one question...i will never know...why? why do they do it? maybe a chapter of like an interview with a rapist or something, for me the knowing there was nothing that i did, and for the life of me cant work out why...its all ive ever wanted to know really!!!!! WELL APART FROM when will the flasbacks, the nightmares end? reactions when see them again? coping with jealousy, seeing 'them' getting on with their lives, and me falling to pieces living a life of self destruction.? Why, even now i know it is my falut i still unish myself for something someone else did? ok so maybe more than one question!!oops x

also...how to take back control over what happened? and how to have complete closer on it i suppose, writting to them, confronting them????i dont know!!!

why? why couldnt i control the situation more? where and when did they get control over the situation? what did i do wrong? what will happen if i see them in public? why won't people leave me alone about filing a report? i can't even admit it to myself, why cant people understand that i can't stand up in front of people i dont even know and tell them the whole thing? how do i explain to my parents that even though i know it happened, i havent internalised it yet? why does my sister act as if nothing is different? am i angry? am i disappointed? am i frustrated? how can i prevent the aftermath of this from sabotaging my present relationship with the most patient, gentle, and understanding man i have ever met? if i end up sabotaging this relationship, will i ever be able to have a new one?

Cool! This is all stuff I'm working on. As for the issue of an interview with a rapist, there was a tremendous book called "The Mind of a Rapist" which was a clinical textbook about psychological reports on rapist thinking.

I did interview rapists in prison, though, and I might share some of those accounts in the book.

Keep 'em coming!

What do you do when you thought you'd dealt with it, moved on and lived a truly wonderful life (albeit with a few quirky after affects), and it suddenly jumps up and rattles you to the core again?

How to cope with the bad days. How not to have to pretend and who to trust.

How about addressing the fact (I think it is a fact) that rape survivors go on to be raped more often than women who have not been raped before?

Great thread, thank you:
My biggest fear, that i will be raped again and again, it feels inevitable.
A question for me is,
"why do they become like an out of control animal while they are raping? they dont look human and its like they are not human, like they are possessed, everything about them changes, their face.........cant go on sorry....

why will they never truely be punished? my rapist got 14 years, but he will be out in 7, is that all that 2 years of pain, rapes, the beatings, the hurt, the fear, is that all it is worth? what about the emotional damage that they cause? why do people cope with it in different ways, ie, either proiscuity or never going near near another man? why are people who have been raped more likly to be raped again?

WILL I KNOW WHEN I AM "RECOVERED" OR "HEALED" OR WILL I JUST REALIZE IT ONE DAY. I WAITED SO LONG FOR AN "AH HA!" MOMENT THAT DIDNT COME... THAT WAS WASTED TIME LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT JUST COULD NOT BE FOUND

You had several "ah Ha!" moments, just not one single huge one. I can recall a few quite easily!

i second wanting to know about when i've healed.

what bothers me most - how do i justify that what happened to me was actually even significant? i'm sure others have had it worse; what happened to me wasn't that bad.
-- what can i do to stop doubting whether rape, in its violent horror, actually occurred. it seems it would be easier to deal with if i really knew one way or the other
-- if i told someone (official?) some time after the fact, would i be able to choose if an actual investigation occurred? the authorities have screwed over my life so many times...

i'll come back with more if i think of it

I dont remember where I was reading it, but there was a list of things to never do or say to a survivor in preventing or dealing with flashbacks. Well, I was speachless today and physically sick when somebody asked me this question, "well did it feel good even though it was rape?" This is absurd. What kinda of damn question is that. I threw up when I got home because I couldn't get the voice asking me that question to stop taking over my thoughts. I know it was not their fault because they have not experienced rape, so they dont know how to handle it, but I would think people had the common sense to not ask a survivor this. It hurts that these thoughts go through people's head when you tell them your story. I am just shocked and disgusted right now. Matt I dunno what to do about this one. I am hurting. People can not possibly be this blind-sided about the painfulness rape vicims suffer through

I have never been to therapy or talked to anyone other then a very few people about what happand. If you would like an indepth story about it and how I was able to handle it on my own, let me know.

Question for your book: Why is it our fault? Why do we as victims get blamed for their actions? Or feel that it is our fault?