Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Perhaps the hardest part of my own, strictly personal recovery has been The F-word. Faith. The honest, complete belief that healing really has happened and that I really can rebuild from the wreckage of my wounded psyche. The courage to proceed into the unknowable realms where I have known only pain and sorrow. Has it really happened? Am I only lost in delusions again? Will efforts to move forward only be prepping the stage for tomorrow's horror show? Etcetera, etceteri, ad infinitum.
The strictly personal wounds in question this morning are my Adult Children. The cycling drama is fairly well documented in previous posts, if anyone cares to review. I am not much in the mood to type the stories again this morning.
Over the course of my media fast, I came to believe that we, as an adult family, have managed to make changes in the "Adult Child - Toxic Mother - Marital Dysfunction" cycle. I think. Maybe. Perhaps. Could be. How would I know? I am not even sure it is real, much less able to provide simple explanations and descriptions for IT. I do not even have access to comprehensive, accurate data.
A very old Proverbial Friend has been visiting my therapy meditations recently. I met this Proverbial Friend as a child, before I had proper names for much of anything. The first published name I had for this Proverbial Friend was, "The Phoenix." Turns out this Proverbial Friend goes by different names on possibly every culture in human history. ( http://mythicalrealm.com/creatures/phoenix.html ) As my habitual obsessing habits attempt to analyze the current dysfunctions anew, my mythical flaming bird appears in the obsessive analysis to settle its ashes over the analysis and rise anew, fresh and beautiful.
I am ? ___Faithfully ___? clueless what I am reaching for here. Maybe just another ride on the Crazy Train? I know the Porters by name.
Let yourself fall into The Abyss.
As an Act of Faith, not of remiss.
You cannot know what will happen there
Until you find the courage to do your share
Thoughts, reality checks and/or strictly personal rambles welcome.
The strictly personal wounds in question this morning are my Adult Children. The cycling drama is fairly well documented in previous posts, if anyone cares to review. I am not much in the mood to type the stories again this morning.
Over the course of my media fast, I came to believe that we, as an adult family, have managed to make changes in the "Adult Child - Toxic Mother - Marital Dysfunction" cycle. I think. Maybe. Perhaps. Could be. How would I know? I am not even sure it is real, much less able to provide simple explanations and descriptions for IT. I do not even have access to comprehensive, accurate data.
A very old Proverbial Friend has been visiting my therapy meditations recently. I met this Proverbial Friend as a child, before I had proper names for much of anything. The first published name I had for this Proverbial Friend was, "The Phoenix." Turns out this Proverbial Friend goes by different names on possibly every culture in human history. ( http://mythicalrealm.com/creatures/phoenix.html ) As my habitual obsessing habits attempt to analyze the current dysfunctions anew, my mythical flaming bird appears in the obsessive analysis to settle its ashes over the analysis and rise anew, fresh and beautiful.
I am ? ___Faithfully ___? clueless what I am reaching for here. Maybe just another ride on the Crazy Train? I know the Porters by name.
Let yourself fall into The Abyss.
As an Act of Faith, not of remiss.
You cannot know what will happen there
Until you find the courage to do your share
Thoughts, reality checks and/or strictly personal rambles welcome.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
-Miguel de Cervantes
Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is
still dark.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Much Support,arfie..
I make no sense, forgive me. I'm simply saying... nothing, actually. PHoenix or butterfly, we all want to fly.
Words seem inadequate in the metaphysical realms. How do you describe the differences between a leap of faith and a fall into psychosis? Back peddle a step and I find I don't even have words to describe either of the events I am comparing.
And yet. . . I keep trying. . .