things did people say to you that they didn't realize were insensitive, and what do you WISH people understood and could say instead? What myths about rape must you battle every day?
*Eating disorders and self-injury: why are these so often associated with rape and sexual abuse? What makes a survivor turn against her own body as an expression of grief? If your injuries could speak, what would THEY say that you can't say for yourself?
*What strengths and values have you rediscovered in yourself, even if you had previously felt hopeless after rape? How did you rebuild your inner strength, and what helped you recognize your goodness again?
*Encountering your offender: Have you bumped into him, or deliberately confronted him, again? What is it like to see him in social settings, and how do you cope with it?
*If you are making progress in your recovery, what kinds of things still make recovery difficult? Nobody's recovery is a smooth process, and there are setbacks; what should women (and their allies) know about the path of recovery?
*If your body responded sexually during the assault, how has that made you think and feel afterward about the trauma?
*Letters to a future survivor: What would you like other women to understand as they are affected by this? Despite the pain and heartbreak, what positive inner developments can they look forward to, and what will it take for them to get there?
*Last, but very importantly, in hindsight what MISTAKES had you found yourself making in your efforts to cope? What cycles and habits prolonged your depression that you wish had never become part of your routine, and that you would like to urge other women not to repeat as well?
As you can see, these are not fluffy topics. I am trying to get REALLY good, honest information right where it counts, as opposed to a bunch of sugary inspiration disguised as "help" that doesn't really get to the deeper angst that many survivors must process.
If you send writings to me, please add "I give EmpoweredOKC permission to redistribute this writing."
can I write about more then one sunbject in like an accumpalitive essay?!
But out of everything that can happen in a girl's life, what is it about sexual trauma specifically that triggers ED more than any other influence?
Life is most defiantly a learning process and my biggest lesson is not to keep potentially destroying secrets. In contrast, in my current relationship, which happens to be poly, I have found myself being more open about my past and as such feel much safer and at peace.