Hi,

Aw, I totally understand. About two months after my PE, I sort of went into a depression and started to develop a lot of anxiety. I think the honeymoon phase where you're so happy to be alive sort of wears off and you start to really examine how mortal you really are and how frightening the future looks with the fear of getting another clot.

I started seeing a therapist at that time. I just went for like 6 sessions and it really helped me sort everything out. It was the best thing I did for myself.

You are not alone, Karen. It's this weird process you go through because you feel like the fear and sadness means you aren't grateful. I think the cliche is that if you have this near death experience, it's supposed to make you carefree and bursting with enthusiasm for life. Well, real life ain't like the movies. It's much more complicated than that.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I know exactly how you feel and its ok. However you are feeling, sad, happy, scared, its ok. We've all felt overwhelmed and we know we should feel happy we are alive. But, still, its a very scary situation we've all gone through. I'll be praying for you.

Hi, I am very sorry you're going through this. The same thing happened to me too between 2-3 months. I was feeling very overwhelmed with what happened and pretty depressed, and I was frustrated with just about everyone around me, because either they were too concerned and thought I'd drop over dead at any minute or they didn't really believe I had anything wrong with me.

Do not feel bad about going through feeling upset. I mean, while we are of course grateful to be alive, it also stinks to have this happen and have to deal with all of the recovery and long-term aftermath as well. Hang in there, you'll have days that go as high as you feel low right now, and there will eventually arrive a point at which you have better acceptance of the ordeal as you learn how to manage it all.

All the best......

Hi

Bless you. I went through this too, about 3 months after my PE. I think at first you are caught up in getting your head around the illness and treatment etc.Then suddenly there comes a point where it just hits you like a brick!

Think this is normal for any traumatic event but I found I wasnt helped by the number of people looking horrified and saying 'god you are so lucky to have survived!'. I work in the medical profession so came across this a lot.

I know it is only natural and people mean well but wanted to scream! I know I am lucky but right now I dont feel that way.

Fortunatly for me it was around this time I found this site and it was brilliant to find people feeling the same as me and knowing i was 'Normal'

I have come to terms with things mostly now. It still gets to me sometimes (mostly around 3am) but it is less and I find I can cope with it better.

Hope this helps.

Kate x

Karen, Just remember you are not in this alone. You have each and every one of us by your side and one of us is always here on line for who ever needs someone.
Be strong my dear friend, we all will be praying for you and sending good thoughts and strength.
God Bless
Ferr

Thank you so much for your lovely replies, this is the only place where I feel I can be totally honest about my feelings. It does help sharing with all you wonderful people *hugs*

I'm with you on the "3am" Kate. Something about the middle of the night that makes you feel lonely and frightened. One of my dogs (gsd) has been glued to me since I hit this down patch. She even climbed on my knee, no mean feat for a 6 stone dog lol! Thank you all again xx

I think how you are feeling is totally normal. Everyone deals with things in a different manner so never feel bad how you are feeling.
I was diagnosed almost a mnth ago and I have gone through a myriad of emotions. There are times where I forget about it and then there are times where I have alot of anxiety. I have found I too have been depressed or really sad. Just remember you are not alone and if you need to talk or vent there are many that will be willing to listen.

Hi Karen

Glad to have helped. Have had the middle of the night feeling quite a lot and a couple of times have been sitting writing on this site at 3am with tears running down my face!

Then in the morning there are usually some lovely messages and hugs which always helps so much. Stay with it, you know where we are if needed. Even at 3am!

Kate x

Hi Karen

Glad to have helped. Have had the middle of the night feeling quite a lot and a couple of times have been sitting writing on this site at 3am with tears running down my face!

Then in the morning there are usually some lovely messages and hugs which always helps so much. Stay with it, you know where we are if needed. Even at 3am!

Kate x

Hi Karen, You are feeling what I am sure all of us have and we can all totally understand. I remember thinking everyone is telling me I am lucky to be alive and I was repeating it like a mantra.....so why did I feel so bloody awful? Because like my dr and counsellor explained to me it is like a Post Traumatic Stress facing up to what happened. I also believe it is like a sort of grieving process, for the carefree life that I have lost (i.e blissfull ignorance of never considering you are going to die). The feelings will ease with time.....but we are all here with you.

Hugs

Nicola xxxxxx

Wow you had a two month check up! I am missing something, I havent seen my doc other than when I had a 24 hour bug since this thing started. I have my inr checked frequently but havent had the pe looked at at all. He said see you in 6 months. 2 more months to go.... This worries me.

Hi Kerenza,

Sorry you had to go through this but as everyone has said, know that what you are feeling is very normal. Being 3+ years out from mine, I still find that I have moments of anxiety, just went through one over the past couple of weeks. To the point where I went to the doc and had an ultrasound of my leg just to be sure and to calm my nerves. It is hard once the 'honeymoon' phase is over. I can remember my doc telling me in the hospital that she wanted me to see a therapist and I was like why? I am a therapist # 1 and 2, I am so grateful to be here and so happy to have survived, I don't need to. But, she knew that the reality of facing my own mortality would eventually hit me. And it did. I didn't find this group until a couple of months ago, thanks to my hemotologist. I am so grateful to have found this place, because those 3am anxiety spells can be bad. Know that you have found a great place for support and understanding. Good luck

Thank you all so much, I do have a counsellor for other things but she is thinking of sending me for cbt. I'm not sure how this works but I'll give anything a go. It's tiring feeling like this, I can't remember when I last slept for more than a couple of hours at a time.

I don't know if you're in the UK or not Anjel? I had a 2 month check up and he wants to see me again in 3 months.
I'm in a bit of a tizz at the moment, I have a mirena coil as my hormones went crazy about 10 years ago and I was bleeding all the time. This coil has been brilliant, stopped my periods altogether. Anyway it's 6 months past the date for coming out, my gp said they won't do it at the surgery because of the warfarin so I have to be referred to someone else.
I don't know if this could have played a part in why I got the clot, I need to decide if to have it replaced and if not what do I do if I start bleeding so badly again.. This damn PE impacts on every part of your life.

We should form a 3am club, anyone who is up worrying should sit with hot milk and chocolate and put something funny on the tv!Love and hugs to all of you xxx

I loved rmb's comment about how this is life and it "ain't like the movies!" Soooo true. And the honeymoon period too - yes, I was so thankful and feeling lucky to be alive, but that feeling wore off quickly when reality set in. I think it's probably the worst right around there in that 2-4 month mark. I definitely turned a corner physically around 5 or 6 months feeling better, etc. - but I had some dark moments of just feeling "broken," or just, not attractive, not myself, etc. - and I wondered if I was ever going to be remotely the same carefree person I was. It really hasn't been until about the 7-8 month mark (now) that my emotions have caught up. And just like in the beginning with the physical symptoms, I have days that are GREAT, and then I have a day where it's 2 steps backwards. Even if I look at where I was a month ago, I know I've made progress. It's just a really slow progess, this PE business!

Anyway, know you're not alone, we've all been exactly where you are, and it DOES get so much better - just hang in there! :o)

Cheers!

As you can see...we all have gone through or are still going through same emotions ,fears and anxieties .I wish I knew why it seems to be worse in the evenings or middle of the night .Maybe we are so busy during the day that when we start settling down it all comes to the fore front .
We are all here for you ((((hugs)))