Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Since I went to the ER Friday for an ankle sprain, I've stayed in with my leg elevated today so it'll heal enough so as not to miss teaching classes this week. That left me more isolated than even my usual hermit self. The coverage of the Paris terrorist attacks have been on TV.
Reminiscent of my youth that gave me the PTSD that brought me here. In 1970-71 alone my hometown of Montevideo had 41 terrorist attacks by the Tupamaro urban guerrillas. I was 13 years old that year. Here's a list.
http://www.start.umd.edu/gtd/search/Results.aspx?
page=1&casualties_type=&casualties_max=&perpetrat
or=623&count=100&charttype=line&chart=overtime&
ob=GTDID&od=desc&expanded=yes#results-table
I've kicked myself often for not being able to "get over" that period in my life. I ended up collapsing in 1972 at age 14 and being put in the hospital for "stress" for the first time, my first treatment for PTSD. I've done 12 years of weekly therapy and meds for it as an adult, and wrote and published a book on it, but none of that got it out of my head.
It contributed to 2 divorces for me, too. Not because I was abusive verbally or physically at all. To the contrary, I was aloof, I was always traumatized to some extent. My impression is that living with that all the time was just a boring drag. I can understand that, it's been a drag for me, too. I'm a nice, funny, smart guy apart from these terror attacks I carry around in my head. That's who both spouses married, until they realized my terrorist ghosts were baggage that was there all the time, too. I guess the only way those terrorist ghosts will be totally released will be when I die.
Looking at the images of Paris and looking at that list of 41 terror attacks in my hometown of Montevideo, though, I can forgive myself a little more for how permanent those are in my mind. I mention the car bombing I was in here a lot, but there were many terrorist attacks. And they went on for 6 years, not just the one. That year 1970-71 is just the worst year.
My parents were terribly affected. From 1971-1973 the family moved 5 times, my mother had a breakdown and ended up in a hospital in Ecuador, and my parents separated for a year and a half. They never got PTSD treatment, though, and in 1973 my father moved back in with us and was violent ever after.
Those numerous terrorist attacks took a toll on life, that's for sure even today 40 years later. Wish I could forget. So sorry for the people of Paris now. They won't be able to, either.
Reminiscent of my youth that gave me the PTSD that brought me here. In 1970-71 alone my hometown of Montevideo had 41 terrorist attacks by the Tupamaro urban guerrillas. I was 13 years old that year. Here's a list.
http://www.start.umd.edu/gtd/search/Results.aspx?
page=1&casualties_type=&casualties_max=&perpetrat
or=623&count=100&charttype=line&chart=overtime&
ob=GTDID&od=desc&expanded=yes#results-table
I've kicked myself often for not being able to "get over" that period in my life. I ended up collapsing in 1972 at age 14 and being put in the hospital for "stress" for the first time, my first treatment for PTSD. I've done 12 years of weekly therapy and meds for it as an adult, and wrote and published a book on it, but none of that got it out of my head.
It contributed to 2 divorces for me, too. Not because I was abusive verbally or physically at all. To the contrary, I was aloof, I was always traumatized to some extent. My impression is that living with that all the time was just a boring drag. I can understand that, it's been a drag for me, too. I'm a nice, funny, smart guy apart from these terror attacks I carry around in my head. That's who both spouses married, until they realized my terrorist ghosts were baggage that was there all the time, too. I guess the only way those terrorist ghosts will be totally released will be when I die.
Looking at the images of Paris and looking at that list of 41 terror attacks in my hometown of Montevideo, though, I can forgive myself a little more for how permanent those are in my mind. I mention the car bombing I was in here a lot, but there were many terrorist attacks. And they went on for 6 years, not just the one. That year 1970-71 is just the worst year.
My parents were terribly affected. From 1971-1973 the family moved 5 times, my mother had a breakdown and ended up in a hospital in Ecuador, and my parents separated for a year and a half. They never got PTSD treatment, though, and in 1973 my father moved back in with us and was violent ever after.
Those numerous terrorist attacks took a toll on life, that's for sure even today 40 years later. Wish I could forget. So sorry for the people of Paris now. They won't be able to, either.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
Such terrible things to live through Muji and so sad anyone has to experience such violence to be carried entire lifetimes. I am sorry you have to live with such triggers as the violence seems to escalate.
Supportive thoughts to you and maybe a good positive movie or documentary would sooth you while you rest your feet.
Which does nothing your burden, nor the newly formed burdens in Paris and everywhere else in the world new cases of PTSD are being created as I type. May the circle of violence, hatred and shame one day be broken. . .
Healing hopes for all, no exceptions.
How 'bout some gentle shows instead of CNN?
Doo and arfie, yeah, I binge watched episodes of the new Hawaii 5-0 on Netflix. Book 'em, Danno!
Alice, I don't know how the load gets lighter, but I do love it that you asked. It means a lot for someone to want to. Reminded me of that song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." Thank you.
Cecil, rest, yeah. Thinking about this stuff wore me out. I took a long Sunday couch nap.
SC, thanks for reminding me that since I can't unload these experiences I try to teach from them, yes. I'm no Buddhist, but I'm trying to do the Christian version of using bad experiences for good. Buddhism calls it "tonglen."
From Google: "Tonglen is a meditation practice for cultivating love and compassion. It is a gentle, step by step process of opening the heart. By embracing, rather than rejecting, the unwanted and painful aspects of experience, we overcome fear and develop greater empathy for others."
I know it sounds all goofy and transcendently magical and mystical up there with leprechauns and unicorns, but I desperately need to believe in it to live with these terrorism memories in my head.
I think it's because we know we're not just doing the usually hand wringing people out in the offline world do, just griping. We gripe like anyone else, but we do more than that because in one way or another we've endured some kind of terrorism ourselves, whether it was family violence, sexual assault, combat, whatever it was.
So it means more to me to say something here, knowing how it's really heard, and it means more to hear what is said back to me. Here what is said comes from real experience and endurance. I noticed as I went through my day that people where I teach brought it up, but no one talked about it with the depth I find here.
Thank you for being a community of friends who have endured violence and can help me process my feelings when new acts of violence around us happen. It means so much to me.
I was hoping you were doing well. Its very distressing.
I really to having to escape any way any how.
It affects me a lot to see the pics but I still see them..
How could you ever get over having lived that. Be kind to yourself.
So many people are going to be traumatized for life.
Be gentle with yourself for just having survived that.
cyber-hugs