Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
As my friends and journal readers know, I am developing a book on rape recovery that differs from ANY other book ever written. The content has been largely determined by you, the women of dailystrength, as to what YOU think women in recovery from rape should find in print. I'm a clinical therapist who specializes in rape trauma, and I became the first male to win the national award for excellence in my work with rape survivors. (I'm only stating that to establish that this book has clinical credibility, rather than just being a collection of opinions and personal monologues by me).
The purpose of the book is to address the common fears and setbacks that slow progress toward recovery, and there is a previous thread ("help me write my book") that describes the topics it will cover.
The book is written with a sense of respect for the reader, rather than condescending platitudes or sugary "inspiration." It is excruciatingly researched for accuracy, and it will approach women at a level of empowerment, rather than "poor you" patriarchal pity. Some of my clients, past and present, have been reading preliminary manuscripts and, to be honest, regard it as the most helpful resource they've found in their recovery. I expect the book to be highly regarded by laypeople and academics alike.
I am nearly half done with the manuscript, and I'm producing about 10 new pages a day, the fastest I've ever written for print!
I'm openly inviting anyone here to contribute personal writings to my book. You should know, it's an entirely selfish request--I can't pay, and the only reward you get is that your words might help other women in rape recovery. But if you're at the point of wanting to do something to actively promote positive messages for women in crisis, I'd love to add some of your words. You can write under a pseudonym, of course, and you can send writings to me personally rather than posting them here.
I ALWAYS make myself available, including by phone, if anyone needs to establish that I am legitimate, given the unfortunate number of so-called "helpers" who pop up here only to prey on vulnerability. I have a well-established daily presence here, and my interactions have been 100% positive with every single dailystrength forum member. So I'm only asking as one who has become gradually accepted here.
Here's what I am looking for:
Positive, strong, insightful essays by women who are determined to succeed at recovery. I can provide some of the topics that need some "filling in" by women's narratives in another post, if the response here is good. I'm trying to present models of women who are positive without sugar-coating or avoiding the issue; women who have been to hell and back and see themselves as victors and valuable people.
Here's what I am NOT looking for:
Statements of despair or self-rejection. I'm trying to show an alternative to the "I'm broken/empty/damaged/ugly/worthless" kinds of thinking that pervade this trauma. To be perfectly blunt, this project is not for anyone complacent about remaining stuck where they are; I'm trying to mobilize an invisible army of women who "fight back" against the trauma of violence. The premise of the book is that women in recovery from rape are far stronger than they have been led to believe, and recovery is rediscovery of that inherent strength.
I'm not looking for poetry, to be honest, or lyrics. This isn't creative writing, this is self-exploratory writing. I need statements, either in essay or journal entry form. These are the words of women who have searched themselves and found something remarkable, who don't mind talking about the pain they have lived through but the hope they insist on grasping anyway. I want words of women who are able to fearlessly explain, "this is why I struggled, and how I felt...Here's how I struggle now, and what I have discovered!" so that other women, new to recovery, can recognize themselves and feel led toward more positive outcomes.
You have to be your own judge of your readiness to contribute, because I don't know any of you personally and I do not want to be exploitive of anyone. I'll assume that if you are enthusiastic, it's because you judge yourself to be proudly willing to help.
If people are skeptical, I will withdraw my request immediately. But if--as I suspect--my peers here will be eager to collectively contribute to a positive portrayal of rape recovery for other women who are hurting, please indicate so! At that point, I'll list some of the topics I'm hopeful to get writings on.
The purpose of the book is to address the common fears and setbacks that slow progress toward recovery, and there is a previous thread ("help me write my book") that describes the topics it will cover.
The book is written with a sense of respect for the reader, rather than condescending platitudes or sugary "inspiration." It is excruciatingly researched for accuracy, and it will approach women at a level of empowerment, rather than "poor you" patriarchal pity. Some of my clients, past and present, have been reading preliminary manuscripts and, to be honest, regard it as the most helpful resource they've found in their recovery. I expect the book to be highly regarded by laypeople and academics alike.
I am nearly half done with the manuscript, and I'm producing about 10 new pages a day, the fastest I've ever written for print!
I'm openly inviting anyone here to contribute personal writings to my book. You should know, it's an entirely selfish request--I can't pay, and the only reward you get is that your words might help other women in rape recovery. But if you're at the point of wanting to do something to actively promote positive messages for women in crisis, I'd love to add some of your words. You can write under a pseudonym, of course, and you can send writings to me personally rather than posting them here.
I ALWAYS make myself available, including by phone, if anyone needs to establish that I am legitimate, given the unfortunate number of so-called "helpers" who pop up here only to prey on vulnerability. I have a well-established daily presence here, and my interactions have been 100% positive with every single dailystrength forum member. So I'm only asking as one who has become gradually accepted here.
