I spent allot of time researching that very question by getting to know people who appeared to have idyllic families and getting to know the inside of those idyllic families whenever possible. My conclusion was the timeless old cliche: "Appearances can be deceiving." Every life has its challenges, injuries and pain. With families, the challenges multiply by the number of members.

Comparing my insides to other people's outsides is not a fair comparison. Over the course of my informal research, I was stunned to discover how many people from those idyllic families envied the appearance of freedom that my family dysfunctions gave to the outside of my own life.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. ~Kris Kristofferson

So it seems to me. Continued support while you sort what it is for you, Shu.

I never got to experience a happy family, either. My father was mentally ill with untreated bipolar disorder and his mania took us overseas to be missionaries in a war zone because he thought God spoke to him. It turned out to be hell, not God.

I just woke up from dreaming I was a Jewish organizer behind German lines early in the Holocaust getting people out in the underground railroad. It's because I took my students on a field trip to the Holocaust Museum last week. The stories of their survival resonated with me. I'm amazed at how many escaped misery and near death in Europe and came to America to have good lives. I escaped from overseas and came here, too, so I want to be like them about it if I can. Work in progress, coming here every day for the support to make that happen.

Much support to you today, too.

I sympathize. Yes,you would definitely be happier if you had grown up in a healthy environment OR if you,and each family member of the core group,got individual therapy and then came together and got group therapy. Unfortunately that sort of thing ONLY resides in fantasy land with unicorns,leprechauns,fairies,etc.. You'd be better off not thinking about it(too much) because it'll just depress you(or depress you further if you're already depressed),tear you apart,and(possibly;if it goes on for too long) set you back at square 1 in your recovery. Instead,when this comes up,grab time to be with your Higher Power so that(H.P.) can comfort and ground you(even if all you can grab is 1-3min.s) and grab whatever comfort foods you happen to enjoy as well(like chocolate for example).

These comments have helped immensely! Thank you guys so much. I guess I just have to care for myself while I deal with this though.
Shu-