I enjoyed my first of retirement from 40 years of teaching today mostly but for that my kidney doctor found something in my blood work that made him wonder if I had more than plain CKD (chronic kidney disease).  CKD being chronic like our PTSD, it can't be cured.  But its progress can be stopped nd for 10 years I've done that.  A friend here on DS PTSD who aldo had CKD spoke of losing 84% kidney function and getting a transplant.  I, on the other hand, only lost 40% and avoided dialysis and any thought of a transplant, too.

But i have collapsed 4 times, and the collapses have gotten more frequent.   Since I live alone, my kidney doc was concerned about my moving to retire alone to Mexico on Wednesday My 19th.  He checked my blood work and ordered an ultrasound for my kidneys today before going.

I did it at the hospital today, and now I'm waiting for him to look at the ultrasound's images to tell me what'd what before I fly to Mexico on Wednesday.  I grew up there as a misionary kid, and for my whole 40 teaching career teaching psych courses I always taught Spanish on the side and traveled back every summer to be ready to go back once my work up here in the States was done.  I've rented a house down in Mexico and everything.

This unforeseen wrinkle can't be serious, right?  My best friend since 1982 retired down there before me last year and up and died of COVID-19 after just 3 days of being sick on March 13, 2020.  That literally killed half of my retirement plans right there, plans for me and my buddy together.  Lightning can't strike twice, so to speak, and hit me, too, now, just as it's my turn to retire, right?

As I await the ultrasound's results I'm choosing to live in healthy denial that it could be a tumor or anything more serious like that.  If you wouldn't mind supporting me in my denial until the kidney doc shares his news next week, I'd appreciate it.  I pertains to our shared PTSD recovery in that I got CKD in the first place from how a former psychiatrist overprescribed Seroquel for my PTSD nightmares. 

Please let me know if you can support my denial about having a tumor through this weekend until the kidney doc tells me what he sees next week.  I figure I am in a crisis but I might as well be in denial about it so I can enjoy this first weekend of retirement.  Sure was nice not to get up and teach class this morning!

Support welcome.