thanks
same to you :)

Its the afternoon of 24th Dec here and looking forward to it all being over. Wish you all the best too. x

peace to you too

dear mujicaptsd

:)

HI everyone, I hope you get through Christmas allright. I have been mostly feeling OK, but I hate Christmas in principal because there's so much emphasis on family, and my family don't want to know me. Mostly, I've been allright, focussing on my friends and my work. Tomorrow, Christmas day, I'm having a few people over. Then working in the afternoon at a nursing home.
I like working Christmas. I'm also working New Years Eve, because I don't drink and don't like crowds.
Tomorrow is also my birthday, I'll be 55.

Peace for every day of the year.

Happy birthday, Nellie. I'm 55, too. The speed limit in many states on state roads. Ha.

55 has been good to me. Hope it is for you.

peace to all of us, every day

It's the evening of the 24th now. Monitoring self for flashbacks, since in a minister's home with both parents abusive, Christmas was usually the worst day of the year. Still, now I wish to enjoy it as an adult, if I can take it easy and balance now with then.

I made the drive to the big city of DC. Now I'm taking time to be alone for a few hours in my hotel room so with my PTSD I can take being in crowds for a while.

I like to escape the small town I live in on Christmas if I'm not called to be a supply preacher in a parish. Usually I'm not, since most pastors will serve their own parishes at Christmas and not need a sub then.

So I escape to DC and pick a church in which I can be anonymous in the audience instead of at the altar. When I'm done chilling out in my hotel room, soon I'll walk down the street to the church to enjoy a Christmas Eve service with carols just as a guy who is part of a congregation.

Since my parents were my main abusers as missionaries abroad, I have a string of Christmas stories that are sad, violent, and tragic with them as a child and a youth under them. Faith was destroyed in our home by cynical and heartless manipulation of the faithful, fraud, violence, poverty pimping, theft of church funds, political infighting and corruption, you name it.

However, though those parents left me with PTSD and no faith to start with, as an adult I found faith on my own and I get help here to cope with my PTSD. So it's really nice to go alone and anonymously to a church on Christmas and enjoy what was such a violent and twisted holy day in my home of origin.

Such joy. To redeem my own childhood by making new memories thinking about a story about a babe in a manger who had a really great mom and stepdad. Not to mention dad.

That baby grew up to have some bad experiences when he was about 33. Bad enough to get PTSD like I've got and more. But he didn't lose his faith. So his story is a real encouragement to me, just speaking for myself at Christmas.

Love wins. Joy to the world, despite the bitterness in it.

Peace on earth.

:-)
8888888888888888888888888888888

well said, muji

Well said Muji.

I do not post often, but I do pop in and read the post. I wish each and everyone of you a peaceful holiday.

Christmas is the hardest for me. Too many triggers. My poor husband loves xmas and has so much that he wants done to make it cheerful. I just pray we get through it in peace and our children can have good memories. My youngest is 21, so thankfully I am through with the Santa stuff.

Peace to all.

I rarely watch/post videos (that whole "I'm visually impaired" thing), but ... this lovely post from Muji ... oddly ... made me think of this oldie:

[in about five seconds, you can click to skip the commercial]

http://youtu.be/qswm7lHp7oY

Merry Christmas, All :-)

Muji, ......i almost cried. Iam in awe of how badly it could've gone for you my friend. You persevered-You did! It Takes a special person to turn all that over and begin anew. I am thankful you did and that you
are here with all of us. Love always wins. No fail. (am going to bed).
G'nite everyone. see ya all tomorrow. Too exhausted to be on group.
gratefully gizzzy

PEACE to you also Muji, yes --------Peace!
Clear our minds from the wreckage' of our past. Make us whole again.
Amen.

Family to me is not biological but a choice, and to all hear I choose to consider you part of my crazy awesome family. To all peace and a merry Christmas.

Happy Birthday Nellie!! :)

I actually had one of my nastiest Christmas memories rise up and chew at me for about 5 hrs. Even had to practise what I preach (relaxation/centering techniques) lol Guess I still have some work to do on that one.
Hope everyone has a Safe, Happy and stress free Christmas.