I'm so tired. Two days ago I passed a test with a lot of needles pushed into my feet and legs to find out how far my nerve damage has gone. I found out I don't feel anything up to the tops of my socks, but I can still drive. That's great, but it was a stressful test, though. The nerves in my feet are numb but today the nerves in my head are PTSD tired from the stress even though it turned out well.

Today I hoped to teach my Friday classes and come home to rest, but it was not to be. A student had a death in the family, so they came crying to me. I thought that was my quota of giving comfort for the day, but right after that another student came to me crying because her doctor chose to use a phone call to tell her she has cancer. Insensitive doctor. So she cried in my office for an hour over lunch time. Then a student told me about being raped as a kid by her mom's boyfriend, and I got to steer her toward here at DS PTSD.

After lunch I spent all afternoon after that in a meeting with my fellow community college instructors working on writing next year's college catalog. There was a long discussion of whether to say "emphasis upon" or "emphasis on." After talking today to students about a death in the family and getting cancer and recovering from child rape, I couldn't relate. At another meeting people were talking about their vacations in Cancun and the parties they were going to attend this weekend. There I could relate less.

Sunday I speak at a church again. I'd like to inspire, but I'm tired. All of my adult life I've resisted the temptation to give in to my childhood idea that some of us are golden boys and girls who live stress free, and some of us seem to get our extra portion of stress. But today my adult self is tired and that childhood idea is taking over. That's not great for my PTSD, so anyone who'd like to remind me of my more balanced adult view is very welcome to do so. I'm tired.

I know others are, too.