I'm responding to let you know that at least I have read it, and I can't leave it blank.
I have no problem with anything that you wrote, and understand your worry about your kids.
It's valid, at least with me.
Please protect them, you never get a second chance...

:)

Talia,

I can completly understand how you're feeling and why you suffer from this paranoia.

You're a mother and some mothers feel the same way as you do, because in the real world....most children have been attacked by their parents partners. It is usually always someone close to you.

It shows how much for a good, caring mother you really are and it shows how much you value your children over a relationship and your partner must understand that. They're your priority.

In my humble opinion....I would suggest that you and your partner go to couple councelling. I'd say that would work great for you both and your therapist could help each of you work through your difficulties. For example, he can help make your partner understand your fears and worries and give you both homework to work on bit by bit and help you both to overcome your issues together.

I can understand why your partner is upset and if he is not responding to your calls still, then I would advice you to write him a letter on how you're feeling, your worries, your fears and so forth. That way, you can put everything down without any interuptions, you can think carefully on what you're going to write and he too, can read your letter in peace and have some time to think about it afterwards.

You're not the "bad guy". You have grown wise from your past, that is all.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. The thing is, it is completely understandable and because of your experiences the people that love you need to cut you a little slack and eventually you may be able to come to compromises that you're both happy with. You need to be comfortable and if you're not don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.

I think you did the right thing by being honest, how can people support and understand you and your difficulties if you keep the hard parts from them? You need them to be understanding and patient, and you need to feel like you can be honest. All I can say is make sure you're as gentle as possible when you inform people of stuff like this, because as much as they need to respect your boundaries and how you're feeling you clearly already understand that such thoughts can unfortunately be a little upsetting.

So long as you're kind and gentle, they should return the same grace if they are the sort of person worth confiding in.

I know we don't know each other, but please let me know if you ever need to talk, feel concerned like this or just want to vent. Don't suffer alone and don't let yourself feel like you've done a bad thing here, I'm sure your feelings are completely justified and hopefully he will understand.

all the best xxx

It's totally normal to feel that way after all rape is the most violating trauma that can happen. I have trust issues too. I don't trust most men. I even don't want to have a girl because I can't help but think my husband will molest her. Even though it's totally off board the unrealistic thought is there. My husband never would do something like that but the thought remains. It really messes with your head.

You are not the bad guy here! You did the right thing! Never trust any man with your children. Tons of people trust the wrong adults with their children, and their children are the ones who have to pay for it.

You did the right thing. If he is going to take it personally, that is his problem.

I completely agree with the other comments here. You did the right thing, in protecting your niece. Unfortunately the world we live in where 1 in 5 or higher children are sexually abused, makes it totally appropriate not to trust men alone with them. I wouldn't have allowed my daughter to go, I know that for sure. I am single and have been for years because of this fear. It is hard to regain trust in people once it is lost. I think its right to put your children first, in all cases. Perhaps you could've asked to come along too, but nothing makes this easy. Its hard to know how much of this is our own issues with abuse, and how much is purely just instinctual safety. Sorry to ramble. I offended all the "father" figures in my life by not allowing my daughter,, there grandaughter to have sleepovers. They all think I'm a bitch, and honestly I don't care. It wasn't worth the risk and I can only protect her for so long. SUCKS! I hope your boyfriend understands.