I can't bring myself to give any info even to strangers but I can write a journal and nobody will care. give it a try? and something I just learned yesterday is when you write a journal you can change it to private or friends instead of everyone reading it.

i have learned to talk about it but i don't know what it is. i only have suspicions. i try to talk as much as i can in the hopes that the talk will trigger a memory- even a tiny strand - something that i'll scream to everyone and become liberated. i can understand your not wanting to tell. i often feel shame. i don't want to be me. i think this is a great place to talk about these things. there are a lot of people with similar experiences who do need to talk about it and here without even telling, there is a good chance everyone can figure it out. so it is like it has already been told. i hope you get comfortable with the idea of talking about it and it begins to make you feel better.

Welcome. Please feel free to express yourself here, either privately as dash suggested or on the board. You can share as much or as little as you feel ready to, but if you are going to talk about things that may be triggering to others, please put TW (trigger warning) in the title.

I understand not wanting to be seen as a victim. Generally we use the term "survivor" here, because we are all survivors first and foremost.

Everyone thinks that others had it worse, but there's no comparing pain really. Your pain is as legitimate as anyone else's. If you lost a hand and someone else lost an arm, your injury wouldn't hurt any less because you knew about the other person, right? An injury is an injury.

Therapy really helped me, q, because there's a healing principle about words themselves: "repetition brings mastery." The first time you speak the unspeakable to your therapist in the privacy of your therapist's office is hard. You think the earth is going to quake and open up and swallow you. You shake from sobs.

But then, as you go on getting it all out, every time it's a little less hard. Until eventually you come here and repeat your story in this safe space over and over. Every time it loses its power over you and you become a little more free.

I really recommend a good PTSD therapist. He changed my life.

welcome quietwords.....I am glad that your here on DS. I am a survivor as well & understand how hard it is to talk about it. You made a courageous choice to start talking about what happened to you. It takes time. Are you seeing a therapist? Are you getting any help?

KneeDeep No, I never have talked to anyone about this, If I see a therapist, I wouldn't want any member of my family finding out about it, they would ask questions.

In my earliest years the abuse came from within the family and in close relatives. I was hushed and punished if I spoke of it. Some made a decided point not to protect me and let the abuse continue. It was also a time when what happened in the home stayed in the home. I was a victim, because I was way too small to do anything to stop it.
When we use that word it is self validating, it means that we can see we did nothing to deserve this or those actions. It helps to break a cycle of self blame that is an easy trap to fall into.. We find too easy to fall into the thinking that we somehow contributed to it or brought it on. Or could have stopped it.
But picking up a 2-3 year old and knowing that there is no way they could have stopped anyone is a start to releasing that fear and affects of the abuse.
I survived but it took a long time to mentally comprehend that. I went silent until it became habit. But I did survive, so I am here a survivor.

Welcome quiet-words,I hope you find courage with us.
Jewell

Welcome to the forum, Quite. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

My early anonymous forums were pre-internet. Nobody knew my name, but they could see my face and body language. Girl, howdy, it took me a long time to open up, but it was still easier for me to open up there than with a therapist who had my name, address, etc. It was peer support that helped me led me to and helped me navigate the winding, big-word mazes through the pro-ways of pro-therapy. All these years later, I still find the anonymity relaxes me more than I can say.

Welcome aboard. Hope you find healing companionship here.

Quietwords here are some numbers that might help you find a therapist.
I understand your need of privacy and therapy at least for me is private. I started here on DS,then found a therapist. Take care

USA: Nat'l. Center For Missing & Exploited Children: 1-800-THE-LOST (5678)
USA: Childhelp (Child Abuse): 1-800-4ACHILD (4453)
USA: Nat'l. Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
USA: Safe Horizons Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
USA: RAINN Nat'l. Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
USA: Nat'l. Center on Elder Abuse: 1-800-677-1116
USA: National Runaway Switchboard:1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or text: 66008
UK: Women's Aid Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Global directory of abuse hotlines / resources

KneeDepp I don't feel ready yet, but I will consider to find a therapist. thank you

thank you to everyone who has commented, I really appreciate it

very soft, not scary hugs