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Nothing intensely personal in this post. Just hoping for some free and open dialogue about one of my lesser demons: Problem Envy.
What I am calling, "Problem Envy" is where I find myself wishing I had somebody else's problem. Example: for most of this year I have been losing weight at frightening speeds. I feel like I am literally losing my literal self. I sure wish I had the problem of being overweight. . . Think of all the meals I could skip without consequence. Bet I'd be allot less bitchy, too. . .
In some of my live support groups, this is also called, "Comparing my insides to somebody else's outside." It is not a fair comparison.
The place in my own strictly personals that this comes up most often is when I don't much like myself. During these phases, I am often willing to trade places with the mosquito I just squashed on my arm.
Thoughts? Opines?
What I am calling, "Problem Envy" is where I find myself wishing I had somebody else's problem. Example: for most of this year I have been losing weight at frightening speeds. I feel like I am literally losing my literal self. I sure wish I had the problem of being overweight. . . Think of all the meals I could skip without consequence. Bet I'd be allot less bitchy, too. . .
In some of my live support groups, this is also called, "Comparing my insides to somebody else's outside." It is not a fair comparison.
The place in my own strictly personals that this comes up most often is when I don't much like myself. During these phases, I am often willing to trade places with the mosquito I just squashed on my arm.
Thoughts? Opines?
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I try not to fall into this. I know my hubby has issues. Don't we all? It comes with the species.... but when he complains of being able to do exercises I cannot even attempt wthout crying pain? *sigh*
Then I think of people who seem to stay skiny so easily---then remember when I could stay skinny, I was being forbidden food.
Yeah. Right now I envy people who have problems like "Bad hair days".... If that's all ya got to complain about? *sigh* and *sigh* again.
But we never know what lies under it.
I get a good reminder three times a ewek. Going to and fro therapy, the local homeless transient population panhandles at a certain intersection we pass, and I get that reminder: I'm one bad day or week from that. Cherish the problems I've got. I have food, shelter, and daily bathing.
I was raised, however, with a point of view that if you voiced envy for another's problems, my father made sure you had more of your own to occupy your time. Eep.
I wish I had the problems of those I meet in class some days. As they ooh and grunt in disbelief of the case examples, sounding so righteous of the humanity they know, that these situation won't or don't happen anymore. Though a few are quiet I am biting my tongue that the words are so strong, that want to come out..." Listen this example is just kool aide" to the abuse implied."It gets a lot worse that what you just read." As these kids come to class with Mom and Pops blessing, support and the home mortgaged to the hilt to cover tuition , spring, summer class vacay and their newest gadget they are plugged into as they walk past humanity.
Then I think...I would never want them to understand...because for many this crap cycles and is passed on.
I envy people who are self-make successful and seem to be able handle anything that comes their way. Those who can take a big pile of steamy crap and turn it into gold. That everything they touch seems to workout for them. They have good jobs which they just fell into by luck, they have supportive family that are always around them without them asking for help, they have good health, they are the winners in life who get to enjoy it. Always smiling and why wouldn't they their lives are charmed. They can take adversity and turn it around to work for them. Their mind is well put together and their confidence is a huge asset, yet they are nice people who seem to care about others. They are the opposite of me and the place I am in right now.
If I could have anyone's life it would be my cousins. She is smart, talented, rich, and her boyfriend is amazingly supportive. She is caring and loving as well. She is the real deal and has it all. She is mentally fit, physically fit and has the perfect life. I am not just saying that, she will tell you her life is perfect.
Oh it is nice to dream, but we are stuck with what we have. Life is hard, but added PTSD on top of it and it is a like having a block of cement tied to your leg while you try to swim in deep water. It is never ending and exhausting, stop swimming and you die emotionally and maybe even physically. It is a daily struggle so sometimes it is nice to envy someone else as an escape from our reality. Maybe it is a way to give us hope to shoot for something better in life.
Gentle hugs all.
Wishing I had my sister's over-weight problems -and vice versa- does not go very far in managing my under-weight problems. It only distracts me from healing and self-care.
Among the wonders I am wandering through here is, "Is problem envy a symptom of denial?
Just chewing. . .
Yeah.
BTW, Jewells, my mom was the Catholic. Dad was just hellfire. Irony, also an atheist. Possibly because only he was "god"?
Ponder carefully, Arfie. I'm reactive right now so I amy be spewing utter bull manure.
She's very athletic, and takes great care of herself, but carries -- and has always carried -- extra weight, regardless.
She was rather railing against an acquaintance who complained that she (the friend of our friend) was unable to gain/avoid losing weight. Our friend told this story with utter disdain for the thin woman.
But I reminded her of my old saying, contrived nearly 30 years ago, while dating the heiress to a serious fortune:
"Everybody's worst problem IS their worst problem."
[Though there are many with whom I'd gladly trade ;-)]
At the risk of being stereotypically male, here ... have you tried milk shakes or smoothies or ... Ensure ??
I wish you peace, health, strength, and ... maybe a thickly frosted cinnamon roll ;-)
Stress is a great energy eater.
J.
Perhaps another side effect of Problem Envy is that it makes for hideously impractical advice, in addition to misdirected hatred. It is a pretty safe bet that your house guest verbally abused the underweight woman in a spirit similar to the way she ranted at you. I doubt she bothered to wash her fingers before she wiggled them in open wounds. Problem Envy is far too righteous for such sensitivity. . .
You have been checked for hyPERthyroidism, right? Figure so.
It's a lifelong problem,so i am sure you know all the remedies and the munchie-inducing items.
Bitchiness comes in all sizes.
I have money problems. I have a friend who is miserable on $200 K a year. I would not take his wife for 200k a year.
Seriously though, I get problem envy too. Or just regular envy. Not as much as I used to, but it still happens.
Having been on all three "bands" of the spectrum?
It sucks in all directions.
Gentle support.
As always .... take good care.