Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I am not sure how I am doing, at this present moment.
On the first note, I am sorry I have not been around here lately. I will not make any excuses so I just wanted to say that since the court date happened, I have not been able to really focus at all. It just seems all out of sorts and I am in that weave of sorts. I can not believe I did it. It still seems all new to me and I can not put any of the pieces together. It's a nightmare I can not seem to escape from.
Anywho, I find myself all inside out and it has taken such a huge toll on my life, period. It seems that as much good I want to take out from this whole ordeal, I am totally oblivious. Don't mistake my oblivion as ignorance. but I find that there is no rejoicing in seeing the abuser being punished right in front of you. I can still recall every single detail of my brother's body language, also not all of testifying on the stand. It seemed like being surrounded in the lion's den, to see if you will break.
I am not okay. I am not in the best state of mind. But, I am not confused nor fearing my future. I AM absolutely convinced that my life is ready for whatever comes my way. I will be starting classes this week in college, and I am terrified in knowing that I am facing all these changes without the support I really need. Thank you, God for this forum support group.
Please continue to pray for my family, including myself.
Psalm 38.
On the first note, I am sorry I have not been around here lately. I will not make any excuses so I just wanted to say that since the court date happened, I have not been able to really focus at all. It just seems all out of sorts and I am in that weave of sorts. I can not believe I did it. It still seems all new to me and I can not put any of the pieces together. It's a nightmare I can not seem to escape from.
Anywho, I find myself all inside out and it has taken such a huge toll on my life, period. It seems that as much good I want to take out from this whole ordeal, I am totally oblivious. Don't mistake my oblivion as ignorance. but I find that there is no rejoicing in seeing the abuser being punished right in front of you. I can still recall every single detail of my brother's body language, also not all of testifying on the stand. It seemed like being surrounded in the lion's den, to see if you will break.
I am not okay. I am not in the best state of mind. But, I am not confused nor fearing my future. I AM absolutely convinced that my life is ready for whatever comes my way. I will be starting classes this week in college, and I am terrified in knowing that I am facing all these changes without the support I really need. Thank you, God for this forum support group.
Please continue to pray for my family, including myself.
Psalm 38.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I had a notion that the vindication of my day in court would help, somhow. I ended up triggering all over the map until... Not too sure I have stopped yet and it has been decades. Is it Justice or just-ice?
Whatever...
Healing hopes as you work it out.
Now you know what some of us know, too, from experience. Punishing the evildoer doesn't turn back time. The man who molested me and my 5 elementary school friends got tried and convicted, as he deserved to be. He got sentenced to 25 years and went to prison, as he also deserved.
In prison, he was killed by an inmate, as happens sometimes with child molesters. When we victims heard about it, we were surprised that it didn't impact on our feelings much one way or the other. I feel a little ashamed as a Christian saying I didn't have more compassion for him, but on the other hand I didn't feel avenged, either.
It didn't make us whole. By accident, almost, we talked about that. Then we found that what healed us was talking to each other. Only we understood one another and the bizarre emotional journey we were on together.
That led me here, eventually, where many others understand. Please lean on us all you need to as college goes back in session. My college where I teach started back two weeks ago, and coming here helps me. Hope it helps you, Kat. Bit by bit, day by day.