Pulmonary Embolism Support Group
By far the most common form of pulmonary embolism is a thromboembolism, which occurs when a blood clot, generally a venous thrombus, becomes dislodged from its site of formation and embolizes to the arterial blood supply of one of the lungs. Symptoms may include difficulty breathing, pain during breathing, and more rarely circulatory instability and death.
Another rambling of mine. :o) Just something I have been giving a lot of thought to lately and have gradually been learning. Now hopefully, my thoughts will stream together and this will make sense! lol
Simply put, I have learned that you know what? It is ok to be pissed off about all of this sometimes! Yesterday was my 10 month anniversary of having massive PE's. Well, a few months ago my mother looked at me with such sadness and said, "why did this have to happen to you?" I said, "I am starting to wonder the same thing". Her answer..."NOW? You're just wondering that now????" LOL It made me realize something and that was that I had not yet gotten angry!
When it first happened, like most, I was scared, terrified in fact, and right along with that, just so grateful to be alive! I accepted what had happened,and was ready to embrace life in a whole new way. Live and enjoy every moment. Well, that is all well and fine, great outlook in fact, but, I forgot to get mad! I was determined I was not going to live a "why me" existance. I never have. But it occured to me one day that I was not allowing myself to fully process everything. I am not saying I wanted to wallow in self-pity, not by any stretch, but I did have the right to say what the *bleep*!
I think ( for me personally and what I have experienced with my family and friends) the general mentality is, wow, we are the lucky ones. That you cannot dwell on the would have, could have, should have's. We made it! That it happend, you lived, accept and go from there. All very very true!!! But, no one ever tells you that some days, you can be "selfish". You can say why me all day long. You can cry and yell and swear if you want. Because all of that is fine too! And what I have found, it is a necessary part of the process. To accept something, you have to accept it as a whole and all that goes along with it. I would not allow myself those feelings for a very long time because i thought, how horrible of me to even have such thoughts when so many people were not as lucky!
I apologize if this came across as a therapy session. :o) I just figured maybe I am not the only who has had these thoughts.
Wishing you all a very happy and healthy new year!
Simply put, I have learned that you know what? It is ok to be pissed off about all of this sometimes! Yesterday was my 10 month anniversary of having massive PE's. Well, a few months ago my mother looked at me with such sadness and said, "why did this have to happen to you?" I said, "I am starting to wonder the same thing". Her answer..."NOW? You're just wondering that now????" LOL It made me realize something and that was that I had not yet gotten angry!
When it first happened, like most, I was scared, terrified in fact, and right along with that, just so grateful to be alive! I accepted what had happened,and was ready to embrace life in a whole new way. Live and enjoy every moment. Well, that is all well and fine, great outlook in fact, but, I forgot to get mad! I was determined I was not going to live a "why me" existance. I never have. But it occured to me one day that I was not allowing myself to fully process everything. I am not saying I wanted to wallow in self-pity, not by any stretch, but I did have the right to say what the *bleep*!
I think ( for me personally and what I have experienced with my family and friends) the general mentality is, wow, we are the lucky ones. That you cannot dwell on the would have, could have, should have's. We made it! That it happend, you lived, accept and go from there. All very very true!!! But, no one ever tells you that some days, you can be "selfish". You can say why me all day long. You can cry and yell and swear if you want. Because all of that is fine too! And what I have found, it is a necessary part of the process. To accept something, you have to accept it as a whole and all that goes along with it. I would not allow myself those feelings for a very long time because i thought, how horrible of me to even have such thoughts when so many people were not as lucky!
I apologize if this came across as a therapy session. :o) I just figured maybe I am not the only who has had these thoughts.
Wishing you all a very happy and healthy new year!
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Thank you :-)
Heather
This past year I finally asked for a therapist and an anti depressant that might work for a change. I needed both and I am still a work in progress here but glad I began to crawl out of denial at last.
Good for you and best wishes for the future. Hugs, Cindy
Honestly, for me personally, I never experienced anger with the PE. I mean, it's not that I didn't let myself. It's that I truly had no feelings of anger. I experienced other emotions, the obvious ones like fear, and the less obvious ones, like this incredible loneliness. But I can't say anger occurred, which is odd because I can be kind of fiery about a lot of things. I think a lot of that stems from watching my brother go through cancer about 11 years ago. He was 21 years old at the time, and just handled everything with a lot of grace and dignity. Not that he didn't feel down or pissed off sometimes, but he just really coped in a functional way during his illness, and I thought a lot about that when I had my PE, about his bravery and his gumption and fortitude. Basically, it came down to me thinking, if my baby brother could do this, how dare I not be able to, too. That same brother had a DVT earlier this year so I think we're connected in some way anyway.
But I agree that there's no right way or wrong way to feel. I remember when I went back to work after the PE, and someone asked me if I now felt like I was going to live each day to the fullest, since coming so close to death. And I really thought about that since I wanted to answer how I really felt and not the way I was suppose to feel. And the answer was, no I don't. I don't feel like I'm going to live each day to the fullest now, that I'll never take anything for granted again. I don't. I still don't. What I do feel, for sure, is that I am i grateful for my life. That I feel everyday, still, 4 years after my PE, even when I'm crabby, or sad, or pissy or whatever it is I'm feeling.
I think we're all entitled to our feelings about anything. I think it's how people navigate through those feelings so that they're tolerable to be around and don't fall into a black hole of negativity that matters I agree there's sort of a process at work for sure.
This is a great thread by the way.
My whole life up until this point I was a very glass half full kind of person. The idea of dying didnt scare me, I was very at peace with everything. I wouldnt have cared if I'd lost me legs/sight/you name it because I felt like there was always a brighter side, and someone who is worse off than me so why complain?. Since this though I have struggled to feel the same way, but I am trying so hard to get back to that and Im hoping one day I can be that again.
Its been a ride of emotions since it happened and all I know is I am SO THANKFUL to find the lovely people here on DS :)
It's like people who get mad at god for somethimg- what's the point? Maybe it's not so much about whether or not I felt angry, but that it never occured to me to feel that way.
And yet, I want kick someone's ass when they're driving stupid because they're on their cell phone. Go figure.
I have always believed everything happens for a reason, even when it is hard to find sometimes. For example, my ex-husband early in our marriage decided he wanted to persue a career that I was completely against having grown up in that atmosphere. However, I supported him anyway. For that career he had to haave a complete physical, which he otherwise would not have done. When he did, we found out he had cancer. There were no symptoms at all and we would not have known until much further down the road. So, the job I hated so much was a blessing in disguise. We went thru it for 7 years butin the end he was healthy. So when I used the "why me" thing, it was not about wishing it upon someone else, or not accepting that things happen. I guess maybe just that in some dark and or frustrating moments, I think enough already! Does that make any more sense?
My long winded point was nicely summed up by TNT... you feel what you feel, there is no right or wrong, It's all ok.
And now I need more coffee! :o)
I think the words we have to describe our emotions, like mad, or angry, or sad, are too basic and one dimensional to describe the complex nature of what we are feeling. I'll tell you this. When I had the PE I did experience some anger, over the fact that I felt my husband wasn't being as supportive as I'd hoped he'd be once I was home from the hospital. He eventually got there, once I was able to articulate what it was that I was going through. Because I didn't have words for it a lot of the time. I just got upset with him, and he with me.
It's all so tangled. But you do come out the otherside, eventually. Man, self analysis is a bitch.
And Happy Birthday by the way!!! :o)
We lived to tell the story. In the end, after all the emotions and confusion, you get to a point where that has to be enough.