I haven't been *in* any... but my grandfather, father, and younger brother have all been involved with them at one point or another. They have caused lots of problems for years and years including brain washing and financial problems (bankrupting). When we thought we got away (ran away) from the things my father and grandfather did to our family, my younger brother later then joined one. I thought, oh no not this again. But I've been warned that it can be generational. My younger brother stopped going after 3 years, but his mind is still a bit warped. They had brainwashed him to believe the apocalypse was soon coming, took all his money, he even quit his job, and gave up hope on life (thought there was no point in living if the world was ending), fell into a depression, etc. They would take them on these trips to the top of this mountain above the clouds once a month and he didn't say why. I used to wonder if they were waiting for God to show up?? Anyway, he is done with them but like I said, he still struggles. And his relationships with everyone have never been the same. He's always angry at us. We used to have a good relationship but now he never talks to me. He really scared me a few times and I thought I was going to lose him forever. I hate that place and wish someone would shut them down.

So what is your story?

Well, it's a hell of a long story I'll tell you that. And honestly, I could probably write a book about it, but just to give you a general idea...

I'm still paranoid about talking about it. I've been out for 5 years now and I'm still paranoid, guilt-ridden, feel isolated....

This place did brainwashing. (Of course, it's a cult). They have spies, which I've encountered. They have in life, and online spies. (I've had my experiences) If you get kicked out, you get shunned. My mom got kicked twice and her own brothers wouldn't even so much as look her way at their mother's funeral. They hate all groups. They think they worship like the first christians.
Also, if you get kicked out, they will harass you. They'll follow you, find your house, sit around, you can't go outside without them dogging you. Mom literally had to call the cops to get them to leave. Another thing they'll do is if someone gets the boot, they'll type up a letter and send it to that person. Shaming them. They'll also read a letter up front of the congregation. They can put anything they want in it and it's gospel.
They discourage going to any other college than WKU or Florida University. (I went to a different one out of spite. Plus I didn't want to go to WKU or FU). They discourage any sort of philosophy or world religion education and books.
They warp everything. And they had so many sermons "teaching" about other religions. Basically they were 5% fact and 95% HATE.

It took me 3 years to make an escape without getting kicked, shamed, harassed, and the "right" for people to shun me. But I still get cold shoulders. Lost my whole family basically. The whole fucking family. I've had my father say QUOTE "I'm going to hell because of you" and also simply QUOTE "You're going to hell". When I was young I heard the story of Abraham and Isaac going up the mountain and I asked dad "If God told you to kill me would you?" without any hesitation at all, he said yes.

I failed a few classes in school because I had so much work to do for the cult. That came before academics. I took up teaching a bible class with a bunch of 7 year olds so that they wouldn't be having the same kind of hateful shit that was being into my head when I was their age. I got pulled aside, shamed, and couldn't teach anymore because I wasn't doing it "the right way". (I was teaching the loving way. These people are full of hate). The kids sure as hell didn't want me to stop teaching.

Ever seen Game of Thrones? SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. They don't have confessionals, or believe that you confess your sins to God at home. No. You have to go up front and confess out loud, in front of everyone. Especially if you'd left on your own, or gotten kicked out and wanted back in. It was up to the Elders, Deacons, and the whole fucking congregation to decide whether or not you're "really" sorry.

When I was 9/10 years old, there was a baby boom and I was the oldest kid (the only kid) there. So all of a sudden I was pressured into being THE role model for them. Huge fucking pressure.

And also, if you didn't take the lords supper every sunday, you're unfaithful. if you didn't go 3 times a week, you were unfaithful. if you didn't do your readings and homework, you were unfaithful.

If you didn't go through the 6 steps to salvation, you were going to hell. Let's say I'm 7 years old and in that cult. I hadn't "come to age" yet, so I hadn't been baptized. I die in some accident. I'm going to hell.

I think I've read the bible cover to cover 4 or 5 times within 23 years in there. You know how long it takes to read that thing? And not only read it, but study it, memorize (basically, felt like) half of it.

They discouraged any challenging questions. Which, I had quite a few. I got stomped down real quick. Scolded, even.

So my family gives no shits about me anymore. They technically don't have the "right" to shun me because I did a very strategic move. I found away around their rules for leaving. Took years to pull it off, but I really didn't want my family to shun me. I couldn't stand that thought. So although they don't shun me, as in if they see me in the store they're still allowed to say hi. But would they say hi? no. I don't get invited to holidays. Which I'm actually fortunate to have a friend who last thanksgiving asked me what I was up to, I said nothing. Literally nothing. So she surprised me on thanksgiving on my doorstep to take me to her family's thing. I'll never forget that. It meant so much to me. Birthdays and holidays are meaningless.

