I was raped about 3 and a half years ago. I never knew it was rape until a few months later, which sounds weird, but in my situation I knew the guy and he pressured me a lot to hang with him. I told him up front I didn't wanna have sex. We could kiss, but that's it. My request meant nothing and he didn't even get my clothes all the way off. When I told my ex about it he didn't really believe me. After I was raped I got really promiscous so I guess he thought I was making an excuse to make myself not look so bad. He said I was too strong physcially to let a guy control me like that. I am strong and I definitely could've fought harder, but in that moment I think a sense of shock came over me. I couldn't speak besides saying "we can't" over and over and I couldn't move. I don't even remember where my hands were. All I knew was that it hurt. And I couldn't do anything. I feel like I can't talk to anyone except my therapist about it because nobody gets it. Nobody understand the trauma that happens after something like that is taken away from you. I was a virgin. I expected my first time having sex was going to be a lot better than that. I wanted to wait until I was married, honestly. Sometimes I feel extremely lonely and like I'm overstepping my bounds when I try and talk to my friends about it. I want to have someone there that gets it.