I have borderline personality disorder and I'm very confused ATM and I really in a pickle! I have been raped before when I was 17 but I've moved on from that although it took me years to come out about it to ppl and never got him done! However I use to sleep with someone over a year ago and that ended I have been In a happy relationship for 10 months now! However I got bk in contact with the person I use to sleep with to just be mates witch I did state and that I was happily in a relationship and I was dead forward about that I did just want to be mates! Anyway a few months went on by and me and this guy finally met up and went no to his to watch a film! I kept saying I'm in a relationship and that I'm in love with the guy I'm with and that I don't want nothing to happen! We were okay just chatting away about the film and just being mates and he was staring to get close with me and I started to move away and he kept saying sorry then we moved on from the situation and promised me nothing was going to happen! I had a little swig off a alcoholic drink (at this point I think I found out I have a drinking problem) and for ages I just wanted to drink so I asked for one and I kept drinking and drinking however I wasn't off my face I new what I was doing! I was having a fag out off the window and he started to feel me up and I was telling him to stop number off times but he wouldn't stop he then he's a bit full on like I couldn't fight his hands away! I gave up the fight and and just let him have sex with me even tho I didn't want to and I was feeling so shit about it and very uncomfortable i played along and told him I had finished just so that he would finish! Afterwards I couldn't look at him and went very quite I was so ashamed and I felt so guilty for my bf and regret even getting in contact with this guy! Was this rape or am I just a seriously fucked up person who needs to sort out my life? I haven't told anyone and this happened on Friday I took the emergency pill! I really don't know what to do? Someone please help!