I keep trying to force myself to get into the holiday spirit, not happening this year. Why? What makes this year different from years past? I can't figure it out...this is coming from someone who is usually in the Christmas spirit ALL year round. I can't put my finger on what happened. I mean I think it's been several little things that have wormed in and taken away my spirit. It's just that there's so much emphasis on being happy and jolly...it's hard when you don't feel it and fake it.
I am so full of poison. Seeting and bubbling and I try to shut everyone away but even here I think of the most mean and hurtful things I could reply to everyone's posts. And I can only just stop myself. Ashley is poison. I want to die.
i spike to me cpn today. I was talking about how unbareable things feel atm that i want to kill myself. He talked back at me like he knew what i was going through. He has no fucking idea whats so ever. He i have firm belief everyone has there own pains in life to deal with ect. But he clearly hasnt ever felt this intensely. For starters i have EUPD which tends to mean i feel this more intensely...