Would prefer you rule it out. Our journeys to wellness take time, but healing does come. I've been where you are, and am glad I ruled it out during an IP treatment. Hugs.

Gentle hugs

Hugs

are you able to post pone this for a time, perhaps do somethng different for a bit. go somewhere different. i was once where you are now and i chose to go away for a bit first, just to take some time and look at things. take a rest, away by myself with different things to look at, the ocean - a change.

the time helped me, things were no longer so dark for me and i was grateful i had stepped away and waited.

hugs

I am hoping and praying you change your mind my friend~ hugs

Postponing had been my way out of being backed into that suicide corner, aspie, both for me and for others who have come to me about it. Trying to solve the whole big problem of life and death just brings on more anxiety and helplessness. You'd have be a god to solve that one.

Just postponing it for an hour for small stuff. Forgive my tastes in tv and music--fill in the blanks with yours--postpone to live to watch Jimmy Fallon's monologue on tv. Then postpone another hour to listen to Steely Dan because they're going out on tour this summer. Postpone to live for small things--not big things--small things you'd miss by not being alive.

Then postpone until tomorrow so you can have pancakes for breakfast, and just live for those pancakes until then. After breakfast, postpone and go for a walk. Postpone by deciding to have a hot dog for lunch, and plan what to put on it. Mustard? Relish? Onions?

Live for those small things and put off the big ones, because they are the ones we can't solve, so they overwhelm and depress us.

Do that long enough and you can string a life together. I've been doing it myself now for 18 years. I've been postponing since I spent 4 days in the hospital during my PTSD crash when I got divorced back in 2000. Being inside like that, just speaking for myself it seemed that nobody knew how to cure suicide--no doctor, no social worker, nobody. Just speaking for myself it was up to me just to find my own way to avoid the void. It seemed to me, and I could be wrong, that nobody had all the answers at all.

Just speaking for myself, it was terrifying at first for me to decide nobody on the planet really knew what they were doing in any ultimate sense. But then it became liberating that I was an amateur at living, because it seemed to me that nobody was a pro at it anyway. It was as if I got let in on a Zen joke about the meaning of the universe.

You're as good as anybody else at life, aspie, and as deserving of a life as anyone anywhere. I know you may not believe that right now, but if you envy other people and think they're walking around calm and with a sense of control you may be surprised to find they're just as anxious as you are about things. They're just not thinking about it all the time.

Try to distract yourself and postpone thinking about suicide by setting a little goal for yourself in a short amount of time--a tv show in an hour, music an hour after that, a food treat later, a walk. Nothing big, no big commitment, no solving anything. Just postponing and distracting yourself bit by bit. Little by little you train your brain, rewire it, to think about other stuff besides suicide. It's like quitting smoking to stop being addicted to death.

It's worked for me, like I said, for 18 years now. I actually turned my addiction to thinking about death into being a death and dying teacher now at a community college. I get paid to talk about it in 3 classes a day. Isn't that funny?

I hope this postponing little by little might work for you, too. If you decide to try it, let me know, ok?

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know you don't know me, but you can message me anytime. I know that when things are just that bad, you think ending your life is the best option but it's not. We all deal with things differently and sometimes we go through the same things but deal with it differently. We all suffer but at the end of the day, healing takes time; it's just a matter of how bad you want to get better. I don't know you but I want to help you as much as I can.

Thanks everyone. Im taking in what everyone is saying.

A life of Chronic pain is something that tends to make us keep our emotions buried deep down in our Soul; not allowing others in our comfort zone to love us, a feeling of dispair! I pray you find a person near and share a word or two of your life and realize you are not alone! Everyone here loves you and together with tears we can all help you get through this together! Please reflect on that you are not alone! Take time to trust letting others in your life to help when feeling overwhelmed and without a voice to be heard! Please write again and know you always have a safe place among friends who care!

Gentle hug..... This is a temporary place...... Hang on ....... It's good that you're reaching out sweetie....xo

Wow, there is a lot of great support on here. I see your taking it in. It's so great! I'm so relieved to see your still engaging. We don't know where you are at in life of what is causing you to come to this point.
mujicaptsd is right, you are worth it! you are just as special as anyone else. No person is more valuable than another in Gods eye, no matter what they have done good or bad. I know its very hard to come out of a pit and most of the time the pit can be to deep to get out ourselves. We need help. don't do this alone. Is it something that you can talk with a friend over or feel safe enough to talk on here? I hope that everyday gets better and better. Its great that you reached out, keep it up, you can get through this!