Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I told my mom a couple months ago I have PTSD. I told her I was having trouble functioning and related it to a longtime friend of hers that was in a war and had PTSD. He was a basket case a lot.
She was like, "oh, do you need help with the car payment?"
That was it. Not were did it come from or how did you get it or anything.
I wrote a letter to describe the hell it was growing up with all the rape and torture from dad and his friends. And how that effects present day functioning. I took exerpts from a few science journals and Wikipedia to point out the lasting effects.
I was going to give it to her. There is no way I can sit down and talk to her about it. The anxiety wells up inside and I freeze. Plus I find every excuse not to talk to her about it. Oh, she is going on vacation don't want to spoil it. Then she gets back from vaca and I go visit her and she gets a call that one of her cousins just died. Can't bring it up then.
I don't want to ask her for any more money and there is no job prospects on the horizon. I am in a tough spot.
Anyway, what I need help with is finding a way to tell her about it so she quits thinking I am just being a bum and not working.
I also want to tell my kids and a couple friends but I keep chicking out. I get anxiety and overwhelmed at the thought. I am embarrassed to tell about the rape and torure. Like it makes me not human or something.
I have written and then rewritten the letter. It is still not right. I am going to revise again. I thought about just dropping 6 letters in the mail to all of them and driving out of town for a month to a friend's in Los Angeles.
Uggghhhh...
This is getting old. I want to function again. I want to make lots of money again. I want to not live in a friend's basement. I don't want my car repossessed, and I don't want all the phone calls from bill collectors.
She was like, "oh, do you need help with the car payment?"
That was it. Not were did it come from or how did you get it or anything.
I wrote a letter to describe the hell it was growing up with all the rape and torture from dad and his friends. And how that effects present day functioning. I took exerpts from a few science journals and Wikipedia to point out the lasting effects.
I was going to give it to her. There is no way I can sit down and talk to her about it. The anxiety wells up inside and I freeze. Plus I find every excuse not to talk to her about it. Oh, she is going on vacation don't want to spoil it. Then she gets back from vaca and I go visit her and she gets a call that one of her cousins just died. Can't bring it up then.
I don't want to ask her for any more money and there is no job prospects on the horizon. I am in a tough spot.
Anyway, what I need help with is finding a way to tell her about it so she quits thinking I am just being a bum and not working.
I also want to tell my kids and a couple friends but I keep chicking out. I get anxiety and overwhelmed at the thought. I am embarrassed to tell about the rape and torure. Like it makes me not human or something.
I have written and then rewritten the letter. It is still not right. I am going to revise again. I thought about just dropping 6 letters in the mail to all of them and driving out of town for a month to a friend's in Los Angeles.
Uggghhhh...
This is getting old. I want to function again. I want to make lots of money again. I want to not live in a friend's basement. I don't want my car repossessed, and I don't want all the phone calls from bill collectors.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
You do know it's totally not your fault, right?
I know you're not just a bum. I know you're a human being. I know you're doing the very best you can do right now.
...I can tell you it passes, that's all I know.
Is there anything I can say or do to make this part less horrible for you?
The letters will never be perfect. Stop revising and just send. But then be prepared for her to still not get it.
I can't give advice on your money issues, but I do hope you find a way out.
Hugs.
My oldest son (33) and I are in a similar boat, I think. I am the one with the official PTSD dx. He just summarizes it with hate quotes from his HS crowd. "My mother is _____." "You just think_____." He is quite verbose with his condemnations in this mode. Inserting my personal perceptions only throws gas on the fire.
His dx is narcolepsy and it is, indeed an obstacle to his financial independence, but there is only so much I can do to help him sort it out. "Lazy bum" is not on my list of summaries for his condition, but he is convinced it is. I am incredibly tired of trying to get my personal thoughts through his projections of what I am thinking. We have been having the same conversation since Jr High when his falling asleep in class started bringing faculty perspectives into the chaos.
I dream of one day having actual, two-way dialogues on the subject. The kind where each of us has their own thoughts and perspectives on the challenges of our own lives and the effects of their mixing. Even old mothers gotta have their dreams. I ain't holding my breath on this dream, though. It is what it is.
Just my perspective from my own life. Sorry so long.
Hope you find your way on your own. It is tough stuff. You are not alone.
I think people absorb more in a letter than in conversation..anyways.
I thik while we're talking face to face most people are only paying like 40% ate...In a letter is more like 90% atte.
We want our families to support us, but they are often not personally interested/capable of doing so.
Perhaps your focus should be on getting professional intervention for yourself for the issues interfering with your employment, and not at present be so focused on her or other peoples' reactions. Besides you already told her once, if she wanted to be supportive emotionally she would have stepped up then.
Besides you are so concerned w/ not bumming her out when she is involved with other things. I don't understand what that is about. You are her son. She does not appear either super fragile nor to be royalty.
Just my opinion.