I don't blame you for your anger and all I can say is, be patient with yourself.

And who cares if your therapist is happy? Let him live what you've lived and see how he does. It's good if trying to meet his expectations gets you to take better care of yourself, but never forget, that's for you, not for him. He's just a supporting actor in your life - you are the star.

As for your neighbor, it sounds like you know where it's at with her and you know why you choose to or need to have her in your life right now. Why not just own that instead of kind of blaming yourself for it and kind of blaming her for it? She is who she is and she serves a need right now. You have the power to choose to have her in your life and you're entitled to make that choice if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

As for what that person said to you about being a Christian ... see, this is what gives Christians a bad name! Puke!

Regular driver?

Public health services are being run ragged. They may have needed to come early because of some other demand put on their services, because it was a new driver trying to start off early because she/he goes a bit slow, a bus out of service or a driver that called off so they were trying to get fewer drivers to take more rides.

If it's a regular driver, the only advice I can really offer is to ask them to call 30-45 minutes ahead of time if they're going to be there early. Then you have time to be ready.

Hate to say it, but with more and more cutbacks to social services...I expect it's going to get worse before it gets better.

Patti- I have to call 48hrs in advance to make a reservation. I understand they are understaffed and the demand is great. But that doesn't take away my frustration towards this company. TAPS is Texoma Area Paratransit Services. They are not a public health service. I pay for my trips. They are just like any other metro bus service. Anyway... It's very frustrating at times. Today is one of those times. I was just trying to vent.

Sounds like time for anger channeling. What's in your toolbox? I have an especially large anger channeling drawer in my toolbox if you need some suggestions.

Vent it, good buddy, vent it.

Yo yo, I'm around the same boat,

I'm bipolar, JUST literally decided to rebuild my life with Christ and I'm telling you I feel like I saw a demon or the devil the other day, talking smack because I wanted to serve Him again.

God is real, but besides that VERY important point, I also am in need of friends who understand me.

It seems that now that I've decided to get back into Christ it's become even lonelier than before, but nevertheless, He still is there.

I'm sure that person that told you to "live like someone died for you" REALLY got under your skin, BUT you have to realize that Christ isn't just flowers and daisies, He's a tough guy that will tell you the hurtful stuff because life hurts, and He's very honest.

He may have rubbed you wrong, but he was right in what he said (your friend)

I have been very lonely and sad lately but I have been praying almost incessantly because (I know it's hard to get into it) Christ said to stir OURSELVES up to prayer.

Think about if you've ever had trouble peeing or urinating. I have had trouble before all my life, but once I can just get the smallest bit out, it usually starts to flow.

Think about this in reference to stirring yourself up to prayer, I mean speaking out loud the things of The Lord over and over and over and over again.

Once you start, it will start flowing out I can't promise but I am pretty sure it will happen.

Ex. (How I pray) "Father, You said that if I come to you in my time of need that you will come to those who have cried out to You, You have not given me a spirit of fear but a spirit of Power and Love, and if I do fear, I will run into You as you are a Strong Tower, Father I ask that you continue to quicken my spirit so that I may know You more, for you said that if You start a work that You will finish, for You keep your covenants with those who you have made them with..."

This can go on and on and on and on and on until you stop, but truly, it does work as long as you continue to profess things you have found in The Bible, and make sure that you DON'T make any promises within your prayers, such as "I will praise you tomorrow" because that is a covenant, and if you don't fulfill it, you've sinned.

This is why Christ said let your yeses be yeses and your no's be no's, He just made it a lot less complicated haha Praise The King of Kings.

I hope this helped and let me know if you'd like to talk more about anything, I'm here for anyone who needs someone.

When you don't feel like praying anymore, you can still vocally praise Him by repeating over and over and over again, I Praise You, I Praise You, I Praise You, I Praise You, I Praise You.

If it's difficult, you can say I Praise You in the storm, I Praise You in the storm, I Praise You in the storm, I Praise You in the storm, I Praise You in the storm, I Praise You in the storm.

That should help, let me know!

OK, Kingcrown, you don't know me at all. Everything you just said made me irritated more. I was severally abused in the church. I was SRA (Spirituality Ritually Abused) from age 3 to 14. The FBI is currently investigating these SRA groups in several Methodist churches across my home town state.
My brother is a UMC Reverend, my twin is a UMC pastor who is commissioned and on her way to becoming a Reverend. My father is a biblical counselor and my younger sister is the praise team leader at her church.
I know all about the church, forward and backwards. I've read the entire Bible at least twice and had a very strong relationship with Jesus for a long time. My history is unique. I am still a Christian and pray on a regular basis.
I'm in the process of healing a very very very wounded soul.

Arfie-
I'll be using my rolled up yoga mat and hit my bed with it over and over while screaming as loud as I want.

Hey, sorry you're having a hard time I always keep you in my prayers. That being said I also want to add that in my personal opinion, I don't understand why someone wouldn't just be kind and compassionate or even motivational to you if you're having a hard time. I found it a little disheartening that someone told you "you have no reason to be depressed" thats not for them to judge or tell you how you feel, that's discrediting your feelings. It triggers me when people use religion to shame or guilt people. I feel if anything religion or spirituality should be a safe kind good healing thing. I don't agree with the fact that Christ would shame someone for hurting? Reading some of the replys in here triggered me.

Hope you're doing okay at this moment ((((hugs))))))

I very much agree with lilmissy. I feel triggered by that stuff too and don't want to read it here.

What a rotten transportation hassle, PP. I'd be tied up in knots about it. Reliable coming and going is essential to my feeling like a person with the freedom and the empowerment to go about my business. That's hard enough for me to stay motivated to do on my own. I can only imagine how hard it would be to take care of my business if I had to call others 48 hours in advance and then they didn't follow through.

As to your neighbor, what a bummer to have someone borrow $85 bucks leaving you to know you might well never see it again. That's a chunk of money.

Vent away. Oh, and you know I stand with you in faith, too, as someone who still believes in spite of having gotten PTSD via church people. Strength and support to you all around, PP. You hang in there, and you vent all you need to.

Thank you guys! I needed this support today. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going everyday. Big hugs to all of you.

xoxoxo
PPW

Yoga mat on the bed frame. . . I LOVE IT!!! Can I paint a face on it for you? The arrogant vegan yoga instructor who turned me off of veganated yoga for life comes to mind. . . Take that, you snotty food worshiper!

Vent it, good buddy, vent it. SMACK!!!!

So glad, PP. You go, girl. We're in your corner.

Arfie and Muji
It worked wonders. My arms a little sore. But it's all good.
My neighbor is backing off and has payed me back ¼ of what she owes me.
I'm exhausted.