Nothing brings out family medical.history like having a health event or illness. The same thing happened to me after my PE, found out both my aunt and grandma had clots. It would not have prevented me from going on the pill though. Hell, the risk of blood clots listed on my BC pill packaging itself didn't prevent me from taking them. You never think the side effects of meds or a risk from a procedure is going to happen to you. Hindsight always gives us perfect knowledge, but it's a lie to tell ourselves had we known, we would have chosen differently. That serves to just punish ourselves. And even if we would have chosen differently, there's nothing you can do about it now.

You cannot change the past. Accept what happened to you. Make peace with what happened to you. Then put it to rest after you get your test results, whatever the results may be. You will never be able to.move on or ahead if you keep looking back.

Hey! I have to agree with @rmb. We never think that the possible side effects are going to happen to us, so it is entirely likely that even had you known the family history, you might have acted in exactly the same way. There's no way you could know what kind of effect clots might have on you, had you never had them.

Honestly, to some extent, I might find it comforting to have relatives with clotting issues. I'm a complete loner in my family in terms of clotting history and my super-new-age-healthy parents are convinced that I "caused" my clotting by eating the wrong foods or taking the wrong medicine.

Oddly enough, my husband has an extremely strong family clotting history (father, aunt, cousins all have Factor V; grandfather died from clots) and he's never clotted. He's also never done anything to avoid clotting, even through he's had knee and foot surgery and flown internationally many times. He's also never been tested for Factor V and doesn't really want to be.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that a family clotting history is no guarantee that you will or won't clot... so getting hung up on that is probably just a way to torture yourself because you're convincing yourself that if you had just known, you would have been able to prevent everything that has happened to you. And, honestly, that just isn't true. It's impossible to know what steps you could have taken to avoid where you are now ... so don't torture yourself thinking that you (or your "ignorance") caused this somehow.

Every little bit of knowledge that you gain is power. It is power to retake control of this situation and to move forward knowing what you need to do to stay healthy in the future. Nothing that you learned about your relatives changes anything that has happened except that it gives you some guidance into possible causes and how you can stay healthy in the future.These are GOOD things.

You are going to have to figure out how to start looking toward the future instead of wallowing in the past. I mean, I relived the weekend I was admitted to the hospital a thousand times in my head, but at some point I moved past that. I think you do have to work through it to get past it, but it is possible to just get "stuck" there.

Think about what you want the future to be like. Make a list of things that you think the clots took from you ... and then figure out how you're going to take it back. Make sure that YOU are the one running the show, not the clots. As a minor step, maybe start a gratitude journal and write down good things that happen everyday or things that you're glad about. Only *good* stuff in there and its something you can come back to when you need to.

There's no reason that this needs to alter your life, other than to make you more aware in the future. You don't need to be fearful and miserable long term. I've dealt with three clotting incidents, including some pretty severe anxiety after my PEs. But, I would say I'm recovered and my life is pretty great. I travel, I exercise, I hike, and do everything I did before the clots. I'm a lifer on anticoagulants, but I wouldn't say that affects me much, other than carrying a pretty buff first-aid kit when I'm off the beaten path.

You WILL be fine. Take baby steps ... anything you need to do to feel better and calm and safe are things you need to do right now and frequently. But, don't turn your back on your fear and misery completely. Give yourself 10 minutes to wallow when you need to, but then move on. There's no reason to let microscopic blood clots run your life from now on.

I understand where you are coming from and why you feel the way you do. But for me I wondered why other people in my family never got blood clots and I did. Don't get me wrong I don't wish it on anyone, but my mom's side of the family is very obese and sedentary and no one ever clotted. My uncle was a hermit that was morbidly obese and barely left the couch and he never got a blood clot. I know it's really hard to look at this as a positive but like Toss said knowledge is power. You survived the PE and now you are getting treatment plus you are now aware of your family's history. That's actually a good thing.

Oh and I also wanted to say don't beat yourself up about birth control pills and the hysterectomy. About six months before my PE a lady at work told me that it isn't a good idea to stay on birth control pills once you hit age 35 because your risk of developing a blood clot increases. I thought to myself "Eh, whatever I'll worry about that when I turn 35." I knew the risk of being on the pill but never did I think it was something that would happen to me.

Thanks so much rmb, toss renaec.... You all bring a piece of wisdom/logic for me to hold on to. It's been such a whirlwind of bad tidings and emotions that I wonder how long it will take to have something that seems like "everyday life". I'm thankful or your input.