Your wife may possibly be the worst thing for you. You can't dig yourself out of a hole, when somebody is pushing you back down. I left my husband after 9 yrs of mental abuse. It was the best thing I ever did. I can't believe how much better I am. He triggered my anger and depression. Now I have hope. Find a therapist to help you. Hugs to you.

Hello Novy. Welcome to DS.

Spouses make lousy therapists, even when they are fully qualified to treat patients. It takes a village to live a healthy life and I believe my psych symptoms need a separate support network. Building and maintaining my therapy support network frees my husband to help me *as* a husband while my therapy support network helps me with the blood and guts of mental illness, including those days when Hubs is flaunting his humanity and hitting all the wrong buttons on my personal control panel. My therapy support network helps me heal from those days, too. No need to dump the chump, though I reserve the right to maintain a safe distance on the abusive days. It's not about being perfect. It's about working it out.

Works for me. . .

Gentle support while you find what works for you.

When I got diagnosed I began going to a face to face support group, which I kept going to regularly for 5 years. My spouse took advantage of that time to carry on an affair with a coworker at my house at that time every week. I came home early from the support group one day and that was the end of my marriage. I hope they're happy together now.

By the way, when I came home early that day, my spouse did not respond in shame. There was a lot of yelling at me instead. When the same verbal abuse was directed at the judge in court during our divorce proceeding, the judge didn't take it. My spouse was removed kicking and cursing from the courtroom by the bailiff.

That's how much support I got from my spouse. More PTSD.

Novy, I think Arfie showed you the way to go. A common thread for many here is that they do not get understanding nor support from family members. Of course, they are the ones we most want it from. Therapists, support groups, including those on DS are the safe places for us to share. We can only tell family how they can help us during an episode. If they are unavailable to do so, then we find how to operate around that. I injured my foot/ankle/ lower leg in January. It was an unexpected accident. How would shame fit? I have some physical illnesses. How would shame fit? We did not cause our mental challenges. Shame does not have a place there. Therapy helped me to get past the shame and self blame in that area. You are one of us. We are dealing with what life dealt us. Adding shame and self harm just doesn't need to happen. Caring and comforting hugs on this road we are all traveling.

Big hug Novy…. I am sorry you're being hurt..... I think that you've been given some wise words

This is a great group..... I'm glad that you've found us.....xo

I am very happy likewise.

She's been nasty telling me that I make it easy for her to look at other men and we have been together for 13years now. This is devastating and don't know what to do.

The therapy and counseling are helpful and there is a long way to go. I know this that I will be better.

I have a difficult time talking with people and how to go about discussing things or what to talk about.

Novy, you will get more comfortable with that. Sometimes being a good listener trumps being a busy speaker. Comforting hugs.

Thanks

Hugs. Glad you are here for support.

Couples counselling sounds a good thing to try. If that doesn't work she has no insight or empathy and you'd have a hard decision to make. Good luck while you sort it.

It just gets crazy sometimes and I get angry and then my symptoms get worse. This increases my self harm behaviours and then just goes south from there.
Couples counseling is a great idea.

Triple hugs of support