Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
This weekend has proven to be the toughest yet. I am on the verge of completely letting go and trying to find the strength to move on from my boyfriend. His PTSD is proving difficult for me to handle and his hesitating to get help doesn't make it any easier. No matter how many times I bring it up, he always has an excuse. I explained that if he really wants this realtionship to work out, he must find a way, just as I will and have been doing. I feel that I have given him so much, with pretty much nothing in return. Yesterday I caught him doing something behind my back. I know if it would have been the other way around, it wouldn't have been so easy to get us back. When I confronted him about the issue, he blew up and said hurtful things, as he always does. I gave him some time and after about an hour he tried to explain himself and asked what he can do or say to make the situation better. I told him he needs to get help because I am getting tired. I told him that I cannot continue to fight this alone and he either needs to start fighting with me or we need to move on from each other. He says he will do better, but my faith has started to diminish. I am going to see how this next week goes, I am praying it goes well. Otherwise, It will be time to move on.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
You may want to check out Codependency forms and sites. If you don't set up firm boundaries and hold him accountable, he'll walk all over you. He doesn't get a free pass to treat you like crap. That would be insulting to all of us on here.
(Hope people don't mind I spoke on behalf of us.)
Stay strong. Hugs.
As a sufferer... During the early years of my marriage, my husband considered himself too perfect to ever need help and any friction whatsoever in our relationship was just cause for what eventually developed into a routine I came to call, "Driving wifey to help." The net result was to shut him out of my struggle entirely. He was much better at being right than being helpful. Rocks of rightness in a cesspool only splash up lots of fecal matter. Quotes from the obvious are right but they are far from helpful. At best they are righteously degrading. I eventually started to play along with my husband's "Driving wifey to help" routine and the professionals he was driving me to started treating him like the one who needed help. When he started accepting that help, he started to look more like an ally than an avenging angel. Now he tells me, "I love you in spite of my perfections."
But, you are only dealing with a boyfriend. Might be wise to just cut your losses now before it gets any deeper for either one of you.
Gentle support, whichever way you take it.
We did separate for awhile because I couldn't deal with the drain it had put on me.
He had gotten real help and things were going well, till tried to take his life. We r still together and its a work in progress...
The most important thing I can do for you is support.
He has to seek help for him, if he seeks it for you it won't work.
That said, do not stand for being blown up or yelled at or emotionally beaten and especially not physically hit. This is not your problem, it is his. You can help him with it IF HE WANTS you to, but only if he wants to get better. Couples counseling through a church I have found to be the best. I have gone to family counseling through the VA and that helped, but boy that Priest (?) from the church was the best counselor I have ever had.
It might be best to take a break. Back off, let him see what his life is without you and if he is willing to put the effort into himself to bring you back into his life.
hugs - you can love him, but still protect yourself at the same time. Sometimes you have to turn something loose in order for it to truly be yours.
yadlim