Here's what I am looking for:
Positive, strong, insightful essays by women who are determined to succeed at recovery. I can provide some of the topics that need some "filling in" by women's narratives in another post, if the response here is good. I'm trying to present models of women who are positive without sugar-coating or avoiding the issue; women who have been to hell and back and see themselves as victors and valuable people.
Here's what I am NOT looking for:
Statements of despair or self-rejection. I'm trying to show an alternative to the "I'm broken/empty/damaged/ugly/worthless" kinds of thinking that pervade this trauma. To be perfectly blunt, this project is not for anyone complacent about remaining stuck where they are; I'm trying to mobilize an invisible army of women who "fight back" against the trauma of violence. The premise of the book is that women in recovery from rape are far stronger than they have been led to believe, and recovery is rediscovery of that inherent strength.
I'm not looking for poetry, to be honest, or lyrics. This isn't creative writing, this is self-exploratory writing. I need statements, either in essay or journal entry form. These are the words of women who have searched themselves and found something remarkable, who don't mind talking about the pain they have lived through but the hope they insist on grasping anyway. I want words of women who are able to fearlessly explain, "this is why I struggled, and how I felt...Here's how I struggle now, and what I have discovered!" so that other women, new to recovery, can recognize themselves and feel led toward more positive outcomes.
You have to be your own judge of your readiness to contribute, because I don't know any of you personally and I do not want to be exploitive of anyone. I'll assume that if you are enthusiastic, it's because you judge yourself to be proudly willing to help.
If people are skeptical, I will withdraw my request immediately. But if--as I suspect--my peers here will be eager to collectively contribute to a positive portrayal of rape recovery for other women who are hurting, please indicate so! At that point, I'll list some of the topics I'm hopeful to get writings on.
Keep in mind, this book is a finished project, and anything new would be material for future editions. :)
im interested in helping. When and how do I start?
Would that hinder you from making the best sellers list? I know it probably would not get you invited on the Oprah show.
Tom S. in Tn.
Frankly, anyone trying to make the "best sellers" list doesn't sit down and write a book about the topic of rape. Surely you understand that there are other more genuinely personal reasons than money and fame for working on a project like this. Also, as a male myself, I don't think I'm neglecting men's issues in rape treatment at all. That's just not the focus of THIS particular book.
About what I thought................another male fantasy.
Tom S. in Tn.
I can't imagine why you would want to attack another male in a forum like this simply because the book he wrote doesn't suit YOUR need. It doesn't mean that it isn't a worthy project, or that Empowered was intentionally overlooking any group of victims to make the "bestsellers" list.
That there was no segment in the book particularly dedicated to male teens raped doesn't mean that that segment of society is less important to Empowered, or to the book's worthiness.
There were no males posting here when he originally asked for input and journaling from this site. Had you been here, and jlandrith, I am sure any input would have been valued. To throw stones because your timing was off isn't anyone's fault, and casts a disparaging glow on you for being so rude.
Questioning Empowered's qualifications to have written the book is unseemly and crass on your part, and I, for one, resent your implications. I won't speak to his education, I'll let him do that for himself, if he even thinks your taunts worthy of a response.
But, I will tell you this. In February of this year, I was sitting in the middle of my bed with a full bottle of Effexor XR and a glass of tea. I had opened the bottle out of despair, and I planned on ending my life. I had been on DS and had literally very few interactions and few "friends". I was looking for strength; a reason not to die. What I found was a picture of a hawk, and the word Empowered(OKC) under the picture. I clicked on the name and followed the thread to his page of posts. I knew nothing of him, or his work, but I liked the sense of power I drew from the name and the image of a hawk. I clicked on the post entitled "Help me write my book"....and I did. The contributions were small, but, literally SAVED MY LIFE!
So, you may not be impressed with what has been published...have you read it? Do you even realize that rape isn't a sexist crime, just a criminal act where sex is used as a weapon - so gender isn't of primary importance in the reading and receiving of information from the words.
My rape was two men AND a woman, so, I don't fit the typical rape scenario either, but, I have received so much from the book. It covers so much of what a victim deals with, man or woman. So, perhaps before you make inappropriate remarks toward a man who has done nothing but support victims of rape, of trauma...maybe you should consider why it is YOU are so upset at the work he has done. How exactly has his work been a point of contention for you? I don't understand your meanness. Can you explain?
I'm with Mockingbird here, what does it say about you that you would be so rude or crass to someone trying to make a positive change in the world we live in. EmpoweredOKC is an incredible person who works each day to end this horrid thing called rape and sexual abuse for women AND MEN.
How bitter are you that you would attack a person like that??
