This is a tough one. My therapist tells me to challenge my thoughts, to distinguish between a snake and a stick so to speak. I haven't had much luck with it honestly, but couldn't hurt to try. hugs

I completely understand what you are saying. My dad is behind bars but i still have to make sure the doors are locked each night. And even then its not enough at times to keep the panic at bay that he will show up.

hi, Emily. i'm not sure if they can, but maybe your therapist can find out if they can let you know before he gets out of jail? sometimes they do that for people who may need to know. they did something like that for me.

gentle hugs, xo

I check the doors every night to make sure they are locked.

I've never been through something like this. I have been stalked before though. this guy that i went to school with I was friends with for 2 years and he became obsessed with me would not stop calling me, skyping me and even when I blocked him he made fake accounts and would message me and even at school when we still went to the same school teachers had to help keep him away from me and actually tell him to stop messaging me. once he left the school and the teachers couldn't do much about it anymore he did it off and on for 3 years and then in 2015 i told him that i would call the cops if he didn't stop haven't heard from him since. the point i'm making is that I still get scared a lot that he'll contact me again, unknown numbers, unknown skype names freak me out cause I always think it's him and at one point I did get scared that he might show up at my door even though he never threatened that or got to that point but he harassed me constantly to the point where i cried all the time and my friends had to step in and help as well. And I'm in EMDR therapy right now that's really helping with all this stuff of getting over being scared of this I would suggest trying EMDR Therapy. if you don't know what it stands for it stands for (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) It's for reprocessing negative memories and trauma. I know that when someone harassed you in anyway or hurt you it can leave you feeling scared and if you ever need to talk you can message me just stay close with your friends and talk with them when you need to cause having friends will help you get through all this stuff as well. Don't be afraid to talk about it. It is totally normal to feel scared and on edge even after he's behind bars. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Just remember your not alone.

Hi Emily. Welcome to the forum.

In my own therapy network, that lingering fear and anxiety is called, "Hyper-vigilance." Theories abound about ^it^ but I favor the theory that it is hard-wired to our survival instincts. A case of natural design carried to unhealthy extremes.

What to do about it varies greatly, from one person to the next. My own case is extreme and varies from one episode to the next. I have an entire drawer of my psychotherapy toolbox dedicated to managing my hyper-vigilance. It is snotty, knotty stuff. . .

For many, myself included, ^it^ is not safe neighborhood to travel alone. Have you approached anybody about trauma counseling? If not, family doctors, school officials and community centers are among the many good places to start.

Whether any of that fits your case, or not, welcome to the forum. Share freely. Share often.

My dysfunctional family members are my main original abusers. I go to church regularly in a healthy way. For them church was used. With it they hid their untreated bipolar mental illness. Two of them perpetuated abuse through church as symptoms of it. Eventually they got caught in financial fraud scandal in church and kicked out. A few former parishioners still are a little fan base of theirs, though, buying into what are clearly lies saying they're innocent.

I explain that to say that it resulted in how I got stalked a few years ago. When the college teaching job I have was new to me in 2011, I didn't realize what I had done by accepting it. I had moved 1,500 miles to within range of my dysfunctional family's little die hard fan base. By sheer coincidence, one of their die hard fans was a new coworker of mine.

My dysfunctional family knows full well after their scandal they're under orders to leave me alone just like they're under travel restrictions. However, this die hard fan coworker of mine decided to be their eyes and ears in their place. I started getting unwelcome phone calls, emails, and visits from this guy.

It was intimidating, because he taught criminal justice at my college after retiring from a career in, of that things, THE FBI!!! Holy cow!!!! My PTSD got triggered badly, my PTSD hyper vigilance was on red alert everywhere I went day and night.

So I got a lawyer, got my boss and my college Human Resources office together, and made it clear by law that it was to stop. The guy tested me on it once or twice after that. When in one last phone call to me, though, I lowered the boom on him about stalking me and what was going to happen if it didn't stop, he quit. It wouldn't look good for a criminal justice instructor like him to end up in jail.

Emily, I tell that story to say to reach out for any protection you think you need to feel the safety you deserve. You deserve to go through the world in safety, you really do, especially after what folks like us went through that left us with PTSD. Let us know how we can support you here so you take whatever steps necessary. I've felt safe in the years since, and you should feel safe, too.

Hi dear, sorry to know that you are going through so much. Please don't blame yourself for it was not your fault. Are you talking to a counsellor or therapist with regards to this anxious feeling that you have from time to time??

It seems to me you might have PTSD but I'm not an expert so cannot say for sure. It might be worth considering talking to one so that they can teach you some coping techniques should that anxiety arises again. Be well and take care. Praying for you.

Trigger alert ************ This may not be for everyone to read *********************************** *******************
I went to a domestic violence counselor for a year and she helped me with so many techniques to survive the first year. The first thing I did was to get put an alarm system in my home/outside and high security locks on doors and windows. The ASSA lock was the best one for me as only I had the key, it could not be copied. I also had a chain lock that I could lock from outside. I worked on my escape plan, which was I had my to-go bag with an extra set of keys in it. I found a neighbor that could be trusted and I let her know what was going on. I carried on my key chain a large whistle and a small canister of pepper spray. I put pepper spray by each door inside. My walk-in closet was large enough for a single bed and that is where I slept for a year, that was my safe room. I figured that if my perp came looking for me he probably wouldn't look in a closet. Ask for a protective order not a restraining order, there's a difference there. I also contacted the US post office and provided my protective order and that way they gave me a post office box number that was protected. Also, if you vote, you can provide the protective order and they will eliminate your name and address from the public records there, same with your library cards, utility bills, etc. All this and more can be provided to you if you utilize help thru a domestic violence center. I know pretty much the feelings you are having, been there myself. My experiences get triggered still to this day and I have to go back to a domestic violence counselor over the years to help calm the PTSD symptoms. Just knowing that there is a team approach to help protect me is all I needed to reduce the symptoms. There is help out there, reach out to your local police dept to and they can be very resourceful for you.