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Workplace is weird now

Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Easter Sunday was fun, all warm and sunny. I had a ball speaking at a church yesterday saying that Jesus maybe had PTSD on Easter Saturday and almost decided not to make a comeback until Sunday because people were just rotten to him on Friday. I just sent out 5 copies via email to parishioners who liked what I said and requested hard copies. It was nice to see people laugh on such a serious day about such things as crucifixion and PTSD both, and then get the point, too.

It's Monday, though, and I'm kind of overwhelmed with the college tenure drama from now until April 10. That's when the names of those granted tenure will be handed over to the college board. My name may or may not be on the list. Not normal at work these days, not at all. The workplace is definitely weird now.
LeoX3
LeoX3
Oh geez, Muji, big puma power purrs to you! It's a horrible comparison, but we're going to be sweating my hubby's possible skin cancer diagnosis and it feels like life is completely normal, except it's totally weird. Still waking up, eating, showering, etc., but it's like the waiting twists the lens so it's not in the same focus anymore.

Big purrs, and congrats on that sermon:-)
arfie
arfie
I've never been deeply established enough in any place to be on one of those lists, but watching other folks during the days before one of those kinds of lists are posted always made me wonder if anxiety should be an Olympic event. They strike my senses as cruel and unusual punishment.

So sayeth the woman who has 14 years of higher education and still needs to finish her Freshman core classes. . .

Continued support while you finish out the Olympic Anxiety Hurl. OAH?
looney1
looney1
Huh you'll be top of the list muji. I can feel it in my bones. This is just your time to spoil yourself while you wait.
Anyway what's normal? Normal isn't always good either.
I'm glad you enjoyed your Easter though and was appreciated.
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
My way of dealing with it would be to assume the worst. This is called defensive pessimism.
wsbreeze
wsbreeze
Good to hear you had some fun under a lot of pressure : )

I know the anticipation feeling all too well!

Visualizing your name on the list as it should be in IMO!
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I have had a couple of weird days.

Very weird it is indeed at work right now as I wait to for the tenure committee's verdict by April 10.

I used to go to lunch with colleagues from science, from forestry, all kinds. Not now. No one's stopping by to say hello. I guess the word's out.

A retired faculty colleague who has nothing to lose called me out of the blue to have dinner together on Thursday. Bless him. He has nothing to lose by hanging out with me, the college faculty's "dead man walking."

Wow, these are weird days indeed. I know if I get turned down it's going to be a blow come April 10th, but this 2 weeks of waiting until then is stressful, too.
donnawanda
donnawanda
I'm very sorry you have to be put through this extended period of anticipation. It is a disgusting way to treat anyone. I'm sure you must have many feelings about this. Please be sure to give yourself space to express your feelings in a way that is not harmful to you.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Yeah, I'm always surprised when smart people seem to be unaware of how their action or inaction affects other people. Like making me wait through over 2 weeks of uncertainty over whether I have a job in the future or not. Putting yourself in another person's shoes isn't automatic for everybody.
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
Muj, the biggest HUG, to carry around with you. I wish we could give you some glasses to wear that would show only all of us around you, so we could all be at your table with you for lunch - there wouldn't be room for anyone else, that's for sure :O)
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Huge hug and a blessing... I'm glad your friend reached out on Thursday M... xo
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Yeah, I just got done teaching some great classes and I don't know how I did it. I kept smiling, engaging students, while in the background of me there was a part of me that wanted to cry. To mourn what may be lost soon come April 10th if I don't get tenure and have to go to another job after being here for 5 years.

I can't say in front of my students that part of me wants to cry, so I'm glad I have an outlet for that grieving here. I know I don't have the answer yet, that it's not April 10th, but part of me grieves the very possibility. It's not just fear, there's that. It's grief, aptly enough, since what I'm teaching while holding back my tears are death and dying classes at my community college.

The irony is rich. And sad.
lilacashley
lilacashley
I really hope you get tenure. You should, you really care about your job and it sounds like you are really good at it. It would be a huge loss to them if you had to leave hopefully they will know that. It does seem very unfair to keep you waiting all this time.
wsbreeze
wsbreeze
Sorry you're feeling sad Muji, As you know, healthy are those who mourn. Tears cleanse the soul, so it's okay to cry when you get home!
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Thanks, everybody, for letting me literally cyber-cry on your shoulder. I'm a leader to some people (students and some others) at my college who would be unsettled by that, you know?

I just am looking right now to getting to April 10th with my own dignity intact.

Thanks so much for being there to listen and let me vent!
looney1
looney1
Just returning the favor mate.
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