Anyone? (sorry to beg; I'm looking for input)

sorry cant help u I have confronted mine but he has always denied it,so nothing good came of it

I havent yet but I however think about it
the closest I came was a VERY LONG email I sent to him after I pressed charges
it did help me
I told him how invaluable the fact that he was denying it was
and how he couldnt run away from this if I couldnt
how he hurt me but didnt break me
how he thought this gave him power but really it just shows how weak he is that he would lower himself to taking advatage of some one who was unconsious
how he can go on living his "self righteous life
but I know his dirty secret
and he's not 1% of the man he pretends to be
how Im not scared and I will be avenged
it was long
it was complicated
I felt good about it

Having a script could be good and bad. Good because she knows what she wants to say, but bad because you will never know what he will say.. which would completely disregard the script.

I have never confronted my rapist in person; rather, I did not want anything to do with him after what had happened. He kept contacting me.. asking me why I was upset, telling me he wanted to be friends.

The best advice I can give to you.. to give to her, would be to have her say what she needs to say and walk away.

i agree with october.
it could be a risky situation, because you have no idea what he will say. i don't think i could put myself in that position for fear that he would say something that would upset me all over again.

if i could/wanted to talk to him.....i would probably say:
"Thank you. I have walked away from you a stronger, more beautiful, person. Your actions have made me who I am today."

There are many negatives things I would want to say to him....about how I hate him for taking my life away and for me having to live through hell for the past few years.....but I feel like that would not do anything. He was all about control and power and I would just be feeding into that. So, while it sounds odd to thank him...I'm trying to think of a positive that came out of this...because I can't change what has happened.
Good luck to your patient...I wish her luck.

My premise is that confronting him has NOTHING to do with what he says, so whether he admits it or responds ideally is irrelevant. By defining "success" by whether he says a certain thing, we are returning power to HIS actions to determine whether the encounter allows us to continue or not. Of course he's not likely to admit it, so that can't be the goal.

We confront because there are things we need to say, not hear. That's why having thoughts planned in advance is good, and it's also how you avoid being crushed afterward by his denial or rude responses.

I guess I should ask it this way: if he were mute and paralyzed, what would you say to him that you would like to say, regardless of whether he ever accepted it or not?

Release, let me ask...WHOSE actions have made you stronger? Does he really get credit and thanks for that? Wouldn't that incline him to repeat his actions if he hears feedback that what he did is beneficial to a woman?

I think the credit for the strength is yours, YOUR actions, not anything he did.

I too was completly thrown off by release thanking her rapist!
Im so happy that your are now a stronger woman but you have yourself to thank not him!

I don't know if it is the safest thing to purposely get in contact with the man who raped her.
If I could see my rapist and talk to him, I wouldn't want to. But if I mistakenly saw him, I would probably say "F#ck you you piece of $hit loser." Or something along those lines...

I don't think my experience would be much help, my ex/rapist gatecrashed a friend's party one new year's eve ............. ummmmm ................ I punched him in the face and told him to stay the f*** away from my friends.
Oh well, by that point things couldn't really have got much worse anyway!

I confronted him but only because he came into the place where I was and I was drunk. Otherwise, I don't know if I'd talk to him or not. And I definitely am not suggesting getting drunk and confronting him. That was just a fluke sort of thing. Nevertheless, it felt REALLY good to freaking yell my lungs out at him and say everything I had wanted to say for so long.

I confronted him but i'm afraid I can be of much help because I hadn't expected to I ran into him and I just sort of let everything out. It helped a little, especially to get all my anger and rage out, and on the person that it belonged instead of everyone else. I kinda wish that i would have had a script, but after having time to go back over it a million times, I can't say for sure if I'd do it different, my biggest regret is that I wished I would have attempted to get answers to questions that haunt me even now. I know that it probably wouldn't have done any good but I still wish that i would have at least tried.

When I inadvertantly ran into my rapist I very nearly attacked him with a garden rake. Anger can hide inside and your client needs to be sure she is ready.

If I ever confronted my rapist I might just kill him. Actions speak louder than words and there is a lot I'd like to say... >:/

Here are some examples suggested by women in my group. Obviously, some of them are more..um, "feasible" than others.

"F-- you, you piece of s--- b----d! You are a f---ing RAPIST!"

"I'm not afraid of you. Do you see that I am not afraid of you?" (who cares if it makes sense to him; just ring his doorbell, say it, and leave.)

"What you do to women is wrong. I'm here to tell you that regardless of whatever excuses you tell yourself about what a man is, or what you think a woman is, they're bulls--- lies, and you know it."

"I'm done keeping your secret. From now on, YOU need to be the one who's afraid to run into ME, because I intend to make sure every woman I know is prepared for you by telling them exactly what you do to people."

"There is no terror in your threats,
For I am armed so strong in honesty
That they pass by me as the idle wind,
Which I respect not." (thanks, Shakespeare!)

And of course, "F--you, you f---ing piece of s---" made a few more popular appearances in the discussion.

I also happen to really like the scene in Antwone Fisher where her confronts his abusers at the front door.