For 26 years I've been trapped in my own life and head, I've tried every drug on the market and had seen countless therapist. But when I came to DS and I saw this picture of a strong proud eagle, I started to read things that Empowered had written and really listen because they are words of value and wisdom.
I am one of the VERY PROUD owners of the book Empowered wrote and it has helped me to find power in my life, I am using that power to assist me in a promise I made myself to change my life for the better.
If you are not ready to make positive changes in your life and better yourself and heal yourself instead of being mean, rude, crass, hurtful, spiteful and stumbling to others, then keep your comments to yourself!!
If only you had asked Empowered or anyone who has ever had conversations with Empowered, you would have learned that His work and his book are not just for women.
Unlike some people on this site, he does not lash out at people; he is more than willing to help ANY rape victim and ANY victim of abuse. MALE OR FEMALE You'd know this if you stopped jumping to conclusions and judging those you do not know.
We are all suffering in one way or another with these problems and do not need you spewing your hateful and hurtful words just because it makes you feel better. What you will find is that you will look around and you will have isolated yourself because no one wants to be close to such a negative hurtful person.
Seek help and try each day to live a HAPPIER more PEACE FILLED day.
Empowered,
I think what you are doing is great. Absolutely a wonderful wonderful thing. Thank you so much. It's people like you that help people realize they can make it and this isn't the end. Thank you. :-D
The book is successful, and is found at www.resurrectionafterrape.org (for signed copies) or amazon.com. The reviews are outstanding, which thrills me. It's been featured on the news, along with a five-minute interview with one of my former patients (the link to the video is on my site). We also have the "Resurrection After Rape" support group here on DS for people who are using the book for their own work, and want to discuss their findings with others.
I suppose Tom is engaging in what psychologists call "Projection", since I've never even encountered him before. But for what it's worth, there are some fantastic books for male survivors. I personally like:
"Wounded Boys, Heroic Men; A man's guide to recovering from child abuse" by Daniel Sorkin,
"Leaping upon Mountains: men proclaiming victory over sexual child abuse, by Mike Lew (this is a classic book, and Lew is a friend of mine. We have presented together at a conference.)
Also by Mike Lew: "Victims No Longer: The classic guide for men recovering from sexual child abuse.
and finally, this book for partners: "If the man you love was abused: A couple's guide to healing."
My last comment re: Tom's posts is to simply state my educational background for the record.
I have two bachelor's degrees, a Master's degree, and a post-graduate clinical license. In addition to being a clinical therapist, I also teach college courses on crisis intervention and domestic violence.
Thanks, everyone, for the feedback!
Yeah, the ultimate male fantasy, I suppose... :)
(I'm not a professorial fussbudget; I do have a wicked sense of humor...)
"What part of degrading a female perpetrated male victim by excluding him from the lipstick pit bull circle do you not understand?"
I chose to answer him publicly, as I do not have a private issue with this man. My issue was stated publicly, and so shall my response to his question be. Here goes:
Sir, as kindly, and as directly as I know how, I am asking that you consider that you, nor your kind of abuse were neglected out of any subversive, misguided attempts at attacking males perpetrated against by females. Please note your timing. The book, and this post are historical in nature. The post was brought back from the archives and responded to. The book was published and was released in June '08. You, from what I can tell by the history on this thread, had never responded to the requests for materials. So, that you somehow feel uniquely outraged by your "exclusion" is simply little boy bullying tactics. Everyone posting here seems to be aware of a history of your rude and bullying tactics.
You, in a very unveiled way, have attacked me using sexist remarks attached to Sarah Palin...appears you have a problem with women in general, as you do not know me, at all.
I believe you have issues that are best served by treatment in a private setting. Your needs cannot be met in a public forum when you insist on being rude, abusive, and crass. We are here because we have been abused ourselves. Your rape is no more, or less important, or devastating than mine. No matter how hard you stamp your feet, or how loudly, or abusively you YELL, you deserve no more attention than does anyone else in this forum.
The rape forum is not intended to serve the needs of one, but to serve the needs of the many. You are included in that number because you were a victim. But, your anger is not with me. You were NOT harmed by me. Likewise, your anger is not with Empowered, who simply wrote a book that has helped many victims of rape.
I believe you need to evaluate for yourself just where your anger should be directed, and focus it there.
Beneath this little box I am placing this text there is a sentence....it states that I promise to be "nice" in responding, in adding this comment. That is the instruction for each of us responding here.
Perhaps I can help you with that.
Nice - adj. Pleasing, to be courteous or considerate; delicate or subtle.
May I say, as courteously as I know how, you have been none of those things. Please see the "Rules of the road" as suggested by DS administration before posting comments. Your comments are welcome, and encouraged, but, you have to learn to follow the same rules as everyone else to have that right afforded you.