Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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disappointed

valgal18
valgal18
i was on facebook and there was this post that someone posted.....people had interviewed rapists who were in jail and asked them what they look for in potential victims.....i read it and most of it was good advice and sound advice.....good tips, logical stuff.....but the thing that really disappointed me or made me frustrated or annoyed me was this "if you fight they'll leave you alone." i was told that when i learned self defense my freshman year in gym class too.....i was taught if you scream and put up a fight they'll leave you alone, they'll let you go, they won't do anything.....that didn't happen with me.....when i put up a fight he hurt me MORE.....but i kept doing it, because i was told "if you put up a fight and KEEP fighting they'll stop." that didn't happen to me....i don't know....i'm just disappointed i guess.....maybe for most people/cases that's true, but not for ALL of them....in self defense they said it was true in ALL cases....i don't know....i just had to kind of vent i guess.....i mean, does anyone else get a little upset when they say this??? maybe upset isn't the word.....i don't know how i feel about this.....i'm just...i dunno....i can't describe it
kathywonders
kathywonders
The interview must raise a lot of painful feelings for you. Im really sorry about what youve had to go through and I applaud you for doing your best to defend yourself. You are totally justified in feeling disappointed with the people who told you that fighting back would spare you and youre right in pointing out that there are exceptions to the "norm" in how rapists act.
Take your time and be kind to yourself as you deal with these feelings!
freedom14G
freedom14G
nobody can fight back if they drug you so that doesnt apply to everyone i do not remember much but i was drugged i wish i had had the support and courage to take a rape kit and know for sure what happened it was drugged no doubt and i could not fight back dang it i was incapacitated i think not fighting back in court is why it took so long to heal that and the unhealthy things i did to cope,,,, i am finally starting to get over it once and for all i was able to teach music to a little girl again she is african american like my rapist and she healed my heart more than any therapy i am once and for all ready to put it behind me praise God
littlelucyx3
littlelucyx3
No, when people put up a it does NOT make a difference. If the man is able to continue the rape, he will.

It does not matter how much or how hard or how long a victim tries, if the rapist can overpower a victim he will to anything to make sure that he DOES overpower the victim.
littlelucyx3
littlelucyx3
"No, when people put up a fight" is what I meant
tab8614
tab8614
I fought, I tried to run, I screamed...it ticked my first attacker off and according to him made things even worse. Knowing this when I read the line "if you fight they'll leave you alone." made me say to myself "did I not fight hard enough?" then the sarcastic side said "perhaps your rapists didn't get this memo?"

Venting is good for us, it's better to get out the emotions vs. having them stay inside and fester. Self defense teachers need to choose their words wisely and in this case, the word 'all' should have been avoided, just my opinion.

Valgal18 do not forget self care as you sort through your feelings and remember you are not alone, we are here for you!
KAdunn
KAdunn
I know the woman Jori who wrote chocolate flowers and she interviewed pedophiles in jail to get an understanding of what they look for and why they do what they do. Even if they are castrated they still would try and rape. sick but true. It's a mental sickness and a lack of others personal rights. One of my attackers fixated on teen girls who didn't have a father figure or at least in my case a good one. The rape that happened when I was 20 was a case (according to my therapist) of in the wrong place at the wrong time. I did try to get up but still got held down and raped.
valgal18
valgal18
i talked about this with my therapist and she said something that really made me feel better...she said,"no matter what you did he still chose to hurt you and abuse you..." she also said,"fighting and screaming and everything that you did didn't work in THIS case, but remember that M does not represent ALL rapists....so if you got raped again you can still fight and scream because what happened with M doesn't mean that it will happen again..." which is a really good point
Misssy2
Misssy2
I would think screaming and yelling would make them more aggressive and scared of being caught.

When I was raped...I played along like I was enjoying it...I was way off any main road...no houses or building in site...even if I had screamed...no one would have heard me.

And all the way back down that winding road..he kept telling me he could leave me anywhere to die....or to kill. me and leave me anywhere and no one would find me.

I played up to him....saying NO..you don't want to do that because then I can never have you again...he kept making me promise I would see him again and not tell anyone...I said things like I think we make a good couple...I'll just tell people you are my boyfriend.

I was absolutely TERRIFIED I was going to die that day..and wouldn't have done anything to piss him off.
notalone00
notalone00
Missy2... I'm so sorry you went though that... I'm sorry any of us went through the crap we did.. But your quick thinking, and you playing along probably saved your life... I have to camend you in that. With me, it didn't matter if I kicked and screamed, or what I did... He was beating me and to the chance he did... Mine was a corn cob... Both beatings and rape... That's the only difference in this with me and others...

Dang it, I just wanted to say in a nice way good job playing along it more than likely saved your life... And I wanted to say with mine it didn't matter what I did, it was.... Going to happen...



I'm sorry I'm repeating my self, and not really making a point either...


(Now I see why no one talks to me anymore!!)
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