sorry I am just now getting back to everyone. I had a blood clot pass Thursday and just got out of the hospital. Of course I am back at work because my FMLA days are used up. My wonderful family did not even come see me. My poor dog was locked up in my apartment for two days until I found a friend to go get him. I just feel like giving up some times. it is so hard going through all this by myself. I love this support group but dont have a computer at home to stay connected. Thanks for all your advise it means alot to have people know what you are going through.

Oh wow ... you really have had a rough week! And your poor puppy too! NOT helpful that your family didn't show up!

What happened with your clot? Did you get another one in your lungs or what? Not sure ...

BUT glad you are out of the hospital! Please hang in there and keep us all posted on how you're doing. When you get a chance, read the Spoon Theory (I posted the link above) and see if it gives you some ideas about explaining your sicknesses to your family.

What weve got here is..failure to communicate. Some men you just cant reach. Along with some family and some friends. We are all walk this plant for a short time; do you really want to spend that time trying to explain yourself? Its unfortunate that youre sick and Im fairly certain its not by choice. Whats the first thing you see when you look at someone the outside if you have broken arm it can be set if you lost a leg you can get a prosthetic leg a visual image you can comprehend. When the problem is internal it takes on a different prospective its the unknown. Sure we have come a long way in understanding the way the human body works both internally and mentally but for most people they react poorly either out of fear or simple lack of knowledge. If its just a matter of Ive never heard of that you can explain what may have caused youre aliment & the treatment & possible recovery time. That you will have good days & bad days. If they are opened minded they usually can accept it. If not really that is their problem. OK enough thinking with the civilized side of my brain.
Now the redneck side of my brain. The Who says it best I dont need to fight to prove Im right Do not let anyone drag you down. Regardless of whom they are.



PS Cowgirl, dmott I know where youre coming from about family. There are only four of us left and we aint Velcro (we dont stick together) I wish you luck with your family.

yes I have printed the spoon theroy and the letter to people without chronic illness and my family still does not get it. I guess because I dont look as sick as I am. I am trying my best to pick my self up and not have a pity party but sometimes I need help and I thought my family would help me. I cant get any help from the governement, churches or housing because it is just me with no dependants and if you make over $18,000 a year you do not qualify. I am just turning it over to God and believing for complete healing or some kind of break through. thanks for all your advise.

I dont need to fight to prove Im right Absolutely perfect.

Do you have one or two close friends you can reach out to, or a particularly helpful neighbor? Do you need help financially? I'm not trying to beat you down with a bunch of questions. I'm trying to understand what exactly you need help with because I think that helps figure out where to turn for support.

Here is what I have come to understand and this is a harsh lesson with a life threatening event and/or a chronic illness: Most people are not intuitively aware what people may need, particularly if you don't look sick. And some people are so self absorbed, it never occurs for them to know what someone may need. So, if we need help, we need to contact people we can trust and know are reliable and ask them for help, telling them specifically what we need. I'm sorry to say, but we cannot expect people to know what we need. If you have no one, please look into counseling. The therapist could probably provide you with resources to help you.

I have a spouse who was not helpful at all when I got home. Sure, he was beautiful while I was in the hospital, but he was a total shit about stuff when I was home. He had no clue, thought since I was home, I was fine. My entire family was great when I was in the hospital and then went on with their lives when I was home and I never heard from anyone. My mother doesn't live near me and my dad and I were estranged, so I had no parental support either.

So, I just didn't rely anyone for much of anything. I felt like if I needed something, I'd find a way to do it myself. And I'm glad I did this because it would have been depressing for me to be constantly disappointed by people, especially my husband, the person I'm closest to. Why put myself through that, when clearly, this was his issue, not mine. Instead, I confided in a few people in my life and vented here and just found a way to take care of myself, by myself. And I went to therapy. That really helped me.

I mentioned in another post that I had ulcerative colitis. When it's in remission I'm fine. When it's not, I am so sick, in an incredible amount of pain and completely anemic. No one gets it. Not my husband, not my family, no one. Chronic illness is incredibly lonely. Support groups are great for helping with that. Please keep trying to reach out.

My dear husband actually said to me, "Blood clots are over rated..." and walked off as I was a sobbing, couldn't breathe mess.... Do you think a divorce could be in our future??
You have got to find someone that you can rely on, neighbor, friend, co-worker... Hang in there dmott, I wish I could help you. Keep writing, we are here.

dmott your story sounds the same as mine, massive pes then pneumonia.
My mum said she wasnt surprised I got ill because I am 'so fat', that I need to get out of bed and do some exercise when I had pleuracy from the pneumonia and I need to 'speed up' when I later got dvts in both legs. Then they tested me for factor 5 leiden and later it was found that I had it and it came from her. shes nicer to me now but it took that much for a reaction. I kind of give up if anyone makes any comments now.

But these people are misguided and you are better than that, so dont listen to them, they will only get you down and you have your life, that is yours, for you to do what you need to do

:)

thank you for all your kind replies. I am really trying to have faith and hang in there but things are just stacking up and I dont know how to deal with them? I have two friends that I can count on when I go into the hospital to take care of my dog but it is getting to the point that I am becoming a bother. I mean they have their own famlies to take care of. Plus they are getting tired of me always being sick and talking about it and not being able to do anything. Work is getting to be a problem to. I was only suppose to come back to 6 hours a day but was made to come back to 8 hours a day and now they are making comments about me always being sick or when we come back in from the weekend they are like "So was it another weekend in the hospital" or "Do you have any new illness that you have to tell us about". I just wish I could change places with them and let them see how it feels to be sick 24/7. T h anks for listening.