For me, if they've lied time and time again, I wouldn't be able to trust anything they said anymore. And to be able to trust them again, it'd take a lot of effort on their part, of showing me that I can trust them again.

And it kind of seems like that's how it goes when people lie, they don't really think of the outcome nor do they intend to hurt the person that they're lying to. Sorry this happened to you, blue (Hugs)

I'm also sorry you have been lied to. I have been thinking this post over for a bit. It would be difficult for me to "respond" without questioning the extent of the truth to it in future cases, especially if it was something important and subsequently lied in addition to it.

Although we might not mean harm, 90% of most lies are to protect ones self in most cases. I don't think most people think about the consequences.

Gosh, tough call sweetie. Did they say why they lied? If I felt I had to be a detective with someone I thought I could trust I would have my answer.

Hugs

I've heard the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour and in the case of cheats and liars it's best to be cautious.

Sorry you were lied to. It sounds like you were hurt too. I suppose don't trust them.

Not hurt at the lie, and my felt sense told me they were lying then, too.
More just...confused. Though I am angry at the whole thing, as she does not communicate needs and desires directly. She guilts.

She claims to be telling me what her feelings are, but her behavior does not sync with what I'm being told...and if what my felt sense is telling me is right, I think the romantic side of the relationship is probably toast.

If the way I read things is right, she is going to feel more and more devalued and afraid as time goes on. I'm poly. I think she is always going to feel that's because she's inadequate somehow, and she's always going to crave exclusive ownership of me.
( Ownership's a mean word to use...and maybe not fair. But I am mad.)

I...feel terribly guilty to have gotten involved in her life in the first place. Yes, I love her. I love her a lot, otherwise her guilting me wouldn't work anyway. But my guy and I are getting more serious. I think that she will feel insulted by that, like the two of them are in some kind of contest. It's not a contest!

My felt sense is that I am doing her damage by being in her life, even though she desperately wants me to stay, and I really want to stay.

:(
I

I'm not good with understanding relationships or people. Sorry you're feeling mad and bad.

I don't understand poly situations, so it's diffiuclt for me...

I don't think she's lying; I think her brain and heart are telling her two different things, and she's torn.

Sounds like that's the calculated risk of these types of situations... They get messy. Monogamous relationships are difficult enough; this is WAY more complex. Don't know how to do it...

Good luck.

What looney said, past behaiior = future behavior. People can really choose lying sometimes. I actually was in a 2 year relationship in which we went for couples counseling and my partner told a whopper in there. It meant the end for us. How can you lie to your couples counselor when you're trying to lay a foundation for your relationship? Some people can't help themselves about lying, and no one can help them, either.

I go with my felt sense (love that term!!!) in these situations, bluedragon. If I can only love perfect people, mine will be a life without love. All humans have bowel movements...

buttttttttaaaaaa...

I am not volunteering to eat the contents of those bowel movements. Nor am I going to attempt to get my loved one to eat those contents. I just step aside and look for something prettier to smell...