Why is it hard to be platonic with men who treat you right ie. good men, take out the trash when they come over, wash your car ect. unless they truly only want to be platonic with you, then its not your choice?

inara i dont think thats fair not every men out there are the same as the monsters that hurted us my partner is my rock and has stood by me through this hole ordeal and i couldnt have asked for a kinda gentle man he could have walk away from me with the stress of my case but he hasnt he understands me and i wouldnt change him for the world. my partner and son make me push myself a bit harder to fight my case and i love them both for it to show that i am a strong woman and can fight anything

I can't speak as someone who's been through therapy, but I think this may be a fairly common question. Actually, it's kind of a two-part thing; firstly, how to tell family and close friends about what's happened, especially after some time has passed. Secondly, closely related, but how to deal with friends who are oblivious to your 'situation' - tell them, don't tell them, and if you feel they should know, how to do it gently.
I don't know, I might be the only one who ponders these questions, but I thought I'd add them anyway.

I would like to see something on the anger with God. I have struggled so much with that since the rape. Seems no matter what I do, I just get more and more angry. So maybe something also on just anger in general. Another part to my experience is that I have contracted HPV, and from what I have learned, the 3 strains I was given are very closely linked to cervical cancer. I keep asking why, but not dwelling on it, rather just getting more and more angry. Please help!

I think there was a bit of misunderstanding -sweetcheeksuk's- I meant on my end. Maybe its just me do to codep. issues but its hard for me to not get lusty over friends because they are just genuinely good people. If I hang around my male friends too long I will eventually try to have something happen UNLESS they put a stop to it, I'm full speed ahead.

Why was there not more information about survivor's rights at the hospital when I went through the rape kit? Why was I not able to tell my family for 6 mths and we were so close? Why did I talk about the incident in third person for four years as if it happened to 'a girl I knew'? maybe the answer to that one is because the girl I was died that night. What will happen when I see his face again? I already know the dreams will never stop, and I know the answer to the Why? Because he is a weak coward. period.

i often ask my self why. idk it sounds stupid i guess but i always wanted o know why me? and why do they follow you nad keep atacking you. Why when u think your ok and start sleeping and being normal it all comes back up again for no reason, and how to deal with everyone constently telling me im crazy or turning it on me or saying im lying and it ever happened and i just want attention.

also how to deal with all of the critcizim. and y is it that i feel so embarrased about it?

i dont think you can write a book that will actually work for everyone because everyones experience is completly different nothing can discribe the feelings you get afterwards

I agree with Sprintah in some way, but if your book can help even just a few girls that have been through what we have all been through then you have done a brilliant thing and i wish you every luck with it.

I agree, and nobody's trying to do that. What I'm doing is trying to give information to the most common questions people have, and to help explain the research into why people have triggers, flashbacks, etc. and how to cope with them. After all, if writing to survivors wasn't helpful, why are we all here? :)

Absolutely! One book may help some and another help others. Write it!

For myself, the more applicable it is, the better. For instance, going to the dentist or doctor. After putting it off for as long as I could, I finally had not choice but to go to the dentist recently. It was VERY hard and no one was able to give me any tools that would really help. I finally decided that I would confide in the assistant (a woman), hoping that just someone knowing that information would help them to help me. It did! I was able to get up and go wander around outside while the Novocaine went to work, which relieved a lot of stress for me, not having to lay in that chair for as long anticipating the dentist (he) putting things in my mouth. It went okay and I got the work done, but I feel like it could go a lot better, too. I would like to have more tools at my disposal for next time.

Sorry that was so long. This is a serious issue for me.

I used to do trainings with dentists about sexual assault triggering issues. So that will DEFINITELY be a part of this.

As a counsellor in training I found my course therapy triggered my no go area my rape and low self esteem. The most wonderful question my Co. asked was simply What happened?

The relationship was safe enough to dare to trust, but I had to keep control. even there.

If I were to buy a book about rape, I would like to see common reactions, similar to the chapter you mentioned "Why do some victims begin to self-injure?". For example, eating disorders are common, I think, and also many victims fantasize about the perpetrator, some even go as far as to seduce the rapist. Some people act out sexually and have sex with someone they ordinarily would not. I have people come to me completely freaked out, then they think maybe they "asked" for the rape because they are fantasizing/seducing/being promiscuous. I know that this boils down to the mind's struggle for control when control was taken away is such a vital way and explaining that provides some relief but I never know any advice or tips in how to cope and how to regain a sense of control through healthy ways; how to replace disturbing fantasies and unhealthy ways of feeling a sense of control with healthy and productive ones. I especially never know what to say to people when they hate that they have the fantasies, as well as getting into bondage/S&M, how to cope with such things and how to, hopefully, keep them from haunting them forever.