Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
****might trigger*****
Just last week, I revisited a past traumatic time which occurred in my 20's. (I"m now 53). To try and keep it brief, a trusted drug and alcohol counsellor got sexual - I stayed involved a while, and having a breakdown. I'd been sexually abused as a child. Then I went on a 6 week bender of alcohol and xanax which landed me in detox competely shattered. A month later, I was starting to get well, when i was sent to a severely traumatic drug and alcohol rehab. Lots of yelling and screaming abuse at each other, being ostracised at times, tons of petty rules. I stuck this out for 5 months, as i got a sense of belonging there! As I left, it was with condemnation of me ringing in my ears.
From there, I was a complete psychotic mess. I was extremely traumatised, and it's taken all this time to get well. For the first 10 years after rehab, I was in and out of psych hospital like a yo yo.
I revisited this era in my writing last week. Well, 6 years ago when I revisited it I got acutely anxious and disintegrated. but this time, what I'm feeling is a great deal of emotional pain - it's eased up at the moment. I tried to get the feel for what the pain was about - it's a sense of 'me destroyed'. This is image, and I let it be. Because, I believe, the more i can move through this stuff, the better and more whole I will become.
I have a lot of hope, I have a great counsellor, and I'm a lot more well than I used to be - I have a lot of self acceptance now. When I first came out of rehab, I had zero self acceptance and it was hell.
anyway, i just felt like sharing part of my journey. I've been reducing the psych drugs very very slowly. Now that this has come up, i'm going to stay put on the level I'm on for ages.
Thanks for reading this.
Just last week, I revisited a past traumatic time which occurred in my 20's. (I"m now 53). To try and keep it brief, a trusted drug and alcohol counsellor got sexual - I stayed involved a while, and having a breakdown. I'd been sexually abused as a child. Then I went on a 6 week bender of alcohol and xanax which landed me in detox competely shattered. A month later, I was starting to get well, when i was sent to a severely traumatic drug and alcohol rehab. Lots of yelling and screaming abuse at each other, being ostracised at times, tons of petty rules. I stuck this out for 5 months, as i got a sense of belonging there! As I left, it was with condemnation of me ringing in my ears.
From there, I was a complete psychotic mess. I was extremely traumatised, and it's taken all this time to get well. For the first 10 years after rehab, I was in and out of psych hospital like a yo yo.
I revisited this era in my writing last week. Well, 6 years ago when I revisited it I got acutely anxious and disintegrated. but this time, what I'm feeling is a great deal of emotional pain - it's eased up at the moment. I tried to get the feel for what the pain was about - it's a sense of 'me destroyed'. This is image, and I let it be. Because, I believe, the more i can move through this stuff, the better and more whole I will become.
I have a lot of hope, I have a great counsellor, and I'm a lot more well than I used to be - I have a lot of self acceptance now. When I first came out of rehab, I had zero self acceptance and it was hell.
anyway, i just felt like sharing part of my journey. I've been reducing the psych drugs very very slowly. Now that this has come up, i'm going to stay put on the level I'm on for ages.
Thanks for reading this.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
Haven't accomplished it yet. Well... I do have a 20,000 page journal... 3 bookshelves just to hold it...
I did get as far as culling some of the poetry, since it is written in a distinctive format. But when I read my journal, I suffer the most profound dissociation in my repertoire. It is though I am dissociating from the events I am writing about AND the period in which it was written. Then come the literary critics in my head...
I don't know if this is what you are describing, but it is what comes to my mind.
I have kept several journals, and rereading would put my mind right back in that stew.
It was good to write and get it out. But now, when the pain is easing and am feeling capable of being in the present I do not court the danger of replaying that stuff in my head. I have burnt journals, shredded journals- purged- and that helps me put it more in the past. I want to be here now. I am in no danger of forgetting what my past experiences have been. It gives me a sense of victory to destroy the written evidence.
Not saying this is best for everyone, but it seems to be for me.