Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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This morning I was in the car with my grandmother and my brother. I was holding my hot coffee in one hand and trying to dig through my purse with the other.
Before you know it we bump over the train tracks and coffee goes all over my lap. Thankfully, by this very late hour of the night, the pain of what felt like a bad sunburn is mostly gone.
However at the time it was excruciating !
I screamed a horror movie-ish scream and started having a flashback to my sexual abuse.
Okay it sounds weird but my underwear saved me from getting burns *ahem* down there. It like, absorbed more coffee than my pants did. Anyway, it still hurt REALLY BAD to have hot coffee all over my lap ish area.
It burned and hurt and i went back to my abuse in an instant. I had to turn around and go home while my family had to go take care of things. Being home for those two hours alone was horrible.
I am 96 days cut free and I'm trying to stay that way. I really feel weird about this whole day and starting it that way was not ideal... I feel rather sd and scared of what is going on in my head. I wish I could explain how it feels. I feel like trying to think is comparable to trying to walk through quicksand right now. I don't know how to function like this.
How do you get past a day like this? When everything feels wrong and your mind feels like soup?
Before you know it we bump over the train tracks and coffee goes all over my lap. Thankfully, by this very late hour of the night, the pain of what felt like a bad sunburn is mostly gone.
However at the time it was excruciating !
I screamed a horror movie-ish scream and started having a flashback to my sexual abuse.
Okay it sounds weird but my underwear saved me from getting burns *ahem* down there. It like, absorbed more coffee than my pants did. Anyway, it still hurt REALLY BAD to have hot coffee all over my lap ish area.
It burned and hurt and i went back to my abuse in an instant. I had to turn around and go home while my family had to go take care of things. Being home for those two hours alone was horrible.
I am 96 days cut free and I'm trying to stay that way. I really feel weird about this whole day and starting it that way was not ideal... I feel rather sd and scared of what is going on in my head. I wish I could explain how it feels. I feel like trying to think is comparable to trying to walk through quicksand right now. I don't know how to function like this.
How do you get past a day like this? When everything feels wrong and your mind feels like soup?
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
I get through by crawling into my safest spot in my house (bed) and pulling asoft blanket around me and crying and watching Netflix and just breathing and breathing and remembering to breathe..... and coming here, petting my cat, using drawing to just cover paper in how I feel, however ugly and unformed it is.... I'll kick a pillow, scream into it, whatever I need....
Healing wishes,
Leo
Yeah, the rational side of the brain pretty much turns to mush when the other parts of it light up on fire. That's a good reason to take care of business on the good days. When days like this come, you have to coast downhill like on a bike. Just don't even peddle. Steering's hard enough.
The mush will solidify again and you'll be fully functional again. But yeah, not so much right now, so be gentle to yourself. Imagine it's as if you had a seizure, and you're recovering from a seizure. That makes it more visible to think about. Everybody respects a person's right to recover after a seizure, and you've been through something similar. Supportive vibes your way.
Hoping writing it out helped solidify things a bit. Hope you made it to 97 days cut free.
yadlim
What I have learned is that when I have a triggering event it is an opportunity to not only comfort myself in the present, but comfort that little kid inside as well.
When something like that happens, I have the kind adult in my head that takes charge and gets an ice pack for the burn and talks soothingly to that inner child. And, of course, take some time to care for yourself - anyone would need to do that.
Some doctors are using propranalol to prevent retraumatization from triggering events but from what I've heard it's sort of experimental at this point. Might be something to chat with your dr about.
You might also try EFT http://eft.mercola.com/
Some people also use EMDR.
Byron Katie also has a good book called "Loving What Is" with some good techniques in it.
I wonder if it's difficult to fight the cutting b/c that's self inflicted pain and now you are having pain that you did not intend. It's got to be quite a tug of war in your psyche.
I hope you feel better tomorrow on all levels.