Oh yeah and easter and christmas are the devil. Have chocolate and presents, but you'll get the "why [holiday] religious beliefs are sinful" bullshit. Musical instruments in service are the devil. Attending any other "church" than that one is the devil. Like once I went to a Baptist church. And I had fun!! It was a culture shock because people were dancing and happy and there were instruments and I sobbed when the preacher requested prayers for "brothers and sisters who are afflicted with addiction or incarcerated" because my mom got kicked out for drugs and jail the first time, the second time was drugs and adultery. And yes. they make all that shit public. But I told my dad I visited this church when I was in college and from how he sounded over the phone I thought he'd squatted and taken a shit right there.

So I had a mother in jail and addicted to drugs. And I had the rest of the family in a cult. All eyes were on me. "wonder how she'll turn out". When I was going through the second divorce, people would pull me aside and either question my mental state (didn't want a 'weak' soldier) or they'd tell me I was not allowed to ever speak to her again. Ever.

After these 6 years of being out, I'm STILL paranoid, I'm still guilty, I'm still worried and smothered and did I mention paranoid? Did I mention guilty? Still feel pressure to be perfect because I HAD TO BE PERFECT.


You know, I could go on and on, but I'm going to leave it here. I've got personal story after personal story...23 years worth of them. Here I am 29 years old and still afraid of Hell. And I don't even believe in Hell. And that makes me feel guilty. LOL there's no winning here.

My family was not in an unconventional religion that would usually be labeled a cult, but they didn't need an unconventional group to blend religion with their own mental illness to create a toxic mix. They started out just mentally ill, running to each other from families with histories of untreated bipolar disorder.

Then together they opted for the "geographical cure" instead of proper treatment. In their case, they got mainstream religion, became missionaries, and violated mainstream's religious norms in 4 war zones abroad over 30 years. Then they were finally found out and deported, defrocked, and sent back to the USA.

By then, I had been raised to adulthood from life as a war child put in extreme danger by mentally ill parents operating in religious delusions. My parents were by turns incompetent to avoid danger by not knowing the language where we lived or they added their untreated PTSD to their untreated bipolar disorder to become the danger themselves.

For example, once they drove our family car into an urban combat zone so it was hit by a bomb with us all inside. Another time they drove our family car into a flooded, rushing river out in the countryside.

So yeah, as the James Taylor song lyrics say, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. This went on from 1966 to 1996. When one war zone calmed down, they got themselves transferred to another hot war zone, 4 times in all. Today I believe mission boards deport missionary workers from such places.

Their church itself Stateside wasn't a cult so much as my parents turned it into one out beyond US headquarters supervision on the mission field until 30 years down the road their US superiors caught them and kicked them out. Lots of gaslighting, beatings, and all kinds of extreme behavior happened weekly in that setting. I ended up with PTSD from 3 trauma categories: combat, sexual assault, and domestic violence.

They committed fraud in reports back to headquarters in the USA to cover their misdeeds and to raise funds. At age 10 I found a box of newsletters in my dad's office once with photos of a little girl I knew. The newsletters claimed my dad had healed her blindness through his prayers. The truth was, I knew her as a playmate my age, and she'd never been blind in the first place.

It's a matter of public record that the Rev. Jim Jones didn't start out a cult leader, but a minister in the very respectable Disciples of Christ denomination before he led his church members to South America: "Jones was ordained as a Disciples of Christ pastor."https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Jones

There in Guyana he led his congregation eventually to drink poisoned kool aid in mass suicide. I won't mention my parents' denomination, but it's well respected in the US, too. My parents misled congregants in its name in 4 war zones in South America, too.

I grew up not to fear faith groups as much as to fear unaccountable faith groups. Until kidney disease ended my career and I had to take to teaching nursing students, I used my own traumatic past and PTSD recovery to become a hospital chaplain for years in two big city ER's. That way I could serve alongside scientists as a hospital employee safely accountable to the same supervisors as medical personnel.

Just speaking for myself, rather than heal from my trauma by proving there was no God, it was important to me to prove to myself that there could be belief in God that was not insane. Belief that could be comforting and complementary to science and reason. My hospital chaplaincy work did that for me--again, just speaking for me from my own personal experience.

However, if what you do mean by a cult is a group with unconventional belief systems, as I expect is likely, I do believe there are members here who were raised in those kind of traumatic religious settings, too.

Welcome, and much support to you.

mujicaptsd- Thank you. And thank you for sharing some of your experience.
You said:
"Just speaking for myself, rather than heal from my trauma by proving there was no God, it was important to me to prove to myself that there could be belief in God that was not insane. Belief that could be comforting and complementary to science and reason. My hospital chaplaincy work did that for me--again, just speaking for me from my own personal experience. "

I think that's brilliant. I do. And I admire the path you chose after an awful experience.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone here.

Question though: I'm sure you're not "over it". No one can ever fully get "over it", but how long did it take you to get to the point where you are today?