When the time is right, all the pieces will be there. It surely doesn't seem like a thing you should try to force. The negative replays and nightmares seem to be a pretty good indicator that you are not quite ready.

What about going for fun and companionship with friends for a while before you jump into dating?

Of course, this is coming from a woman who has been married for 33 years.

Gentle encouragement while you find your way through the maze.

Nothing triggers me more than the feeling of falling in love and the beginnings of intimacy. It's so vulnerable! I think just take it slow, really.

married almost 22 years to a guy I met at 18, so zero advice except to say....
in my therapy so far, the rule is, if it makes me trigger? b ack away.

i echo arfie. when the time and person are right....it will come.

Haven't dated in 4 years and represent another perspective, I guess, since it's been the best time of my life. I've dated or been married and in a relationship since I was 14. This 4 year period has been the best "me" time ever. I'm busy with friends I never would have had time for, since I usually would have put that time in being in a couple in my relationship or in dates.

So no pressure.

You all have offered some of the best insights and suggestions and I really appreciate it. I started dating very young and was always in a relationship until three years ago and it has been FANTASTIC to have a break. It just seems like I SHOULD be dating.

I think it's just force of habit to be in a relationship and I need to realize it's just fine to have friends and fun and NOT date at all.

Thank you!

" I need to realize it's just fine to have friends and fun and NOT date at all."
Hey... that's good advice from a very smart person, and I think you ought to listen to her :p

But the thing to remember about abusive people? They can only keep up the Ms or Mr nice person act so long.
If you do find someone worth overcoming your fear with? Take it VERY slow.

We all want you to be happy here.

I've been asked out several times and dated a little, since my divorce. I learned that it is okay to be picky, and if I have doubts or feel uncomfortable around someone, it's also okay to walk away. Now I'm at such a good place in my life, that I feel if I meet someone, that's fine, and if I don't, that's fine as well.

Since you are seeing men through our ptsd lens and now having nightmares, I would think that dating is not worth it.....yet.

Maybe if you just began getting out and doing things, on a more friendly note, rather than "dating" the pressure would be off, and you would become more use to being around men, without one on one scenarios, that are more intimate.

However you choose, I wish you the best and hope you find a good man, who will understand and treat you right.

Reed, popped back by to comment, yes, I met my hubby at 18---but we didn't date till I was 20. We were friends, just friends, who hung out and so on for a couple years.
So I LOVE that you commented about taking the time to just enjoy friends.

When I was somewhere around 10, my mom sat me down with my older sis (then 15) to explain to us very somberly and sternly, "You do NOT need a boyfriend to be a person!" (She was really aiming that at my sis, but it took root in *me*.)

So that's how I've always gone along---I didn't need a boyfriend. It'd have been nice a few times, but eh, I look at my friends, the heartaches and so on, and I think, "Wow, am I glad I didn't date just to be dating!" Too much dang drama. Pfft.

I truly appreciate all of your support and helpful answers. This is a tough time and your ideas are helping me get through.

Dates don't alway need to include the future plans of intimacy, if you take that out of your script, it may allow you enough to get to know the person, well enough to you can take fears off the table. That will help. I have a couple wingmen for movies and things, non sexual at all. But they know I am not ready, so no push, jealousy, anger is allowed, from me either.